Dating app photos and self-harm scars (TW)

[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]Although dating have pretty much died down die to COVID, I still am interested in forming relationships of a romantic nature. For years, I have mostly met potential partners using dating apps/sites. Obviously on these sites one posts photos of themselves in their profile, and I am no exception. However, I've encountered a problem: I now have self-harm scars on my face that are quite obvious. These happened several months ago and they are fading a little, but they're still rather prominent.

I am not sure, now, what to do about pictures on my profiles. On the one hand, I don't want to post photos of my face and turn people off before they get to know me. On the other hand, I don't want people to feel I deceived them. I told one person after we'd been talking a while and showed them a picture and they said it wasn't terrible, so maybe that's the best way to go about it? I am not sure. I am just convinced everyone is going to think I am ugly now, between being overweight and having a scarred face. I am afraid I will never find love again.

Any suggestions as to what to do?[/size]

[Rivière]

Personally I think a person can only hide themselves for only so long. Even if you hide your scars, say a person wants to meet you, they'll see them eventually unless you continue to try and hide them. Ultimately it depends on the type of person you're looking for, and remembering that your time is valuable.

We all have different tastes in what we're attracted to. Some people may like your scars, especially if they too have been through a lot of personal things. Self-harm scars are just part of you.

If you're willing to put your picture up, don't be afraid to show who you really are. Not everybody cares about the way someone is going to look. Many people value personality over looks.

[Mallika]

Hi there,

Thanks for reaching out! I think Rivière has given a great answer and I second it.

It is better to open about it from the beginning - not only for another potential partner to see - but even to yourself. Our scars are a part of us; concealing it on a dating site might be a reflection of our own insecurity about them. It starts with embracing yourself for who you are, first and foremost.

Media and popular culture condition us to think of a perfect girl or a boy... though that couldn't be further from the truth about what humanity really is. Nobody is perfect - we ALL have our stories, our scars, our deepest secrets. The joy is in finding someone who will be embracing of these things. If someone judges you for having "imperfections", ditch them right away

Along those lines, the person who is truly the one for you will see the person you are behind those scars and take genuine interest in you. So don't shy away from your own scars; they are a sign of your strength and fight against your inner demons. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for

Take care and DM me if you'd like to chat about anything!!

[FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""][FONT=""][COLOR=""][SIZE=""]Just post the pictures of yourself. This sounds really lame but it's true. If you don't post the pictures and you meet someone you like, they'll find out eventually anyway, won't they? If they know about it from the off, then you won't have to worry about what they will do when they find out because they already know! Whoever you meet will like you for who you are, not who they think you are. If people don't want to go out with you because of photos, then it's their loss. I hope this helps [/size][/color][/font][/size][/color][/font]

[DeletedAccount53]

No pretense; be as you are. Post your picture up in this dating site and if anyone doesn't like it, then they are not for you and it's their stupid loss.

[kitty man =^.^=]

As someone with a similar issue with self harm scars, (although some aren't as noticeable now) I concur with Rivière. My personal view on the subject is if someone learns to care about you, they will be able to look past the physical, and know the scars are just part of who you are. It has taken years, however I've learned to embrace the scars as part of who I am, and answer the questions potential partners have had.

I assure you, you will find love again, and it will be well worth the wait to get there. best of luck to you, and you can pm me about anything if you need to.