Triggering: Cutting

[midnightcrisis]

I don't think I can make it another sleepless night without self-harming but my dad says he can't have me continue living at his house if I relapse because his house is shitty and can't be made me proof. I can't go back and live with my mom but the strength everyone keeps telling me I have appears to be rapidly waning. I miss the way the pain drowned all of the nasty thoughts inside my head. Is it possible to have withdrawals? I haven't cut in months and it's driving me insane.

[hocus pocus]

It is possible to have withdrawals because it is something you have depended on to feel better for an extended period of time. It is also possible to obsess over it to the point where it is one of the only things on your mind. These things can definitely be really hard to cope with but it can be done.

What kind of things have you been doing the past few months to keep from self-harming? Do you have any favorite alternatives? Maybe you can use those or look into new ones because your mind may have gotten too used to the ones you currently use.

You said you're in pain and cutting drowns that out for you. Is there anything in particular that is causing that pain? If so, maybe you could work on it to decrease your urges to self-harm. Regardless, you could find a way that drowns the pain in a healthy manner. Cutting releases endorphins in the brain, which are feel good chemicals. You could also exercise, eat chocolate, listen to your favorite music, or do something that makes you feel happy to release endorphins.

You do have strength even if it seems to be diminishing. You reached out on here, and that takes courage and strength.

[shlomit]

Self injury is considered a process addiction, much like gambling or sex. Generally, the saying in addiction recovery circles is "once an addict, always an addict." That can be a little discouraging to hear, since it means that urges to injure may linger to a degree for some time, even after significant stretches of abstinence. It also means that for you, self injury is a compulsive and tolerance-building activity, so your options are control are your self harm or allow it to control you.

I think you would be amazed if you knew just how much people can do when they have no other choice. I promise that you are stronger than you ever thought you could be. You said that your dad has given you an ultimatum and that your mom's house is not supportive place for you to live. I want you to be in a stable and supportive environment. Can you use this as an incentive to strengthen your resolve to stay clean? It sounds like your dad feels helpless and doesn't know what to do to keep you safe. Could you work together with him to come up with a safety plan that benefits both of you?

The most important thing you can learn in recovery is that emotions are by definition impermanent. It is simply impossible for your self harm urges to last forever without diminishing in frequency or intensity. All you have to do is keep holding on and do whatever it takes to get to that point before you can let go. Is night the hardest time for you? That's how it is for me as well. The best advice I have is just go to sleep. Sleeping is good for you and it's a guaranteed way to keep yourself safe. Staying up and ruminating isn't good for people with depression.

I'm proud of you for sticking it out so far. Keep going.