Telling someone about my self-harm

[Starseeker]

Hi everyone,
Lately I've been thinking about talking to someone about my self-harm. I have already talked to an online friend about feeling down, but I didn't admit to cutting and I really wanted to talk to someone in person. My parents aren't an option - I just feel like I would disappoint them. They've always done everything for me. I know that might sound stupid but I don't think I'd be able to tell them.
I've got some acquaintances and a friend amongst them that I feel would be the only person I'd tell about all this. I started considering talking to him after he said he had anxiety neurosis. The thing is... He's always been a horrible attention-seeker and he claimed he had the neurosis on a group chat. This fact makes me think he just said that to get some attention. I'm really torn apart 'cos on the one hand he might have been seeking attention but on the other hand I'm feeling bad for not believing him and possibly being judgmental.
Given that he said the truth and is struggling with neurosis he might understand my mental problems, but I would feel terrible if I told him and he didn't understand. I'm sure he wouldn't laugh or anything, but... what I'm fearing is destroying our relation if he couldn't understand my self-harm.
The question I'd like to ask you is if you have ever told anyone about your self-harm. What was their reaction? Did your relation become cooler?

Thanks everyone for reading, I really appreciate it. Have a good day/night
Sue

[danh19]

truthfully should tell you parents if they care about you they will be supportive

[Lauren5115]

Sue,

Telling people about self harm is a really brave and great thing to do. I understand you can't go to your parents so we will leave that out. Do you attend school? There's a social worker at my school who you can talk to and is obligated by law not to tell your parents anything unless they think you're in danger of killing yourself and others. If there isn't such an easy option you can reach out to a help hotline, if you have a phone you just text 741-741 and you will get connected to someone. Don't know if this helped but I hope it did. :,)

Hey Sue,

I am really sorry that you you sh I know how tough it is. But I am really glad that you want to confide in someone about it.

About this friend, I think it is really up to you if you want to tell this exact person or not. I myself would find a trust worthy person maybe it be some teacher at your school, a sibling or a parent and confide in them. I know you said you didn't want to tell your parents and that is okay not to tell them right now. But I think at some point you need to tell them.

As far as if you tell a teacher at your school, they might have to tell the school counselor who will most likely tell your parents. But then again some teachers keep it a secret and help the best they can.

Telling a family memeber is a really good idea because if something goes wrong and you faint because of loss of blood or something they will know exactly what went on and can help you, and tell the doctors what happened.

As far as telling a friend, I would choose a friend who is really trust worthy and one that you know what make fun of you are just tell you, that you are attention seeking. Just be aware the friend might as you to tell your parents or if things become worse and they are worried about you, they might tell you parents. If they do that I wouldn't get upset but I would honestly thank them for being conserned enough to tell an adult.

I hope some of these options helped you decide wether to tell this friend or someone else that might be able to help you.

If you ever need to talk, vent or need someone to listen my PM/VM is always open.

Your Friend,
Essa<3

[hocus pocus]

If you want to tell this friend about your self-harm, maybe you can work your way up to telling them so you can gauge their reaction. For instance, you can tell him that you've been feeling low or depressed lately and see how he responds. Based on his response, you can decide whether or not you want to tell him about your self-harm.

I can understand not feeling as though you can tell your parents and I respect your choice not to. Maybe someday you can tell them if you ever feel ready and comfortable with doing so.

Others have given additional ideas about who you can talk to and I hope you find them helpful. Regardless of who you tell, I hope you will find the support you're looking for.

In answer to your question, I have told people about self-harm. My parents didn't find out by my choice but I had some friends and teachers I confided to in the past. All of them were supportive, though some of them didn't know how to help me and we drifted apart over time. One instance I clearly remember was when I told my friend I have known since I was about five. I was nervous about it and hadn't planned on telling her (it just slipped out) but as it turned out, she was struggling as well.

If you don't get the reaction you are looking for, don't let that stop you from confiding in other people. Eventually you will find someone you can talk to about this.

[Starseeker]

Thank you so much guys.

[Storyteller]

Not sure if I'm coming to this conversation late, but just in case you're still checking back for replies...

I get that you're concerned about telling your parents. They may care very much about this, but that's no guarantee that they would know how to handle it well enough to support you in the way you need them to.

As for your friend, well, perhaps the same problem applies to him too - maybe he would know how to respond, maybe he wouldn't. That's so often the risk we take when we want to tell our loved ones about big issues we're dealing with. It's rather cruel that we mainly feel this about the things we really need help with.

You know your parents and friend much better than we do (of course), but here's what I will tentatively suggest: tell your parents. They're quite a lot older than you and have seen a lot of things in their life, meaning that they have more access to support and resources. And if they don't, then they have the option to find out.

As far as your friend goes, I'm in two minds as to whether to say tell him or not - the fact that you said he can be an attention-seeker suggests that he's calling out for something, himself. That said, maybe talking to him about your own troubles will open up a whole new depth to the friendship where you end up supporting each other. Sometimes it isn't about getting a solution to the problem; sometimes just knowing that someone else knows what we're going through can be a huge help.

Whatever you decide to do with the above, I'd suggest that you look around your local area for help. There are low-price or free counselling services in some towns and cities, and counsellers are specially trained to be able to handle revelations like, "I self-harm."

Having said that, going to counselling, especially for the first time, can be scary. Just getting to the point where you're sitting opposite a counsellor is a journey in itself. If you're at all reluctant to do it because you're not sure what you're letting yourself in for, feel free to ask, either me or generally on this forum - lots of people here will have seen a counsellor/therapist.

Finally, I will also say that you might find the companionship you need right here, on this forum. There's no guarantee of getting somebody here with great technical skill in helping with self-harm, but that may not be what you need. What I'm trying to say in quite a clunky way is, try opening up here and seeing how much help you get here. The scope of an online forum is quite limited, but perhaps some good quality friendships here may be the best medicine.

Take care of yourself, including your injuries.

[.Brittany.]

Hi Sue,

I've definitely been in your shoes before. Back in high school I decided to tell a couple people about how I had been feeling and the fact that I was harming myself. I ended up telling two of my friends and they decided to go to the Counselor as they were concerned about me.

At first I was mad with them, but then I realized that they cared about me and wanted me to be safe. So with this it's completely up to you. Your friend could react a couple different ways. The way I see it, is if this friend sticks by your side and helps you out, then it is a really strong friendship.

I hope this helps! Keep your chin up. I'm here if you ever want to talk!
Brittany

[Chaotic_]

To answer your question, I have told people in the past. Some didn't handle it well, while others were really supportive. Some of my best friends knew I was self-harming and stuck by my side. My advice would be to tell someone you've been friends with for awhile, even if they don't have mental health issues themselves. People who have stuck with you for years aren't likely to leave you because you are suffering. If people do choose not to stick by your side, honestly, they weren't real friends to begin with.

On the subject of your parents I totally understand, I was never able to tell my parents about it. But I did tell my guidance counselor when I was in high school, so they would tell my parents. It was hard, they were mildly disappointed, and they stuck me in therapy.

Have you tried therapy? I think that would be the best option because they know how to handle these situations.

I am really sorry that you are feeling down, but I am glad you are reaching out to others. I hope everything goes well. Just know that you deserve love, support and help. If you ever want to chat, feel free to message me. =)

[Starseeker]

Thank you everyone again. I've thought about it and your answers really helped me.~