Triggering: Cutting

[Tennislover]

How do I talk to my boyfriend about him cutting without him breaking down and crying? When I tried to talk to him last night about it he started crying and saying "Please don't hate me" and "Please don't be mad at me". I'm worried that if I try to talk to him again that he'll start crying again and I won't be able to help him.

[Palmolive]

Hey there,

Thanks for reaching out to us here.

It's great you're wanting to help your boyfriend. But I want to make you aware of something. If you talk to him and he cries, that is okay. That's probably a way he is letting emotion out and that's a positive way for people to express themselves. If this happens, listen to him. Tell him you're there and you care about him and allow him a safe place to cry and talk. I think that's the best thing you can do for him right now. I know it might be hard for you to see him cry and again that's okay, I think it's natural to find it hard and be sad when someone we love is showing a sign they hurt.

Maybe you could also suggest some places he could truth to for support such as us here at Teenhelp, anyone in his education system, a GP/doctor, helpline etc. And even offer to go with him to seek help IF he wants you too.

But remember, as lovely as it is you helping him, it's also okay for you to get help for this too because it can be hard supporting someone through an issue like self harm. And remember we're always here for the both of you.

Hope and wishes,
Jessie

[Everglow.]

Hey there,

It's great that you want to help your boyfriend with his cutting, I think that shows that you're a really good person. I want you to know that if he cries, it isn't always a bad thing! Crying is opening up a very vulnerable, honest side of a person, and it's far healthier than self harm. If he does cry, and if he states he is worried you'll be mad or hate him, just reassure him that those things really aren't true. It's clear you care about him a lot, and telling him this will probably help ease the worries he has about how his problem will impact you. It's completely ok to be upset by it - self harm is an upsetting situation for both the person doing it and those around them. It's ok to tell him that it upsets you, but let him know that it's because you care, not because you're angry at him.

A good thing about crying is that for that time, he's releasing his emotions in a way which isn't harming himself or anybody else. IF he's crying, encourage that. Of course it's never a good thing that something has made somebody cry, but if a person is upset, crying is a good way to release that. Don't back away from helping him if this is how he chooses to reach out to you when the topic is bought up. Instead, help him anyway. Let him know that if he needs to talk, or cry, or if the urges to hurt himself are there, that you're always there to listen to him. The more he trusts you, and that means trusting you with how he will open up to you, whether it be through crying or simply talking, the more he will benefit from your help in the long run.

If you need any advice, please feel free to ask. But I think you'll definitely help him by letting him open up like that.
Take care!