I sort of Self Harm?

[dartfrogged]

It's not really with the intent to hurt myself. Not anymore. That stopped a few years ago.
So, what I do to hurt myself now is more habitual. If I have a bug bite, or a pimple, pr a scab somewhere, I pick at it without really thinking about it. Often I don't realize what I'm doing until there's blood dripping down my arm or the side of my face. My arms are covered with little round scars, and my breasts are littered with little scabs from where I've absently pinched skin off in the shower. It's a bit strange, and I know if my doctor were to see it she would think something was wrong, but I'm not trying to hurt myself, and it doesn't really impede anything. It's just weird.

[Bluetears]

Hi!

Are you looking into trying to break that habit? If so, does anyone besides your doctor know about this? Maybe you could ask them to help stop you from doing it if they notice you picking at your skin? Or, if you can, catch yourself doing it and doing something that distracts you and your hands?

[dartfrogged]

Logically I know I should stop. I just don't really have the motivation to? It's this weird conflict of 'I want to stop doing this to myself' and 'why does it matter if I bleed?'
And not even my doctor knows. Nobody notices.

[dartfrogged]

I'll try that though. To stop cutting I carried around a red gel pen to doodle on my arms when I felt bad. I should prolly start doing something similar again.

[Bluetears]

That might help. Whenever I got the want to pick at my skin, I took Elmer's glue and put some on my arm. I'd rub it around on my arm and waited for it to dry. After that, it should look like dead skin. I'd pick at that instead of scabs and pimples and stuff

[dartfrogged]

Oh that's fantastic! I love messing with Elmer's glue. I've never thought of that. Do you have any suggestions for excuses to use when people ask why I carry glue in my bag? I live in a home where if my mother knew I was picking at my skin, she'd find a way to feel guilty and if my dad knew, he would accuse me of trying to manipulate him somehow, so I can't just tell them.

[Bluetears]

Hmmmm... Maybe for school? Or you put it there on accident?

[dartfrogged]

Okay. I mean, I carry around wire and such. I can probably pass it off as saying I'm using it for my little crafts.

Thanks

[Bluetears]

No problem