telling a teacher about self harm?

[Kiara7]

I've been self harming for almost a year now and I want to tell my old English teacher that I self harm but I'm really scared that he will tell my parents. They don't know that I'm depressed and that I self harm so I really don't want them to know at all.

Would there be anyway that I can tell my teacher without him telling my parents (I'm 16 and living in the UK btw)

[-Dreamer]

To be honest, I think your teacher would tell your parents - but only because he would have your best interests at heart. While their main job is to teach their students, I do believe that some teachers take their jobs even further and will help out a student in need if they are asked. However, if a teacher feels their student is in any kind of danger, I'm sure they would discuss it with higher up staff and eventually parents/guardians.

It is wonderful that you want to confide in someone, you should be very proud of yourself. I can understand you being scared of them finding out but maybe it's time for you to try and reach out and get the help you need to stop? So maybe it won't be so bad if your parents were to find out. You seem to really want help on this.

I am encouraging to discuss this with someone - be it your teachers, parents or a friend. You deserve to live a happy life and not suffer the way you have been. I wish you the best of luck.

[hocus pocus]

In the past I've had some really supportive teachers that were there for me if I needed to talk about things. Initially, my parents were called and told about my struggles but after the initial time they weren't called again unless I was in danger. Teachers are mandated reporters, so they're required by law to tell someone of higher authority if you're harming yourself. Don't let that discourage you though! Yes, they legally have to report it, but that doesn't mean they will. It all depends on the person. A lot of people don't want their parents to know, and I respect that but it honestly isn't a bad thing. It'll enable you to a lot of help and you deserve to get help for what you're going through.

[ღ Army Wiife ღ]

I think its a great idea if you told your teacher. That means you trust him. I told him Science teacher about my rape in middle school and I was so scared but I felt better afterwards even tho he did tell my parents and they did get the cops involved but thats not the point. So I fully support you telling your teacher and I am here if you want to talk about anything.

I'm praying for you.

Blessings,

Army Wife

[Breathe~me]

You could say you have a friend who is self-harming and you want his advice on how to help her. But from the sound of your post it sounds like deep down you want him to know that you're self-harming more than just for the advice side of things. Maybe to gain someone you can trust? Maybe because you want someone to protect you? Maybe because he's really nice to you ? I don't know what the reason is but all teachers have a 'duty of care' agreement which means if you are a) a risk to yourself (which you are) b) a risk to others or c) a risk to her then he is obligated by law to report you to the school's principal which will most likely contact child protective services and possibly your parents. I graduated from high school last month but I know some tricks to get around duty of care... Before you tell him ask him if he'd tell anybody if *a student* (not you) was self-harming. Say you're talking about a friend you care about? Ask him if you were to disclose details about self-harming behaviours would he tell anybody? Ask him in a kind of opinion theory way about different topics youth face today- eg. sir what do you think of binge drinking/ teen pregnancy/ drugs/ age gaps in dating/ *cutting* (work your way up to it). Or you can alternatively tell him you feel depressed and work your way up to telling him you self-harm when you are comfortable. Some teachers are more chilled when it comes to duty of care stuff. Depends what the teacher is like. Anyway good luck and I hope you're able to stop/reduce self-harming behaviours. It will really just put you in a deeper hole than you're already in. Think of depression as a tunnel, by self-harming you are prolonging depression EVEN THOUGH SELF-HARM DOES FEEL BETTER SHORT-TERM. You're making that tunnel longer and harder to get out of. You won't be able to find light in a tunnel you keep building up and you won't be able to get out of it if self-harming continues. Break the cycle and stay strong

[Kiara7]

Okay, I will try to ask him and get enough confidence to tell my parents. Thank you for the advice everyone

[WhisperingSilence]

It depends on a few things like my tutor found out recently about my self harming and because of my age she is not allowed to tell my parenta but at the same tine she can due to the fact that I am deemed as a vulnerable at risk adult different rules apply. But she still did not tell my parents but made me promise to not do it again or anything like that. Maybe ask ur teacher about confidentiality

[Paint]

Hey there,

I've reached out to teachers before and I don't mean to scare you but it is difficult. But once you do it you will feel relieved, especially if you have a teacher you truly do feel you can trust. Depending on the laws in the UK, your teacher might be obligated to report it to your parents, however. In the US, that's how it works. But I still think this should not stop you from doing so. Why don't you want your parents to know? If you're afraid they won't understand, or if you're afraid they'd get angry, I would share all this with your teacher. He can probably help you with what to do in that situation, or at least connect you to the right people.

One thing I did learn from reaching out to teachers is that they are not professionals so they won't really be able to help much. Some teachers will listen despite being able to help, and some will just send you off to someone else and not care to check up on you. So I honestly think if you want to tell your teacher you can, but they're likely going to just send you to a counselor in your school or refer you to someone else.

If you're questioning what to say, maybe you can write a note? Just know that if you do write a note though, that is written proof and your teacher may decide to keep it. Another thing you can do is just ask your teacher if he has a minute after class/school and just read off of a paper but not give it to him. Sometimes reaching out can be really hard and we may not know where to start from when there's just so much to say. Go in with what you want to say and if you break down, so be it!

Anyhow, I think this is a good idea, and I'd go for it! If you ever want to talk, I'm here! Drop me a PM/VM if you'd like! (: