Triggering (Suicide): Help! warning- self harm

[Mousedog11]

Hi, so the other day my friend was having a panic attack and started to talk about killing herself and in the midst of this told me that she had cut herself earlier that day for the first time. I sort of freaked out because I used to cut myself (and occasionally still do) and I didn't want my friend to go through what I did. I told one of my closest friend, Lucy about what was happening and asked for her advice. My friend who was having the panic attack found out and is now mad at me for telling my other friend. She even broke my computer in her anger (but someone fixed it) and punched me. Did I do the right thing be asking for advice? Should I apologize? Please help.

Hey there,

I think that reaching out about this makes sense. I think that you should have told an adult about this but holding all of this to yourself would be a really hard thing to deal with. I know that a lot of people would have trouble dealing with this on their own.

As for your friends behavior, while I understand she was upset with you for opening up about this, she had no right to do the things that she did. I think the two of you should definitely consider taking a break from one another until you can talk to each other about what transpired without hurting one another. If that can't happen then the best thing to do would be to stay away from her. She has no right to lay her hands on you no matter how upset she is with you.

I hope that this helped in some way and if you need anything please feel free to message me.

Hey!

Sorry about this situation. I imagine it must feel difficult. I can understand both you opening up about this, and her being upset. There's two sides to any story in my opinion.

Knowing that someone you're close to is struggling and is suicidal can be really difficult to handle on your own. So I can understand why you'd go to someone for advice and support on the situation. I realize you were only wanting to help and receive advice, but if you're ever in a similar situation, then going to an adult may be a better idea. Sometimes talking to a friend you're close to and trust feels easier though, so I understand why you would open up to your friend. If you do ask a friend for advice in the future, you can do things to keep who you're talking about anonymous. Like not disclosing any names or identifying information of who you're asking for advice on.

Your friend may have also felt upset because sometimes things like this can spread around school if you tell someone who gossips. Although, despite the fact that your friend is upset, going to an adult would be the best idea for her safety if she isn't planning on seeking help herself. Going to trusted adults that are in her life would help her, such as her parents and trusted family or hers as they can keep her safe and provide support.

I understand your friend was upset over this, but it wasn't okay of her to react in a physical way like that. Try to give her some time to calm down, then maybe the two of you could talk to each other about this whole situation in a calm and civil manner. If you two get back on better terms, then I suggest encouraging her to seek help from adults around her and consider therapy for her issues. You could also refer her here to TeenHelp too! A support site may be good for her too. HelpLINK is also something she might like to use as it's more anonymous than the forums. Speaking of referral, click here. It's a list of self-harm alternatives that both you and your friend may find helpful.

Here's a list of hotlines that may be helpful for her. If she's actively suicidal (planning), then definitely tell her parents as soon as you can. And if there's any indication that points towards her attempting, then call for an ambulance. While she may be upset, her life is important and I believe someday she'll be thankful for an intervention.

Hope this helped. Your concern for your friend shows that you have a big heart. So don't feel bad, you were only trying to help.

[bhanratty]

I self harm, I've never been afraid to admit it, i don't go around telling everyone but if someone sees scars or bandages on my arm and asks i wont lie. The hardest part for me of someone finding out is that they really wanted to help, having people know is a great thing and i think as long as the friend you told is close enough to her, you did the right thing. Also if she/he is self harming try to stop it earlier, i started just scratching myself with a nail and in less that two weeks was in hospital after using a piece of broken glass, required 29 stitches.
Ps friendship is greater than love or marriage, because friendship is where there is truly nothing in it for either of you, but you enjoy each other enough to be together.

[Mousedog11]

Thanks you all for your help! I did get her to tell her parents and seek help. I should have gone to an adult first, and I will in the future if anything like that ever happens again. She had just started taking medicine and it turns out that it was causing her to have violent mood swings and such. She's doing a lot better now. Thanks again for all your help