I just started cutting myself

[throwaway420]

Hi, So I created this throwaway account to ask for help, please dont ask what problems are making me wanna cut because thats too personal.

i'll say what led up to it, me and my dad got into a fight two days ago, i stormed off and he grabbed me by my shirt then slammed me up against my bathroom door, then dragged me outside and slammed me up against my sisters car a couple of times at 3 AM(i'm 13) and yesterday this girl who I really liked and was my soon to be girlfriend, her mom read our texts and then blocked my number from her phone because shes paranoid and ive never met her. So i decided to cut myself once, I cut myself once on my arm and it didnt bleed but it left a red cut/scar, Then i did it again, And now today i started feeling depressed and i cut myself a couple of times in my theigh(upper upper leg, whatever its called) then i cut myself some more, and some more and it led to me cutting myself 104 times(i counted them) now all of my upperlegs are covered in cuts, And I dont know why but i feel as if it helps, just completely takes my mind off of my stress and whats been happening around me(there are alot more things that made me wanna cut then what i posted)

So my question is, how do i make myself stop? And also how long will it take for the scars to go away? Keep in mind that im cutting the skin, not deep but enough to leave a good red cut.
and also, im afraid if my family finds out they will think im just looking for attention, so please dont tell me to tell someone.
And I feel really guilty after, then it makes me wanna cut more
Is there any good excuses for 104 cuts all over your theighs?(probably not but its worth asking)
Thanks for all who helps.


(EDIT: I just cut myself again...

[hocus pocus]

Hi there,

A lot of times, self-harm becomes a cycle with the feelings that you mentioned: self-harming, feeling guilty, and doing it again. As you know, self-harm can be addictive but since you just started recently I am sure you will be able to cope healthily with your emotions.

The time it'll take to heal depends on the depth of the cut. Since you said they aren't that deep, they probably won't take too long to heal. In the meantime, be sure to keep them clean and you can apply an ointment such as Neosporin too. The scars also depend on the depth; but when your scars turn white that means that they are as faded as they can get. Applying any sort of lotion to the area can stimulate movement of cells to fade it faster.

I respect your reasons for not wanting to talk about your triggers, but if you know what triggers you that's a good start. With that information, you can figure out how you'd like to work through your triggers. If you feel as though there are more that you are unaware of, try keeping a journal or a blog. When you feel the need to harm yourself, check out this list of alternatives. This page has a lot of them and a few are definitely bound to help you. It may take a while for you to find alternatives that you favor, but you'll find some with time.

As for excuses, injuries in larger number such as what you mentioned will be noticed as deliberate.

I know you don't want to be told that you should talk to someone but I want you to at least take this in consideration. Talking to someone can enable you to get the help that you need.