Triggering (SH): Self harm everywhere!

[Crazylady17]

Self harm. Self harm...
ARGHHHH!!!

I self harm, I self harm a lot, at first it was just an accident, but then once I started I couldn't stop and I still can't stop self harming now. What's wrong with me eh?!! Am I mental or something?
I cut myself, I cut everywhere on me;
Arms
Legs
Breasts
Belly
Back(where I can reach)
Chest
I hide my scars from everyone, yes including myself I'm so ashamed of the scars I don't even know why.... I wish I could stop, but I can't... Self harming is the way I cope and without self harming I don't think I would be here....

What do I do?

I need to stop,
I feel like anywhere I go people are judging me and starring at me and laughing at me all because of my scars. It's horrible. I can't take it anymore.

[hocus pocus]

Hi Abbie,

Unfortunately, a lot of people are completely uneducated about self-harm. People have trouble accepting things that are different; and if someone does judge you for this than they aren't worth your time. There are people out there who will accept you for you. There are various different opinions of scars and I want to point out that your scars show what a beautiful fighter you are.

Would you like to fade your scars? One thing that I have found useful are body scrubs to exfoliate your skin. It's good to apply lotion afterwards so your skin doesn't become dry. Some people use lemon juice which needs to be applied, set to dry, and washed off three times a day. Bio-oil is another option. Once your scars turn white, they won't fade further than that.

I'm glad that you realize that self-harming is an issue and that you want to stop. Do you know what triggers you to self-harm? What are the thoughts and feelings that go through your head before you engage in it? Keeping a journal or blog to keep track of your feelings might help you. When you are triggered, be sure to keep yourself distracted. This thread has tons of alternatives for you to try!

I think you should talk to someone you trust about what's going on so you can get the help that you truly deserve.

[Crazylady17]

Hey Cassie!

Thank you for your reply

Hmm suppose your totally right there, thank you!
Half of my friends have turned against me all because I self harm, it's not like I choose to feel and be this way? I can't seem to get them to understand its a mental Health llness! Frustrates me!

Thank you again.
I don't know if I want to fade the scars to be honest? Does that sound silly to you?
The scars tell the real story of my life though? They are me and that's who I am, guess I need to accept the person I've changed into maybe?

I have CAMHS involved and got a support worker, so I talk to them about how I'm feeling etc .

[Crazylady17]

I want to cut?!!!!!! Like badly seriously!!! It's all hitting me.

[Crazylady17]

I love to see the blood when I've cut myself, but I hate blood? What? I'm confused!!!! I love the pain after I've cut, but i cry while I'm in pain!!
I don't understand....

[crisco1]

Hey,

I completely understand what you're going through. I'm currently trying to recover from cutting and it's honestly been one of hell of a ride, as it seems to be for you as well.

To begin, I'm really sorry about your friends turning on you, but a real friend wouldn't leave you because you're going through a rough spot. In the end it's their loss, you deserve to be treated better. Are there ways to make more friends? Clubs you can join, community events, jobs, volunteering. These are all source where you can find friends. Just know that self-harm can be a hard topic for some people and not everybody can handle it, if you have a friend and want to open up that is wonderful, but let them know that if they can't handle it, to let you know, so you can still be friends, but maybe just have to leave that portion out.

I can also understand wanting to see the blood - I've had that urge before as well. What you can try is holding an ice cube (works for the pain you wish to inflict) and put red food coloring on it, so then it looks as if you are bleeding, when you aren't.

It's fine to now want the scars to fade - I actually told my boyfriend the other day that I wanted mine to go away, and he asked me why and then told me that the marks don't define who I am anymore, there battle scars and I won the war, so I should wear them proudly. If that's what you want and your scars don't trigger you, go for it!

The goal for you though, should be to stop self-harming. I know that it feels good for a moment, but in the end it does do more damage than good. Maybe you should see like a counselor or something and talk about how you are feeling. Or open up to somebody that you feel that you can trust and let them know what's going on. Also, when you get triggered, stay away from sharp objects if you can. I like to go for a walk or just drive and listen to music when I have a bad urge. If it's really bad, call a friend, I've had nights where I've had to make my boyfriend stay with me because I didn't think I'd make it through. Just try to do something or be with somebody until the urge passes. You can get through this. If you want to talk, never hesitate to send me a PM!

[Its.Just.Angie]

hey there,
First off I want to say you can't drop it out and stop cutting just like that. You need to find some other coping skill that isn't harming yourself in any way. Finding one is kind of trail and error until you find one that works for you. Some like snapping a hair tie on their wrist when the urge comes. For me it doesn't work. I use play dough to help ease the urge a little (childish I know ) sometimes it doesn't work either. You just have to find a couple that work well for you and it makes stopping a little easier

Then next you have to know when you are triggered and identify your common triggers and to avoid them best as possible. Cause that's when you can switch to a coping skill instead of acting on the urge. Because it would be really hard to stop the moment your gonna act on it.

I personally like the blood from my cuts. I'm not that bothered by that stuff outside of cutting. I think you like it better because you are intentionally making yourself bleed and thats why you like it. I find it calming to see as weird as it sounds

I hope you are doing good feel free to PM/VM me

[Crazylady17]

Hey to both of you!

I know...... I spent all last night self harming.... Then when I was rushed to hospital I had to have 4 stitches because some of the cuts were deep and wouldn't stop bleeding OUCHHHHH!!

But what if I can never stop self harming though?
I'll end up with no friends at all?

I cannot cope with all this anymore.
I have to cut, I have to punish myself. I have to cut!! I like the pain and I like seeing the blood.

[Crazylady17]

URGES!!!! URGES!!! URGES!!! URGES EVERYWHERE!!! AHHH!!! HELP!!!!

I have seriously bad bad urges to seriously hurt myself, and I mean deep and so the bleeding doesn't stop, to the point where I pass out because of the blood....

I hate this feeling, I have scars everywhere, new ones and old ones.... Wish I could just do that ONE cut and I'll be gone..

[Crazylady17]

Ended up cutting AGAIN!!!! Badly and deep opposes... Looks like it's a trip to the local A&E for me again!!! Just want to be able to control this already! It's been 2 years now and I haven't reduced or stopped, infact if anything I've gotten much more worse. What's happening to me?

[Catharsis.]

Hey, Abbie.

I believe it's key to believe that you can stop self-harming, instead of thinking about "what if I don't?". Think of it this way: I'm sure it'll be well worth the fight if you can get past this, and you've shown that you recognise the problem and want to get through it, which is great!

As much as some people can be judgmental about SH, a true friend will stick with you through it, and I can promise you there will be someone like that out there. Even if there isn't, you can do this for yourself. You don't deserve to be punished; I think you're a very nice person who doesn't deserve anything like this at all.

If you've gone deep, seek medical attention ASAP. I wish you all the best with this. Feel free to message me anytime!

-Gareth

[Crazylady17]

Hey my friend!
How are you doing?

Thank you for the advise and support and your reply! means the world to me!

Thing is though.... I'm not really ready to give up self harming yet though? As it's the way I cope with my emotions and feelings etc... Know what I mean?

I am going to the hospital as soon as my mum is ready to take me!
Thank you I sure will Pm you! Pm me anytime if you wanna talk!

[WhisperingSilence]

Have you tried alternatives. I know you're england so how about when you want to cut you call childline and talk to them I used to call them when I wanted to cut but I'm now to old to call them.

[marnie moo]

has any one else self harmed at school ??