TeenHelp - How do I tell my teacher about my self-harm?

TeenHelp (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/)

- Self Harm (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-self-harm/)

- - How do I tell my teacher about my self-harm? (http://www.teenhelp.org/forums/f12-self-harm/t129299-how-do-i-tell-my-teacher-about-my-self-harm/)

How do I tell my teacher about my self-harm?

Ive been self harming for awhile now, and I want to tell one of my teachers because Ive really started to trust him (Ive had him for the past 3 years for math). Ive been feeling really depressed and Ive started having anxiety attacks, or what I think are anxiety attacks (racing heart, shakiness,weird feeling in stomach, crying) and Ive just been miserable. I just feel like telling someone would make me feel better, and talking about it with someone could help me a little bit, knowing i have someone to turn to if I really need to. I just don't want my parents to know. I know it would probably be a smart idea, but I can't tell them, I just cant (it's a long story). Is there any way a teacher would be able to keep it between just him and me? Im 16 if that makes any difference...Ive tried talking to a school counselor (I didnt tell her I self harmed, but I told her I was feeling depressed). It didn't help much though, because I dont like opening up to people or talking about my feelings unless I trust the person (which is why I want to tell my teacher), so our conversations always caused me to feel anxious and nervous, which was exactly the opposite of what was supposed to happen. I stopped going to her after awhile, and ive tried just dealing with it on my own, but that's not going very well.
If I do make up my mind to tell him, how should i start the conversation? How do I make him keep it between just him and me?
Thank you for reading all of this, and thanks in advance for the advice<33.

Re: How do I tell my teacher about my self-harm?

Hey there,

First off I want to say it's great that you want to tell someone about your self-harm That is a very big step into recovery. I think the best way to talk to him is to just be open and honest with him. You could start the conversation by telling him how much you trust him and that you need to talk to someone about something and thought he was the perfect person. And just ease into the heavier stuff and take your time don't rush it.

As for making him keep it between the two of you I'm not sure if there is away. Teachers are required to report things like this. But there are some teachers out there that will keep it between the two of you until they honestly think they have to tell for your safety. I would just ask him if he would keep it between the two of you but later if he feels like its necessary to tell someone else to have him tell you before he goes to anyone else first. I don't think this should put you off telling him at all.

Also since this is your first post and I don't know if your aware of this. There is a really great alternative thread to self harm here you might want to check out.

I hope everything works out for you and if you ever need to talk you can pm/vm me anytime:) Good Luck

Re: How do I tell my teacher about my self-harm?

Hey there,

I think it's great that you've decided to confide in somebody about your self harm and depression. Feeling comfortable speaking to someone about your problems is a big step to overcoming them. It's a lot easier to deal with things when you don't have to go through them alone.

It's hard to say for sure whether or not your teacher could keep this between the two of you. I think it depends a lot on school policy and possibly laws in your area. I've heard of teachers keeping these things confidential, but I've also heard that it's a requirement for the teacher to inform either your parents or a guidance counselor at the school. My suggestion would be to approach your teacher and find out what your school's policy is. Ask him what information he would be required to report to your parents or another school official. It will be a lot easier to talk to him about what's going on if you know for sure beforehand that he's not going to share the information with anyone else.

If you do find out that he would be obligated to report your self harm then maybe you should still consider talking to him, but leave the self harm out of it. You could talk about your depression and anxiety and the problems that cause you to harm yourself without discussing the self harm itself. That way you'll still be able to receive support from him while not having to worry about him informing anybody else. If you're unable to talk to him, however, I'd encourage you to find someone else to confide in. You could talk to a friend or another adult who you feel might not find it necessary to inform your parents. Having somebody to talk to about your problems can definitely make them a lot less difficult to deal with, and you don't deserve to go through this alone.

Good luck with everything, and I hope things start to improve for you soon. Feel free to message me if you ever need to talk. Take care :)

Re: How do I tell my teacher about my self-harm?

First of all, congrats on reaching the point where you're ready to tell someone. I think it's a good idea, and the odds are that your teacher won't hate you for it.

There may be policies in place that may require your teacher to report back to your school's counsellor or even to your parents. The best way to figure this out is by asking him straight away how much he's required to report and to whom. It's also a good idea to ask what subjects would warrant reporting, for example, telling him about your anxiety may not need to be reported but talking about self-injury might. Asking him beforehand is a good way to make sure, as he'll then be able to let you know what the policy is and you can decide based on that.

Even if you don't wish to tell him about self-injuring, it could still be a good idea to tell him about your anxiety and depression. He may be able to help you find resources, ways to cope, and even professional help if you need it. If he does have to tell your parents that, it may help if they hear from an authority figure who is on your side.

I'd also recommend telling him how he can help, if you know of anything specific that would help. For example, are you looking for affordable professional help? Are you just looking for someone to talk to? Are you looking for help researching coping mechanisms and options available to you? Knowing this could help him help you, even if all you've got to say is just that you want to talk to an adult who won't tell anyone.

Best of luck to you and feel free to message me if you ever need help or just to rant.

Re: How do I tell my teacher about my self-harm?

Thank you all for your advice! I think I'm going to talk to him tomorrow after school about it. Even if I dont tell him everything, like about my self harm, it will still feel good to talk to somebody that will actually listen. Again, thank you! :)