Is Scratching Truly Bad or Self Harm?

[house-of-usher]

I have been scratching my arm for about 2 months now. I have actually become addicted to it. I started scratching my arm because of bullying and past bullying that haunts me. These past events have lead me to believe that I am everything horrible that was said about me, so as a way to heal, or at least forget about some of the pain for a while, I started scratching myself. I truly do not think this is a form of self harm. Yes it can hurt a lot and I found a scab or two from bleeding that I did not know about until after, but I truly do not think what I am doing is bad. People have told me otherwise, but I find it hard to believe that I am self harming myself.
I have been scratching myself with a piece of broken plastic and I don't think it is that bad.
Sometimes I wonder if I have depression and if that is what truly led me to do this to myself. I have had thoughts or suicide many times before and I have come close to doing some of the things that I envision.
I truly need help because I do not know what to do anymore.
I hope that someone could please point me on the right path and tell me if what I am doing to myself is bad or not.

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

Hey there,

I know that I already posted on your post in the Social Groups, but I decided that there are a few things that I may want to add.

I wanted to link you to this post called "Is this self harm?" That way, if you ever have any questions as to something that may be considered self harm, you can check out this link. Scratching IS on that list because it does leave marks, and you did mention you get scabs from bleeding, which means you are causing harm. It's not a good way to cope.

The link also gives the definition of self harm. Quote:

"Self-injury, self-inflicted violence, self-injurious behavior or self-mutilation is defined as a deliberate, intentional injury to one’s own body that causes tissue damage or leaves marks for more than a few minutes which is done to cope with an overwhelming or distressing situation."

Anything you do to physically hurt yourself in order help yourself cope with a situation is self harm.

Due to that definition, yes, it is self harm.

I think that since you think you have depression, it is important for you to try and get diagnosed by a professional, who would know more about it. For example, you can see a doctor or therapist about this and they will be able to tell you more about depression and treat you if you have it. Even if you don't have depression, though, they can be great for support and advice! Talk to an adult and see about seeing a professional.

I also decided that maybe I should have linked you to the hotlines list because you mentioned having suicidal thoughts. They cover a wide variety of topics and can work you through your problems.

I already linked you to the alternatives list on the post in Social Groups, but I will stress the importance of finding better ways to express your emotions, since self harm really doesn't do that. You can write, do art, or listen to or make music for instance. Exercise is also a good way to release stress.

You can do this!

-Dez

[house-of-usher]

Thank you for all of the things that you said about what i am going through. Part of my problem is that i am afraid to go to others about what i am going through. a few of my friends have figured out that i do and think this stuff and they have become furious. i truly have a hard time trusting others because of my past. i also don't have a solid relationship with my parents, especially my father. he makes a joke out of everything and he actually bullies me now and again. the relationship with my mother is okay, but she is a person the becomes beyond worried and angry about the simplest of things. i have talked to a councilor at my school, but i have a hard time trusting him with some of this information. he knows that i have had suicidal thoughts but he does not know about the scratching. i just do not know who to go to and who to trust anymore. i especially do not want to go to a doctor, because they would tell my parents everything. i truly don't know what to do.

[Usernames Suck]

I would say it's self harm. You're deliberately (as in, it's not an accident) hurting yourself. The fact that you're having a hard time stopping is also a red flag.

My cutting habits began with scratching, too. It might help you to try to go through a list of coping methods and finding out some that work for you and which are healthier alternatives to hurting yourself.

Originally Posted by house-of-usher

Thank you for all of the things that you said about what i am going through. Part of my problem is that i am afraid to go to others about what i am going through. a few of my friends have figured out that i do and think this stuff and they have become furious. i truly have a hard time trusting others because of my past. i also don't have a solid relationship with my parents, especially my father. he makes a joke out of everything and he actually bullies me now and again. the relationship with my mother is okay, but she is a person the becomes beyond worried and angry about the simplest of things. i have talked to a councilor at my school, but i have a hard time trusting him with some of this information. he knows that i have had suicidal thoughts but he does not know about the scratching. i just do not know who to go to and who to trust anymore. i especially do not want to go to a doctor, because they would tell my parents everything. i truly don't know what to do.

I completely understand this problem. I'm going to give you some perspective on each of these options, though what you do is ultimately up to you.

You say you can't trust your parents. I completely understand since you say your father bullies you and that you fear, I assume, that your mother won't give you the peace and quiet you would need to sort it out. Have you considered other approaches of telling them? You could write them a letter, or sit them down and have a serious conversation (along with giving them some resources so they can learn about the subject). I understand if you don't feel comfortable, though, you don't have to tell them and you know your home situation better than I do.

Why are you afraid of telling your counsellor? Are you afraid he might report you to the administration or tell your parents? Check what the regulations and terms are, that can give you a hint. How did he react to knowing you were suicidal? If he reacted well and tried to be helpful, he may not react badly to self harm. It's more common than you think and someone who works in a field like counselling would on principle know something about it.

As to your doctor. Doctors are usually bound by a confidentiality clause. This means they cannot disclose anything to your parents or anyone else and that what you say to them is between the two of you only. The specifics of these clauses vary depending on your jurisdiction and sometimes the hospital you go. The most common exception is usually that they'll call the police in the case of crimes.

However, in your jurisdiction there may be a clause that includes the patient being a danger to themselves. This may be only if the patient is about to commit suicide, though SH may be included.

The best way to check is to research it a bit. You can usually find a hospital's code of ethics, patients rights, and other such things on their website. If you call them or visit them in person they may also be able to give you the relevant information or give you informational pamphlets about their regulations. You don't have to give the specifics at this stage, just asking what their confidentiality rules are will suffice.

When you go in to see a doctor, you can also specifically ask if anything you say will be reported back to your parents. Usually, it won't be. In my experience, your parents will only hear about it IF you consent to.

Another option is seeing a therapist if you can, licensed ones are usually bound by confidentiality too (again, unless you're about to commit a crime or something). In my experience, therapists will ask you for permission if they think it would be helpful if they to talk to your parents.

You can also look into other options in your area. There may be support groups aimed at young people, for example. Do some research about that. It can be a cheaper and possibly less scary alternative.

[house-of-usher]

I understand that it would be best for me to go to my doctor about all of this, but i do not think that would work. my mother always stays in the room when i go to the doctor, so i can't talk to him about anything that i do not want my mother to know. i don't even think that i am old enough to go by myself and ask about what i am going through. i don't think there is anything that i can do to help myself through all of the crap.

[Tigereyes]

In most places, you do have to be 18 before you can go to the doctor by yourself. However, by around 16 or 17, they usually start giving you the option of having your parent step out of the room during part of the time. When I went to my appointment at 17, they told my mom she had to leave the room. If they don't give you that option, I'm sure you could ask to speak to the doctor alone for a while. It is possible that they would have to tell your mom about self harm because you're in danger to yourself so I would try to find out before you go if they're required to tell so that you know what to expect. If they do tell your mom though, the doctor would certainly make sure she understood.

[Usernames Suck]

Originally Posted by Tigereyes

In most places, you do have to be 18 before you can go to the doctor by yourself. However, by around 16 or 17, they usually start giving you the option of having your parent step out of the room during part of the time. When I went to my appointment at 17, they told my mom she had to leave the room. If they don't give you that option, I'm sure you could ask to speak to the doctor alone for a while. It is possible that they would have to tell your mom about self harm because you're in danger to yourself so I would try to find out before you go if they're required to tell so that you know what to expect. If they do tell your mom though, the doctor would certainly make sure she understood.

I agree with this.

You should find out about that hospital's regulations as I said in my post, to know what would happen. If there's some kind of psychological help hotline you could call it from a pay phone or something and ask, they may be able to give you more information. You can also look at the hospital's website or call it to ask what their confidentiality policies are.

In my experience you can ask to talk to your doctor alone before you're 16 or 17. It just depends on where you live. Where I live you can also see a doctor alone through programs aimed at young people.

If you're afraid your mother might be upset if you ask to see your doctor alone you can always ask your doctor to explain to her that it's normal for young people to want to speak to a doctor alone. She may feel better hearing this from a medical professional.

If their confidentiality agreement does not require your doctor to tell your parents, then they won't. They'll ask your permission if they think it would help. If you agree, and only then, they'll talk to your parents and do their best to make sure to educate your parents on the subject, answer their questions, make sure your parents understand and explain how they can help you and support you. This may be still be surprising for you parents but hearing it from a professional they respect can help.

You could always talk to your counsellor unless you believe that would be a problem, if your counsellor didn't report to anyone that you were suicidal (which is more urgent by most regulations I know of) then they probably won't say anything. You can also ask about the regulations there too.

[house-of-usher]

I completely understand what each of you are saying, but i do not know if any of that stuff would even be possible. I hinted to both of my parents once that i was depressed and they became furious. My father yelled at me and asked me over and over again why i felt that way. I did not have the guts to tell him or my mother.
I know that they love me and i know that they support me, but i really do not want to face their anger. My friends are mad at me because i harm myself and have thought taking my own life time and time again. i feel as though i can not talk to them about anything anymore. i understand that they are there to support me and care about me, but sometimes i wonder if i should even try anymore. i have tried time and time again to get better, but i keep returning to harming myself and thinking of killing myself, or at least horribly harming myself.
even through all of the stuff that each of you have said, i still do not feel like there is anyone i can turn to or trust. i am so scared that my friends that know about this stuff will go and tell my parents or even a councilor.
a few of them have even threatened to go to a councilor if things did not get better in their time. thank God they forgot, or else i don't know if i would be here today.
i truly think that i am a lost cause and there is no hope for me to get better.
please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. i truly need all of the strength and help that i can get.

[maria26]

I scratch too.. I do it because my parents sometimes make me feel bad about myself. Like im not good enough. And because alot of people hurt me. I get how you feel about telling people. My little cousin saw my cuts once before, I only told him mean people put them there. But I feel more comfortable talking to a close friend or someone I trust about my feelings. Not the scratching, sometimes when I get the chance to talk to somebody about what i feel it takes my mind off the scratching.

[house-of-usher]

I have found it really hard to cover up the marks on my arm and they are progressively getting worse and staying longer. I have no idea what to do and I am so afraid that my parents are going to see them. I tried makeup once before, but it just rubs off on my clothes. Does anyone know a good way to hide them besides makeup and constantly wearing long sleeves? I am quite frightened for summer to come. I don't want anyone to see what I have been doing to myself. I just hate it when people worry about me. It makes me feel smothered and like I am helpless. I just wish that people would stop worrying about me sometimes. Maybe my life would be a little easier and I would not have as much stress.
I truly wonder if I have a place on this earth.
I know from a religious standpoint that everyone is put on this earth for a reason, but sometimes it feels as though I might not have a place.
I just do not know what to do anymore.
Maybe it would be best if I was not here anymore. I wonder if people would truly miss me?

[Its.Just.Angie]

For covering them up keep them clean. They heal A lot faster. And you can bio oil or cocoa butter (I use cocoa butter works well for me) and they make them fade faster. Make up should be for last resort. Also you can use bandaids to cover them up and it works for me saying I "fell"

Yes scratching is Self harm. I used to scratch until I used tools and eventually I was cutting.. Now I just scare myself on what I can do.. I build up with intensity and you do too (that's why they are longer to heal) and sooner you stop the easier it will. I can't make you stop but I sure recommend it. It's gonna get A LOT harder to cover these things up..

I totally understand you don't want people to know. I was the same way. But when I opened up to my bestfriend It took off all the weight I had on my shoulders. And someone on my team found out and told the school counselor and eventually told my parents. Honestly To have a good support system it helps a lot! so people knowing (that you trust a lot) can helps.

Trust me girl you do have a purpose here on this earth. And yes people WILL miss you! It's hard to see that but it's true! I will miss you!! So please don't! It's NEVER the answer! Nor it never will be!

I hope everything gets better! Feel free to PM/VM me!

[house-of-usher]

Originally Posted by house-of-usher

Sometimes I wonder if I have depression and if that is what truly led me to do this to myself. I have had thoughts or suicide many times before and I have come close to doing some of the things that I envision.
.

Well this is something that is truly sad for me to say, but I got very close to committing suicide about a week ago. I have been so afraid to say anything that I have even had a hard time consulting with the wonderful helpful people on this site. I have envisioned doing this certain act to myself for a while and I got so close to committing the act, but thank God that I got scared and stopped myself from fully carrying it out. I am so scared that I am going to try and do it again.

Hey there,

I know you don't want to consult your parents or your counselor but it sounds like you are really struggling and it seems like the best thing you could do for yourself would be to reach out and let these people know just how much you are struggling. Despite feeling like a lost cause you are not. You are simply stuck in a really rough spot and it is going to take a lot of will and determination to get out of it. You can do it though. I know it is scary and I know that every single ounce of you is screaming to keep living in silence but the truth is you shouldn't suffer alone. Reach out and try and get yourself the help you deserve.

If you ever want to talk please feel free to message me.

[house-of-usher]

Thank you so much for what you had to say, but I feel as though I can not turn to anyone about any of this. Some days I feel as though I should just end it all that so people don't have to feel obligated to worry and care about me. I understand that I am hurting and that I am afraid of help, but I just don't know if I will ever get better even if I get help from others. I have told some of my friends some of the stuff that I have been going through and they are furious and threaten to force me to consult others, including my parents, about this stuff. I am religious and I have prayed to God about this stuff time and time again, but he has not answered my prayers. I understand that he answers prayers in his own time, but I need his help more than ever. I have no one to turn to and I feel so lost. I have tried to kill myself because I could not deal with it. I just don't know what to do or who to turn to anymore. I just want to be done with all of this.

[cookiesamilk]

Hey, I personally began with scratching and, sooner or later, that became not enough for me. I felt as if I needed more. I began with scratching, but it escalated and turned into cutting. So I would suggest doing whatever you can to try to break the habit of scratching, because otherwise I fear that it might escalate into something worse like it did for me.

[Its.Just.Angie]

Sorry to hear what you are going through right now. I know it seems hard to get help and stuff from others. But you do deserve all the help you need! I know you are going through a hard time and I totally understand when it feels like God hasn't answered your prayers (I'm Christian I pray to him to time to time) but he does have a plan and I know it's hard not to have hope, but there is! It's hard to see right now. If you can't turn to anyone.. You always can turn to me if you like that's why I'm on here I'm not the best at advice, but I'm always willing to listen so you can PM/VM me anytime

I understand that your dealing a lot right now. But you can get through it
Again feel free to PM/VM me

[house-of-usher]

Well, yesterday at school a girl that I am kind of friends with told me that she hurts herself as well. She showed me the marks that she has on her arm from using a razor. She told me that she would be there for me and to help me that so I don't have to go through what she does. Seeing what she does to herself puts everything into perspective for me. Many times I thought I was the only person at my school who harmed themselves, but she helped me to realize that I am not alone. There are people like me at my school who I can talk to about what I am going through.
I almost tried to kill myself yesterday morning and when I told this girl about it she said that she knows what it is like to go though all of the things that I am going through. God has shown me, through this girl, that I am not alone.

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

You're definitely right that you are not alone and shouldn't have to go through this alone. Your friend seems so amazing, and I bet the two of you can be a support system for each other when things get a bit rough, and not only that, but I bet both of you can have fun together and do friend things as well.

Remember, if you ever get thoughts of suicide again, please seek help.

[house-of-usher]

Trust me I am not suicide thought free. I have been thinking about suicide almost every day for the past week. I came close to killing myself many times and I almost killed myself once before. I don't know if she could help me with that.

[Its.Just.Angie]

Hey I want to say these things do get better. It may not be right now. Or a couple days.. These thoughts can be longtime. But it does get better I promise. So please please please don't do it. I had came really close a weekish ago. But I finally got a hold of myself. Yes I do have these thoughts. But I can manage them better. Thoughts like those can be a roller coaster there are intense ones and some not as intense. Please don't do it. I understand it's hard. Please it gets better. Please don't do it, it's never the answer. you deserve to live a happy life!

It's great to know you aren't alone. It does help a lot my bestfriend and I both SI. It does help a lot that we can support each other. it's really nice to have and when she stopped it gave me more motivation to stop And someone that understands helps a lot to you don't have to suffer in the silence it's really hard if you do. Just remember no matter what you are not alone.
Hope you are doing alittle better again feel free to PM/VM me about anything

[house-of-usher]

Well IDK if any of you truly care about me and what I am going through (usually no one does), but I wanted to update all of you on how things have been going. I have been scratching my arm more than usual and I think that I have developed scars. Idk what they are suppose to look like, but I truly think that I have them. My depression or at least that is what I think I am going through is getting a lot worse. I have thought many times just this week alone about killing myself. I am so scared that I might do something that I can never take back. My brother got a small rifle with his christmas money that so he can go out hunting with me dad. I have been thinking about the gun constantly this week and I have day dreamed about me shooting myself with that rifle. It is really bad that I have a good idea where the bullets are. Thank God I don't know how to load it. I don't know what I can do to overcome this. I hope someone here can help me because I am so afraid to go to others about this.
Thank you all for your help so far. If any of you are religious please keep me in your prayers and if not please keep me in your thoughts. Thanks again for everything that you all have tried to help me with. I pray that by the grace of God that I can overcome all of this and become better and happy again.

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

Hey there,

I know that you may be scared to tell someone about this, but I think that's what you are going to need to do right now. Sometimes we have to do something scary to get the results we want, and while we definitely would love to help you and keep supporting you, if you are having suicidal thoughts to the point where you have been constantly thinking about it and daydreaming about it, and that you are scared you will do something, it's definitely time to talk to someone about this and get help.

You may not want people to feel obligated to worry and care, but I think they'd rather worry about you now than find out later on that you have done something such as suicide and they didn't know to help you.

One way that may make it easier on you to actually tell someone is through something like a letter or email. Basically, write down what you are going through right now such as the self harm and suicidal thoughts. You can even copy and paste parts of your post here if you think they will help you describe things. Then, either send the email, hand them the letter, or put it somewhere you are sure they will find it (when I wrote my mom a letter, I put it on the kitchen table so once she got home from her morning shift she'd see it). I know it is scary, but they WILL help you. But they have to know first! Some people besides your parents you can tell are guidance counselors, teachers, doctors, and school nurses. But at this stage of the game, it's important to tell.

I know it may be hard to tell someone about this, but in the end, you shouldn't be going through this alone and you do need a support system around you. We can definitely be a part of that system, but you need people in your life as well.

-Dez

[house-of-usher]

I am so very happy to inform all of you who read anything that I posts that I am going to be getting help.
Yesterday at school one of the school counselors called me down to his office to ask how I have been. I told him everything that I have been going through. He told me that it was time to tell my parents and to go and get help. I was petrified about what my mother would say, but she completely surprised me. She told me that she knew that I was going through some form of depression. She said that she went through it too during high school, but she used music to help herself instead of harming herself and so forth. Me and my mother cried and held each other in our arms for what seemed like forever. After all of this she took me to the hospital and had me tested for depression and I am going to have a psychiatrist to talk to about once a week and after a month he or she will determine if I have to be put on medication. I am so happy that things went well and that both my mother and father will be there for support. God has blessed me in so many ways. He answered my prayers, but in ways that I would have never expected. I just pray that everything from here on out will go well and that I will get the help that I need and get better with time.

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

That is so amazing! You should be SO proud of yourself for letting someone in on what you are going through. I know it is scary sometimes to tell people what is going on, but it seem as if it was really worth it for you! Getting help is such an amazing first step, and I bet that now that you are getting support from people in your life, getting tested and speaking to a psychiatrist, things definitely will start to look up for you! You definitely can do this. Just make sure you are honest with those trying to help you, because that's how they can help you the best! I'm really glad to hear that everything went well.