Free of self-harm, but...

[AnALightbulb]

Hello all-

It has been one year and a month since I last relapsed. As happy as I am to have been delivered from harming myself, I fear my future. A lot will be changing this year- and some of those changes I feel will not go over very well. Last year was a struggle every now and then, but I was strong enough to fight against the urge. However, I am not sure if I can resist if I become weak due to the changes in my mere future. Last time I nearly relapsed, nothing could get my mind off of it (I tried reading, watching movies, writing, playing games, Facebook, texting (the two people I needed weren't available), music etc.) and it was very hard to overcome. I actually would not have made it unscathed if my best friend hadn't texted me at the exact moment she had. Usually when I struggle with it, I want to talk to the couple of trusted friends I have, but I realize I cannot have people there for me 24/7. Any suggestions to avoid relapsing when you cannot stop focusing on it, or when you feel really weak and find difficulty in ignoring the urge to self-harm? Thanks

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

Hi there,

It is so wonderful that it has been a year and amonth since you have self harmed last! You are doing really amazing, and I hope that you are able to keep up the great work.

I think it may help you a lot to broaden your support system a little bit. This could mean professionals, or different friends and family members, so at least this way you have a broader network of people you can go to when you have these urges.

It may help you a lot if you can start getting support for these changes and trying to find ways to deal with them as soon as you know that they are breaking you down rather than waiting as well, so it may not be as big of a problem.

It may also help you if you try and find ways to express some of the emotions inside rather than keeping them all pent up. I know you mentioned writing, but it still is a really awesome thing to have some sort of outlet.

I don't know who you live with, but even without getting support from the people around you, it's harder to self harm when you're around people, so that's something you can do! You can try entering the Chat Room here or calling Live Help as well for additional people.

If it's early enough in the day, you can take a walk just to clear your mind as well.

Here is a list of even more alternatives you can try when you get to that point.

Best of luck!

-Dez

[The Only Exception]

Hi,

I'm so proud of you! An entire year and a month clean is outstanding, and I believe that you can continue staying as strong as you have.

I agree with Dez about broadening who you talk to. I used to only talk to one friend about my self harm, until she went on a mission trip to Africa and couldn't be reached. It was then that I realized I needed others to turn to. Siblings, a teacher, a coach, or another trusted adult are only a few options. Heck, even talking to a pet works! Build up a small list of 5 people you can talk to if the urge becomes strong.

Self expression is also a great way to avoid relapse. I know you've mentioned writing, but you're not limited to just that. You can sew, knit, finger paint, sing, make friendship bracelets, etc. Creating something is a great way to let your emotions run wild on paper or canvas rather than your skin.

And of course, you can always talk to us here at TH. The Chat Room is an excellent place to talk to some of the members here, or you can PM me or anyone else whenever you need someone to talk to.

I hope I've helped in some way!
Best of luck to you!

[misunfortunate.]

Hi there.

I think it's really great that instead of waiting for the urges to creep up on you and knock you down, you're being proactive and seeking help. That's not something a lot of people would do, so it's definitely a very good sign and shows that you're willing to work at this and get better.

A year and a month is such a long time, and (even though I'm just a stranger behind a computer screen) I'm proud of you for it. Every time you beat the urge to self harm you get a little bit stronger, and it does get easier to say 'no' the next time they come knocking. In my experience it's totally normal to have fear for the future, especially when you want to move forward without falling back on old habits. I'm not sure how much help I'll be, but I'm going to try anyway.

The first thing I want you to remember is that change, although it can be scary, isn't necessarily a bad thing. In fact a lot of times change is good. Without it we wouldn't have butterflies, seasons, or, you know, any fun at all. So keep that in mind as you move forward; and remember that even if something doesn't seem good at first, there's always a chance it will turn around - or, even better, you can turn it around yourself. Personally I find that when change is out of my control it makes me feel unsettled and more likely to turn to SH - but the important thing is to focus on the things that you can change and the things you have control over, and let the other things slide by. There's no sense worrying yourself about them if you can't change them, right?

You mentioned that you were strong enough to fight off the urges last year - and there's no reason for that to change. You are strong, you've shown that you want to change, and I don't see why you can't make that happen. It's entirely possible to live a life free from SH, and feel good about it, so don't let anything stand in your way. Maybe you could try some simple confidence boosting activities, like repeating a mantra to yourself every morning (such as 'I am strong and I can achieve anything') or running through a list of your accomplishments (to remind yourself that even if you feel weak or inadequate at this moment, it's far from the truth).

While having people to help is a good thing, it's not always practical - like you've already said. So it's important to find ways to deal with urges by yourself; not because you're alone, but because sometimes you need to stand on your own two feet to get stronger. The alternative list Dez linked you to is definitely worth looking at, and I would highly recommend it. As the users above me said, try to find what works for you, a way to release your emotions safely.

I hope this helps, and remember that you can do this. We're all here for you, and we have faith in you.

Good luck with everything, and take care!