The cutting and burning!

[kittyhugs]

I just want to cut myself, and I cannot get rid of the compulsion. I've tried everything I could, like rubber bands and ice water, but nothing is helping!

I cannot do this act though because I signed a self harm contract today! The urge is overwhelming! Not even reading or listening to music is helping.

I just don't know what to do with myself!

I could go against the contract, no big deal, and just not tell my counselor....

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

Hi there,

I think that maybe you should speak with the counselor about what you are going through. Let your counselor know that you really feel the urge to break the contract right now because of the strong urges you are having, and that you are having a hard time with getting rid of the compulsion. Let them know what you have tried so far and how it hasn't worked. Maybe they can give you more things you do to get rid of the compulsion. If you don't see your counselor for a while, if you have their phone number or email, I bet your could try that, and they will answer.

In the meantime, if there are any friends and family members that you have that know about the self harm, you can talk to them about this. They can work some of the problems out with you so you can solve them rather than harm.

When you have the urge, maybe you can also do something like hang out with these friends and family members or go out of the house for a while, which will make it harder to self harm.

Also try and find ways to express what you are feeling, such as through writing or art, or even exercise. These things don't have to be good or extreme, the goal would just be to get out what you are feeling in a safer way.

This is a list of other alternatives you can try. Oddly enough, I find putting self harm off to be the thing that helps me the most lately. I'll stay talking in the Chat Room or finding other odds and ends to do, because eventually the urge fades like that. I'll say "I'll self harm in another hour, when I go to bed," and when that hour comes, either the urge has faded or I put it off longer.

You can do this! I do think it is important to be honest with your counselor, though, so they can help.

-Dez

[The Only Exception]

Hi there Maddie,

I'm sorry your feeling the urge. Believe me, I've been there, and it's super hard to overcome. I started cutting a few weeks back, and I've been clean about 3 weeks. But here's the good news: you are strong enough to overcome this urge! After all, this feeling is only temporary.
I would suggest you check out the alternatives list. There are so many different ways to cope with self harm listed there. Hopefully you can find something that suits you and prevents you from cutting. Some of them have helped me so much, they're definitely worth a look!
Something else that has helped me with my self harm is journaling. For example, next time you feel like cutting/have just finished cutting, write down how you're feeling, what triggered you, if anyone made you upset, etc. Later, once you're calmer, go back and read what you wrote. See if you can establish any patterns of anything that caused you to cut. Then, practice avoiding putting yourself in situations that make you feel the urge.
You can do this. I believe in you, okay? Stay strong!
If you ever wanna talk, feel free to PM me!
<3

[kittyhugs]

My counselor told me today that I could call her while she's in the office tomorrow from 8 to 5 and gave me a 24 hour number to call if I ever felt this way, but I really don't want to call that help line number because my family would hear me talk to them.

I could call my case manager but it's too late and I don't want to wake her up, plus she would just tell me to go to the ER anyway.

For now I'll try the suggestion of putting it off and see if that works or not, and as far as writing down the reasons for wanting to do this, it's hard because these things just come right out of the blue .

[The Only Exception]

Yeah, some of us are writers, some of us aren't.
Dez's suggestion is great! Occupy yourself, keep your hands busy, and keep putting it off like Dez said. Hopefully the urge will fade!

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

Maybe you can wait until they aren't home, or do it in a more private area like your room, or heck, if you have multiple bathrooms you can even do it in one of those. It's important you DO call someone if the urges get too strong, though, because you deserve the support!

I'm not sure what the contracts says though, but no matter what you should be able to be honest with your counselor.

[kittyhugs]

Yeah, if I can't put this off I'll call her tomorrow and be honest with her :/ Even if it means going back into the hospital.

I also did a suicide assessment, and I'm pretty curious to see my score on that.

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

Your safety is definitely important so it's great that you're going to call! Do whatever it takes to stay safe. Maybe you can discuss alternatives to the hospital, but if the hospital is what you need, do it.

[BeauFeauSheau]

Hey Maddie!

I say this a lot, but another thing that works for me in addition to what everyone else says, is to look around the forum and talk to other people going through similar situations as you. Try to help them, and you can put your feelings out there as well as helping other people, and in my opinion, nothing is better than helping other people I had some pretty strong urges today and yesterday and coming onto this board helped me out tremendously... If not for this forum, I would've definitely cut by now.

P.S. Feel free to PM me whenever, I love talking to people to help them out