Triggering (SH): Cutting is out of Control!

[CrimsonLines]

So my cutting is out of control. I cut multiple times a day. My arms, legs, and stomach are covered in cuts. I have run out of places to cut so now I am cutting over my old cuts. I don't have a therapist as of now because I am still on a waiting list. I have no one to talk to about everything that is going on in my life. I can't go to my mother because she thinks that I have stopped cutting and that I am perfectly fine. I think about suicide almost everyday. It seems that it is the only way to escape this horrible pain that I feel tugging at my heart and mind. Throughout this year, I have been admitted into the hospital four times now for a total of five months. In my mind I am debating whether I should go to the hospital or not. I am scared to go because that will mean I have to go to my mom and tell her everything. I am getting desperate for help though. I'm scared that I am going to do something stupid either by cutting too deep or by taking my own life by the means of an overdose. I don't want to worry my family again so I find it is easier to keep all of my feeling to myself. I feel as though my family would be disappointed in me if I went back to the hospital because they think I am doing fine, for I hide behind a smile. I don't know what to do. Should I keep quiet or should I reach out.

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

Hi there,

I really think that you should speak to your mother about this. I know that you are afraid of your family being disappointed, but think of it this way. Would you rather have them a bit worried now, or have them face the emotions if you do attempt to overdose or if you seriously injure yourself? It really is worth it to get help. Your mom can try and support you. She loves and cares about you and only wants the best, so I bet she'd rather know about it now than before it gets even worse.

It may also be a good idea to go to the hospital because they can treat you properly and keep you safe. So, please do seek help. I know it's scary, but it can really benefit you and you shouldn't deal with it all on your own. There are people who are so willing to help, but you do have to reach out.

Also, try and find ways to express your emotions, such as writing, art, or music. Exercise is also a good way to release stress. With using methods like these, you would be getting all of your pent up emotions out of the way safely. You can also use one of these alternatives for even more ways to cope and stop from self harming.

I know that you may not think so right now, but this bad won't last forever. I can tell you are trying really hard and it's a really good thing you're even considering getting help because that shows there is part of you that wants to keep carrying on. All of your effort will be so worth it someday. You have things to do and places to go, people to meet and goals to complete. Don't give that all up now. Need even more reasons to live? Go here.

I know you can do this!

-Dez