Self harm affecting me

[Hedaweda]

My bestfriend has recently started self harming quite badly, I want to be there for her and comfort her but it is becoming really hard for me because I am going through alot myself and I am being badly tempted to try self harming myself, if she keeps doing it it must help so it should help me to? I am becoming worse and worse, I have cut myself once already, i just need to know what to do.

[LlamaLlamaDuck]

I've just moved this over to Self Harm since I feel it fits better in there.
The best thing you can do for your friend just now is be there for her. I've been exactly where you are and I know how difficult it is. Make sure she knows you're there if she ever needs to talk, and if she were to do or say anything that triggered you (made you feel like you wanted to harm yourself) then let her know. Supporting each other is a good way for you both to recover from this since you both know what it's like and can trust each other with whatever you're feeling or going through.

Check out our Alternatives to Self Harm thread for a list of ways to distract yourself when you feel the urge to harm yourself. Distraction and support are the best ways to recover.

Take good care of yourself, and I hope you both get through this.
-Louise.

[Zace]

Hey Heather. First off welcome to TH, I hope you like it here.
It's really nice that you care so much about your friend and are trying to help them through the stuff they're dealing with and I can understand you being tempted by the idea of the "relief" that self harm can give. But as someone who is dealing with it myself I can tell you that it makes life a lot harder than it might seem and the help that it gives disappears quicker than you might think. I can only imagine that it'd be much harder and escalate much quicker if you started while having a friend who self harms. And I know you'd find it harder to help them stop.

So my advice would just be to stay strong for yourself and your friend and not start. It's a horrible habit and is extremely difficult to break once started. As for what you're going through maybe you could try talking to your friend and getting support from her as well? But we're always here if you need support or advice too, it seems you're getting the hang of the forums though, maybe try chat sometime.

Anyway, I hope I helped a little. Don't hesitate to message me if you have any questions.

- Zace

Hey there, Heather.

I'm sorry your friend does it. You're a great person and friend for helping her. Maybe it'd help to suggest some professional help for her, ask her to talk to someone, like her parents maybe. You could also show her the Self-Harm Alternatives list, and you can use it as well. You could also make her and one for yourself, a Calm Down Jar. The Butterfly Project is also a great thing, you two could draw your butterflies on each other's arms.

I can understand how it'd tempt you, especially since you say you're going through some things yourself. Maybe you should talk to someone too, for some support? Can you talk to your friend about this? As for self-harming, I know that it seems like it'd help. But it really doesn't, trust me. I've self-harmed and to this day, I deal with urges and my scars. I'm one week free but I've relapsed several times in the past, which made me feel even worse. Self-harm becomes addictive since it releases endorphins when you do it. You can release endorphins by exercising! Finding other healthy ways of coping and expressing yourself could help too. Such as writing poems, watching your favorite tv shows, writing your feelings in a journal, and listening to music. Some hobbies could help you too.

Message me anytime if you need to talk.