I just started cutting

[frison1313]

Hey, i'm new on this forum
I'm a 15 years old girl.
I first started cutting 3 weeks ago, i was so angry, and before i knew what i was doing, i had made little marks on my wrist with my compass. I was feeling so great after, so calm, like i had the control of me and the situation. Not enough to bleed, but enough to leave a mark for 2 days. Then my mind was always thinking about cutting another time, it was an obsession. I did it again 4 days later and still do it 3 times a week. But now, it's weird, but the compass is not enough to satisfy me, it doesn't hurt enough, i don't feel it anymore so i went with a pins, wich is more better, because i can see the marks even if i still not bleed. But i know it's stupid, but i needed more, i wanted to feel more secure, so i bought a swiss knife which i can carry with me everywhere. I feel i still control the situation but i have one feet on a stair if i use the knife then my two feets will be on the stair and i won't have the control anymore. It's been 4 days i haven't cut, but i feel i'm gonna do it again soon (sometimes with reasons, sometimes because i miss the feeling or because i feel i deserve it). I see a therapist, but i want to wait to tell her even if she knows i've done it once, she thinks i stopped.
Do you think i'm becoming addictive to cutting? it feels so nice, and it's like once you've tasted it, you can't forget it. it's much more easier to lean to the dark side...
Thanks you in advance for your answers

First of all welcome to the forums.
I have to say cutting is very addictive and it sounds like you already are starting to get addicted to it. Its good that you don't cut deep enough to bleed or leave scars but it still is bad for you. The fact that you bought a knife and are wanting to use it is not a good thing. I think you should tell you councilor the next time you see them so they can help you stop before you really get addicted to it to the point were you can't function without it.

I don't know the link but in the self-harm forums there is an alternative thread that you should check out and every time you feel like cutting you should use one of them instead of cutting.

If you ever need to talk, someone to listen to you, or just to vent know I am always here for you, you can pm me anytime or vm.

I hope this helped

[frison1313]

Thank you so much for your fast answer, it makes me feel better to know that i'm not alone. Yes i think i'll talk to my concilior next time i see her

That's a good idea. Remember she or he is there to help you. If you need anything or someone to talk to just know im a pm or vm away

[calgary01]

You're really not alone, there are so many who struggle with it at some level. Definitely try and stop beforeit gets worse, also it has really helped me to have someone that you know you can count on day and night to call or talk to if you get the urge. Sometimes keeping yourself busy until the urge eases off works too. That's one of my favorite strategies because I won't self harm unless I'm alone no matter how much I feel like it. I know at least for me being around people is the last thing you want when you feel like self harming but surrounding yourself with people helps you be safer when that urge does get almost uncontrollable! Be strong

[frison1313]

Thank you so much to both of you ! I do have a friend with who i can talk, but if it becomes uncontrollable, i know i'll keep this for me...
I cut again today..

[Goodbye_Lullaby]

Hi,
I'm so sorry to hear you have started to self harm. And I'm not going to say you should stop here and now and never do it, I know it's not that easy. But what I will say is try hard to stop, and talk, talk to people. Distract yourself as others have said, and try a negative image technique I suggested to my friend. When you have the urge place a negative image in your mind, something self harm might lead to then stop and think do I want that. And you mentioned you wanted controll of the situation, doing this stopping to think, do I want this? And take controll and put what ever you have down and walk away.
And we're all here to talk

[frison1313]

Thank you so much for your help Goodbye_Lullaby and you're understanding, it's true, you can't say stop doing this, it's no that easy.
I'm just surrounded by people who are teasing me at school, and kind of feel alone. And their words hurt me, their words cut through my skin, and at night everythig they said come back to me and i feel angry, sad, stressed.. and cutting is the only way of forgetting all those things

[~simplymarci~]

dont be scared if you get addicted to it there are amillion of us and thats how i started out just making marks on mi arm when i was 10 and now will turn 15 just like you. try not to go so far becuase since you are just e beginner it will be easier for you to stop and trust me even though it feels good at first later on when the cuts get so deep that you can see your meat coming out you will regret it with all your heart and look back and think"shit i should of stopped before i got addicted".i hope the best for you

[Broken Constellation]

I hate to say it, but it seems like you have an addiction. On the bright side, though, it'll most likely be much easier for you to stop, since you've started recently. I've been cutting for years, some months I do it more than other months, and some, I don't cut at all. One thing that has been helping me to not cut when I feel the urge, is, instead of cutting, I snap a hairband [or rubberband] on my wrist. It gives you a painful [slap] sensation [if that's what feels good to you] and whenever I think about cutting, I snap it against myself, and it's sort of saying "No! Don't think of/do that!!" Another good thing, is that it doesn't leave a scar or bleed.
Some day, though, you should be able to not have to use the band to fight off the urge.
Good luck, I hope this technique helps.

[frison1313]

Thank you for the tips Broken Constellation, i'll try to think of it whenever i have the urge
thank you