I've fricking had enough!!!!!! - Page 2

LycanGrrrl · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 01:18 PM

I know only to well...

.KillCasino. · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 01:23 PM

I find it hard to cope. I just, I don't know. I don't know what I'm asking, I just need someone here, you know...I need someone to wake me...

LycanGrrrl · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 01:25 PM

How? If I knew how I would but I dont and all I can do is tell you that it will be alrite.....if not now, soon

.KillCasino. · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 01:27 PM

I was supposed to follow the signs. He wrote a song about...and then he...and...I should have stopped him. I thought I could learn from my mistakes but obviously not :[ I feel so alone, so empty, so distant.. :[ I really, really wanna just go..

LycanGrrrl · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 01:31 PM

You didnt know he was going to kill himself. I was stupid because I knew James was going to kill himself and Bella.....They were soulmates, you know? James was sick and he wanted to leave behind the pain....But Bella is still here saying the party cant begin without me. Coping is difficult but i'm trying and i want you to try to, ok?

TheNumber42 · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 01:31 PM

Whatever you do, please don't go. Would he have wanted that for you? We're all here for you, everything is going to be ok. If there is anything I can do to help or make you feel better or anything, just tell me. I'm here to do whatever I can to get you through this, ok?

Abby is right, there was nothing you could have done. You didn't know, don't blame yourself. You did everything you could.

.KillCasino. · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 01:34 PM

No, you see thats where you're wrong. I did know. We argued moments before. Then he disappeared and...I knew and I couldn't stop him!

LycanGrrrl · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 01:35 PM

We're more similar than I thought...I'm so sorry Laura...So so sorry... Words cannot express...

.KillCasino. · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 01:39 PM

I find it hard to move on, you know..? Its like, I don't grieve at the time, I do it months later...like when my nanna died, I didn't cry until like 2 months later. People think I'm emotionless, my best friend of 17 years has never seen me cry, I hate letting people see me when I'm weak. But I can't hide it anymore...they just don't understand..when he left, it was like...I couldn't believe it. When he left a lot of people fell out with me. They blamed me. I see why...It hurt because not only did I lose him, I lost all of them too...my most important friends :[

TheNumber42 · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 01:47 PM

I'm the same way. Alot of my friends actually think I have no emotions, and I'm not joking. I hide everything away so well, that no one in my life truly knows how I feel.

That they left you over something that was not your fault and that you would have stopped if you'd had the chance just shows, to me, what kind of people they are. They should have been there for you, not blaming you for this, because it wasn't your fault.

I'm so sorry, I know that I can't truly understand what you're going through, but I'm here for you, whenever you need me. I'll do my best if you do yours.

.KillCasino. · 01:58 PM

I'm dead inside. Literally. I'm so cold. He wants me to be with him. He's here now :]
He tells me so much, I love him...he still looks the same, he looks perfect.
I'm thinking, because I've been thinking a lot. He wants to walk with me and he wants to take me to that place...
It's all going to begin from there :]

TheNumber42 · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 01:58 PM

Well, if he's here now, then just stay here with him, and with us. Just keep talking to us.

You can be alive inside again, you can be happy. It seems impossible, but it isn't. You said things couldn't get worse than they are now earlier, well, that means the only way to go is up. Just stay around long enough for that to happen

.KillCasino. · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 02:03 PM

But you don't understand Cody, I think I've just found my happiness...I think I've just found it :]

TheNumber42 · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 02:10 PM

Right now? How did you find it? You're right, I'm not quite sure I understand, could you explain it to me?

.KillCasino. · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 02:13 PM

The one person that made me happy was him. He made me feel alive, he made me feel like a human, like I was loved. He trusted me and I trusted him...with my life. Now he's gone and I'm depressed even more, but when he was around he was making me feel better...so there's the answer to my problem. I'm going to be with him :]

TheNumber42 · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 02:18 PM

No, Laura. You don't have to do this. You can have a long, happy life. I know you have the strength to do that. He's always going to be there, why not take advantage of the wonderful opportunities you have in life before going to be with him? Experience the things you've never experienced, taste things you've never tasted, see things you've never seen, be happy. I know you have the strength to do this. Just hold on, don't let go.

.KillCasino. · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 02:19 PM

No, you don't understand :] I was meant to do this, this was meant to happen :] This is my way out Cody, my escape. This is my way of being with him! :]

TheNumber42 · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 02:23 PM

Laura, how do you know that? How do you know you'll even be with him when you do this? There is no guarantee. Why take that risk before you live your life to its fullest? If this is the way to be wit him, he'll still be there, so why give up now. Have the best of both worlds, live a long, happy life, then later you can be with him.

Just don't go, I don't want to lose you. You have so much ahead of you, and you mean so much to me. Just please stay strong and don't go.

.KillCasino. · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 02:24 PM

I'm sorry you feel that way but...but...I'm happy now! I've found it, I've found my reason...why can't you be happy for me, Cody? :[

TheNumber42 · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 02:27 PM

Ok, I just want to make sure I'm understanding this, and forgive me if I've misunderstood, I can be slow sometimes. You want to kill yourself to go be with him?

.KillCasino. · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 02:29 PM

Dont use that terminology Cody :] I am mearly entering a new world to be with him :]

TheNumber42 · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 02:36 PM

Laura, you are really scaring me. You make it sound like you're just changing cities or something. But this is so much bigger than that. You are talking about DYING , KILLING YOURSELF. I understand that you want to be with him, that he makes you happy, I really do understand that, but this isn't the way to do it. If you do this, you can NEVER take it back. Once you are dead you are dead forever.

And there are so many people that realy, really care about you. Everyone that has ever posted in one of your threads or helped you cares. I care about you so much, you really have no idea.

Just please, don't dive into anything before you've really thought about this, it's not the right choice to make.

.KillCasino. · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 02:39 PM

Haha, but Cody, can't you see? I HAVE thought about this, for the past few months. I haven't thought about anything so much before in my whole life! I know this is the right choice to make, seriously, I'm so happy :] I know you're trying to help, but you should be happy for me :]

TheNumber42 · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 02:43 PM

I'm happy that you're happy, I really am. It's just the reason that is scaring me so much. I don't want to lose you. And I don't want you to do this when you don't even know it will work. What if you are wrong and it doesn't take you to be with him, what if you just cease to exist altogether? Or what if you are taken somewhere other than he is, somewhere so horrible it makes your life right now seem wonderful?

.KillCasino. · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 02:45 PM

Why do I get the feeling you're trying to make me stay in this hellhole. I don't know if i'll see him, but its worth the risk, he wants me to go soon Cody, so I don't have long :] I'm sorry if i'm scaring you, I don't intend to...

TheNumber42 · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 02:52 PM

Because I am trying to make you stay!! You deserve a long, happy life, and you can have it too. But not if you throw it away for this right now.

I'm sorry if it seems like I'm trying to force you to do something that you don't want to do, but I really, really don't believe that this is the right decision and I want you to stay so badly.

.KillCasino. · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 02:53 PM

Yeah, of course.
You make me giggle :]
Long and happy life? Yeah, I'm working on that right now, only you're trying to stop me! :]

TheNumber42 · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 02:58 PM

How can you have a long and happy life by ENDING YOUR LIFE. Maybe I'm just not seeing something, but it seems like an impossibility to me.

.KillCasino. · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 03:06 PM

because I'm going to a different world, Cody. I will live happy there.

TheNumber42 · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 03:12 PM

But how do you know you will be happy there? How do even know that there is a 'there'?

And what about the people you leave behind? The people that will feel as absolutely horrible as you felt. What about them?

.KillCasino. · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 03:12 PM

Cody...he's gone...
He's left me, you kept me here too long!

TheNumber42 · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 03:17 PM

Laura, I'm so sorry, but you must realize this was the best way. You can stay here and have a long happy life. Then sometime way off in the future, you can join him. He'll still be there for you. Now just isn't the time.

.KillCasino. · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 03:22 PM

I just need him. I need him so much. I need him. It hurts. He's the reason i'm like this...because...because I miss him...and I hate myself. I hate myself so much!

TheNumber42 · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 03:28 PM

I know you miss him and I know this is hard, but you are strong, you can make it through this.

Why do you hate yourself? You are an amazing person, what reason do you have to think otherwise?

I'm always here for you, don't forget that. And I know the same can be said for any of the other people that have posted to help you out before. We're all behind you, you can do this.

.KillCasino. · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 03:40 PM

I don't think I can talk...
I don't think I can speak anymore...

TheNumber42 · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 03:44 PM

I understand, but if you do decide you want to talk, I'm here to listen

Believe me, talking will make you feel alot better though.

.KillCasino. · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 03:48 PM

I feel sick :[ he's really gone...I'm stressing myself and back comes the migrane and the nosebleed :[ sucks...*sigh*
And my mum keeps going 'I hope you're not on any of those sites, she doesn't understand...'

.KillCasino. · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 04:08 PM

Okay. Okay. Okay. I now realise this. I now realise what I have to do. I now realise that...that, I really seriously need to do this more than anything.

.KillCasino. · 04:48 PM

sorry.........for being a right twat.

.KillCasino. · **Re: I've fricking had enough!!!!!! -** January 22nd 2009, 04:46 PM

I just want to have a sort of final vent of a sort. I want to say that I am sorry. I promised to be different when I returned but I couldn't keep that promise. I decided that I'd help people, again, I haven't helped anyone. I wish that I was a nice person, I wish that people liked me...but I'm one of these people who just hangs around, no one notices. No one even cares, and yes, I know that. You don't truly care about me, and I understand the reasons why. So, I'm a fricking bitch. I know that. Sorry. I can't change who I am. Tonight I'm being a bitch. Every night I lose it! Every night I lose the fricking plot. I can't do this. I give up for real. Seriously. I love you all, mostly Cody, coz he's the one who's really tried his hardest, but Cody, you did good :] I love you :] I'm sorry if I wasted your time, I'm finding it hard...I just need a break...

I can't be bothered to continue anymore.