Triggering (Suicide): enough

[Em0bxy]

I've had enough of everything. I've had enough of life, of people talking to me, of hiding my cuts, of not being able to die. I might tell my counselor about these thoughts though I might end up in the ER, I want to kill myself. I might kill myself. I'm telling my counselor this tomorrow. I might say: "I've been having thoughts about ykw and I am thinking and planning how to act on it" if I'm in the group therapy session, but if I end up talking to her 1-1 then I could say "suicide" in replace of "ykw". I'm so scared...I wanna die so fucking badly...I'm telling my counselor cause I need to be alive for my boyfriend. We have a suicide pact.

Ashton Out

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

I think it is amazing that you are thinking of talking to your counselor about these thoughts, or in the group therapy session. That takes a whole lot of courage and I think the fact that you are considering telling someone means a part of you DOES want help/to get better. If it's hard to talk about verbally you can also write it out in a letter that you hand to the person you want to tell. It helps you make sure you get everything out without any type of nerves or interruptions getting in the way, and you can get every point you want to make out.

I would also tell your counselor about the suicide pact you are in so your boyfriend can get some help too. A suicide pact is something serious and if he's in a bad place he deserves to get help for how he's feeling too. He may be upset at first but he will realize that you are only doing this for his benefit.

[Em0bxy]

I've told someone about it before and he went through the same program I'm in now because of it. He never cut off the suicide pact but it's only if I commit suicide for some reason, it's not if he commits he says but Idk.

[¯|_(ツ)_|¯]

It's pretty unhealthy for any relationship (or friendship) to have a "if you go, I go" pact. That creates a lot of pressure on the other person. I'd talk to him about this and see if he can drop that. If anything, it honors you both to stay alive.

[Em0bxy]

Yeah, I could talk to him about that