Triggering (Suicide): ...vent...

[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]okay.... so i created a suicide plan, dunno if imma act on it yet or not, but anywho, I might tell my counselor today cuz shit I'm like... 0.000000000000001 away from actually doing it. tmrw or sunday would be the day I'd do it, I won't go into detail about the plan, but like I feel like I shud talk to my counselor but idk how to cuz idk if it's gonna be K or L today. yesterday I left during the session cus I started having suicidal ideation and needed a break(group therapy), and during my walk was when I made the plan final.
Saturday(Or sunday),
taking a shower,
medication,
shampoo & conditioner....
you can figure out what I do next. so yuh, im also about make myself 0 days clean from sh which is wonderful. what's the point of having a clean streak when I might fucking die? idec abt staying clean anymore. fuck it, if I tell my counselor I might go inpatient again, but I'll find away to curve the system and hurt myself or die anyway. i know it. but I might still tell K if I have her cus she's better, and L is...ok, I told her about my last relapse but like bro fucking asked "what's relasping" LIKE YOU'RE A GODDAMN ADOLENSENTS GROUP THERAPIST, MOST OF US EITHER SELF-HARM OR ARE SUICIDAL OR SOME KINDA DAMN ANGER ISSUES, LIKE WTF DO YOU MEAN "wHaT's ReLaPsInG"???!?!?!?! Sorry, bro kinda pissed me off with that one. But if I got K today( I shud) I might tell her cuz she had called my parents last time but she handles things better and won't fucking say "what's relasping" LIKE JIT IS A T H E R A P I S T. like bro my aunts best friends son, D, went to natchaug in my town and bro I fr might see him there. sure he's on the adult unit, but like- anywho, it doesn't matter. if I get help I might not die, but I still could cus fr I deserve to be dead. kids tried to kill me back a few years ago, I was SA'd a few damn times. So like, I deserve to be dead, why not make peoples wishes come true, huh.

Sorry about the whole initals thing too I'm used to not being able to say names and having to say intials to represent who's who.[/size]

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Hello, I am sorry that you are having a hard time with this and hope that you will be okay soon. When you have time, try talking to someone about how you are feeling so that they can help you to be okay soon, talking helps because they are able to see what you are going through and find a way to help you.

[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]So I kinda went inpatient...
I got SA'd at the hospital too
nothing changed
still active
created another plan
might act on it
might not
I dunno[/size]