nothing ever gets better

[FrozenRobot7]

i have struggled with depression of and on since high school (sophomore in college now) and i keep telling myself that things are going to improve. while things do obviously improve for spans of time, i feel like i always just circle back to the same place and i question how i can keep moving through this cycle.

i have had a lot of family problem starting when i was in 7th grade and with time they have only worsened. on top of this, i have ocd and there have been times in the last few years that the symptoms feel like they are taking over my life. i think i get a grip on things and then another new symptom pops up and it is also an endless cycle. i have spoken about this with a therapist and the two seem to be connected in some ways, but that makes it even harder to control.

i moved out of the house and to college last year and at first things seemed to be a lot better. but as time moved on, my family complained to me more and more about each other and their lives back home and it felt inescapable and it still does. recently its been particularly bad because my mom has been having a lot of health issues and it seems that has only worsened things there. i hear a 15 minute daily rant from my mom about how terrible everyone is and while ive tried to set boundaries in the past, they are bulldozed over like i never said them.

it feels like whatever progress i make is useless and i end up in the same nothingness space where i just am so tired. i feel like i am fighting a constant uphill battle and i dont see any end in sight. i want to keep holding on but its becoming harder and harder and i just want the struggle to be over already.

is there any suggestions as to how i can make life feel more manageable?

[Astro04]

Hello,
Nothing is useless and nothing is useful. Depends every situation.
Sure you only can do it in the bad way? Maybe it was not the right choice to do it now, but I'm sure it will get the game anyway.
Lots of people thinks like you. You're not the only one.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Hello Danni

I am so sorry that you have been having a hard time with this and hope that you will be okay soon. Would you be able to try talking with someone about how you have been feeling? A friend or family member or counselor or therapist or someone else to help you out with how you have been feeling? They maybe able to help you to feel better.

When we are having a hard time it can be hard to see something good that is going to happen to us. With time something good can happen to us, it can be something small or something big and this can help pick you up or make you feel a little bit better. When we feel that everything is going wrong and will it get better, it will get better, sometimes we are not able to see it right away, but with time it can. Try finding something to help you to get your mind off of how you are feeling, going for a walk or listening to music or watching movies or TV shows or calling someone or painting or writing or baking cookies or brownies or finding something else that you enjoy doing and hopefully this can help pick you up some. With time, everything does get better. Someone told me this a while back, sometimes you just have to ride through the waves and it will be okay. What this means is, sometimes we have hard times and we have to ride it out and then it is okay because everything is calm like the water. It would be nice if life was amazing all the time. I'm sorry you are having a hard time with this and I hope that you will be okay soon. Sending you lots of to help you to be okay soon.

Hi there, thanks for reaching out. I do want to ask something, when you say you tell your family you're setting boundaries, do you actually do anything about it? Do you take the extra steps beyond saying the words "I'm setting boundaries" or "I need my space" such as ignoring their phone calls, their texts, social media messages, and/or emails? If you haven't, I would suggest doing this — obviously not cutting them off completely — and try to check the messages and respond to them once every other day or two.

I wonder if this could be contributing to the extra stress you're feeling and that cycling of going between feeling great and feeling crappy. Family is important, sure; but your emotional and mental well being matters too! I get wanting to be there for your family while they're going through tough times, but take care of yourself.

You come first. Remember that.

Hey Danni,


So, there are a few things I want to address and I hope it will help in some way. Firstly, I want to empathize with you on how frustrating it can be to have to deal with these cycles. I have bipolar, OCD and a whole lot of other stuff. My bipolar and OCD kind of go hand in hand and the OCD fuels my anxiety and it is a cycle. What I want to say is that it can get better but, usually, it takes time and small steps. These small achievements and steps will add up and eventually you will be able to look back on your life and see the growth. This is probably the most frustrating part of recovery because we have to struggle till it improves and, more often than not, we want the pain to stop sooner. It took quite some time for me to get to a better place with my mental illness. I still struggle and I know this is something I will face for the rest of my life but I have found that my struggles resolve themselves in a better way than they have in the past and I have more hope and knowledge that I will get through the spike in symptoms. I think the hardest thing for me in the past was that I never got to see what doing better looked like so I had a lot of hopelessness. Is that something you struggle with as well?


I think it is great that you go to therapy. Do you feel like you have a good working relationship with your therapist? Do you feel like you are working on the things you need too? If you feel like your therapist is helpful, I would suggest sharing more of this with her and see if there are goals you can work on in therapy to get to a better place.





Do you currently see a psychiatrist? If not, that might be an option. I know seeing a psychiatrist and taking medication can be scary but you might be able to talk to your therapist about any concerns you have and see if she can refer you to someone that takes your medical insurance. With the right psychiatrist you might be able to find a longer term medication that can help to alleviate the symptoms you are having so that you can work on longer term solutions in therapy. I have found therapy to be exhausting and when I am having a flare up and need a medication adjustment it is harder to work on the issues I need to in therapy because I am battling the flare up. The medication helps alleviate it all and then I work on it more thoroughly in therapy.


Lastly, I think that finding a way to put firmer boundaries with your family, specifically your mother is important. I know this is difficult to do and not everyone respects boundaries but she sounds like she is draining you. It might be a good idea to talk to your therapist a bit more about these boundaries and how best to assert them. I have two suggestions. One, I think that when you feel able too, you might try telling your mom that you are struggling and cannot cope with the interactions you are having. You should not have to provide all that emotional labor to interact with your mom. I know she might not respect this but it might feel nice to actually tell her and put that boundary up. If you do this or feel you cannot do this, another option is to stop taking her calls every day. Take them once or twice a week instead. I know there might be barriers to that but I have limited contact with some family due to struggles with boundaries and it being the best option.


I hope that this helped in some way and if you need anything feel free to PM me.