Triggering (SH): I almost killed myself yesterday

[melol]

Yesterday I watched Love, Simon and cried more than I ever have for something, like, ever. It really hit me where it hurts because as a trans guy I get extremely jealous of all cisgender men just being able to be themselves without surgery or having to transition in general. Pairing that with being bi and having extremely unsupportive parents made me a mess. After the movie, which I recommend, I really did enjoy it, I just lay on the couch for a bit and stared at the ceiling. I then looked over to my [edited] drew blood. I got scared even though I know nothing will change just because I didn't kill myself. I can't deal with the fact that I will never be cis or the fact that ill never be my parent's son or the fact that I can't medically begin to transition for at least two years. I'm closer than ever to ending it and its even worse than when I was 13, 3 years ago and in a really bad mindset then. I don't know what to do.

[Astro04]

And? You're still a person like everyone else. Your personal likes shouldn't modify your lifestyle... or else. Remember that you it's just you.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Hello Calvin,

Thank you so much for telling us about what you have been going through and I am so sorry about all of this and also how you are feeling upset and hurting from this.

If you go to school, try talking to the school counselor about all of this, they know so much and they always want to help us to feel better. Or if you have a favorite teacher or something else at school that you trust and try talking with them. If you are not able to talk about this face to face then it is okay, would you be able to try writing a letter and put everything in it that you are going through and then give it to them.

When we are watching movies or TV shows about something that we are going through, it can make us feel upset and different things and that is totally fine, you see someone else going through what we are also going through. Would you be able to ask someone at school if they know any support groups and then you will be able to talk to them and they will understand. You are also welcome to post more too. When you are having a hard time try to find something to help you get your mind off of this for a while, reading a book for a while or drawing or painting or listening to music or watching movies or calling a friend or family member or finding something else that you enjoy doing. I hope you will be okay soon.