Idk

[Taylah]

I don't know where im going with this so sorry in advance.

I have volunteered somewhere for 7 years. I recently had a breakdown where I was told I had to take a break coz volunteers can't be seen as struggling that bad. I hate it.
I also decided at that point if my anon posts are being watched im not going use it and I'm not going to hide my feelings. And overall I have improved... I don't get to the breaking point.
It's been 3 months and I have been told I have to be more okay than what I am. I have thought about suicide and self harm daily for years. And they have contact information and all that if they need it. But saying that outloud (in a post) isn't allowed. I'm scared if I stop I'll have another breakdown.
As it is, I'm not sure if I will be able to continue fighting these thoughts for much longer. But I don't want the riskvto go up either.

[Everglow.]

Hi Taylah,

I'm sorry that this is something you're dealing with. Talking and writing about feelings is a really good release for when your mood is very low, and if that is part of how you cope you should be able to express yourself. Would you be able to contact the people who made the decision for you to take a break and explain this? I can understand from one side that volunteers wellbeing needs to be considered, and that if you are seen as struggling it is a sign that a break might be a good idea, however if it then takes away a healthy means of coping it does seem counterproductive.

Please know that you will always have a voice here and if you are ever in need of advice, support or even just a space to let out how you feel, you can always post on TH or send me a message.

Having a good selection of coping skills is always good too. Expressing yourself in posts seems to be really helpful which is good, but perhaps you can try other coping tools just so that your options are broadened. Have you tried being creative with your emotions? For example, when you are feeling the urge to hurt yourself, perhaps instead of taking it out on yourself you can take it out on a canvas or page and create something. You could also write something, such as a story or poem, and then use this as a way to express yourself too.

Hopefully you are able to find a way to continue volunteering, whilst still being able to cope the way you feel helps best.