Triggering (Suicide): I want to die

[Shauniex]

I'm in this depressed state I keep watching suicide videos and it's making me want to leave even more then before. I'm slowly giving up, I haven't felt like this in ages so I don't know what has brought this on, I'm afraid. 😔

Thanks for reaching out and I'm sorry you're struggling right now. I think the best thing to do for now would be to remove yourself from the triggers. Shut down youtube or whatever media streaming platform you're watching these videos on, and walk away. I find that writing always helps when I am feeling overburdened with thoughts and emotions. You can choose to write in a private blog elsewhere or utilize TeenHelp's own blogging system.

I suggest looking at our resources guide to see what would best suit your needs at this time.

Stay safe.

[Shauniex]

Thanks. I'll take the advice

The thing about emotions is they love to feed on themselves. Whenever we feel an emotion, we are often tempted to lean into it because we want to validate our experience. This can often happen with media of all types- films, TV shows, social media, books, music, etc. While this isn't necessarily always a bad thing, when it comes to emotions that drive us to want to hurt ourselves, it's important to try and disengage or choose to avoid those types of media. It's actually better if you try and elicit the "opposite" emotion in yourself.

The easiest one I tend to think of (and go to) is when I am feeling sad to watch or listen to something happy. Usually it's something on YouTube that makes me laugh or that I find cute. Luckily there's plenty of stuff there to choose from! So maybe next time you're trying low, watch a video or two on YouTube, or watch an episode of a familiar TV show you like that is funny. Just something to turn your attention away from dangerous thinking.

[Shauniex]

Originally Posted by Garyl

The thing about emotions is they love to feed on themselves. Whenever we feel an emotion, we are often tempted to lean into it because we want to validate our experience. This can often happen with media of all types- films, TV shows, social media, books, music, etc. While this isn't necessarily always a bad thing, when it comes to emotions that drive us to want to hurt ourselves, it's important to try and disengage or choose to avoid those types of media. It's actually better if you try and elicit the "opposite" emotion in yourself.

The easiest one I tend to think of (and go to) is when I am feeling sad to watch or listen to something happy. Usually it's something on YouTube that makes me laugh or that I find cute. Luckily there's plenty of stuff there to choose from! So maybe next time you're trying low, watch a video or two on YouTube, or watch an episode of a familiar TV show you like that is funny. Just something to turn your attention away from dangerous thinking.

Hiya!

Thank you for the reply again!

[kirilpopinin]

I often go up to the roof of my house and stand on the edge, hoping to accidentally fall.

[Shauniex]

Originally Posted by kirilpopinin

I often go up to the roof of my house and stand on the edge, hoping to accidentally fall.

Are you ok???

[popinin]

Originally Posted by Shauniex

I'm in this depressed state I keep watching suicide videos and it's making me want to leave even more then before. I'm slowly giving up, I haven't felt like this in ages so I don't know what has brought this on, I'm afraid. 😔

So maybe try to become stronger, like discover something new, go to unifighting or learn to express feelings in painting, engage in self-development, it will help. What's more, if you're afraid, it means you're confused, look for alternatives.

[Everglow.]

Hey there,

It definitely sounds like you're struggling right now and I am sorry to hear you're dealing with this. I think when you're not in a good head space it's easy to get fixated or find comfort in things which aren't helpful. Perhaps it's familiar as it resonates with how you feel right now. Obviously watching suicide videos is not a good way to cope with how you feel, especially if it's making the negative feelings you have stronger. It is good that you've realised that it doesn't help though, so you can work on figuring out what distractions you can fall back on instead.

Have a look through the Alternatives section to see if anything there may be of use. I've found this really helpful in the past. I'm the kind of person to be sucked into an anxiety rabbit hole, and sometimes even just reading the list to try and find an alternative is enough to break a harmful cycle. But trying some of these out might help you build up a toolbox of go-to distractions when you're struggling.

Sometimes there isn't really a clear trigger for bad patches, and that can be scary if you can't directly tackle what caused it. But that doesn't mean that what you're dealing with isn't valid and doesn't matter. Do you have anybody you can talk to about this? Perhaps chatting to somebody can help you figure out if there is a root cause, and then you can work on how to avoid triggers like this in the future, or how to overcome them to an extent. If you can't/dont feel you can talk to somebody, then maybe writing or drawing can help instead. This is sometimes a really good way to organise your thoughts and feelings, unload them, and understand them more. You could write a story, a diary, or even a song if you like, or scribble, sketch or doodle. Art is really helpful.

Please know that, as scary as this feels, things can and do get better. I understand that it's hard, but you are strong and have gotten through bad days before. Take everything as it comes and remember to be kind to yourself. Part of self care is knowing that you're not okay and accepting that this is fine. You've got this, and I hope you're staying safe.