I'm really worried I'm going to do something stupid

[Soda_Voxel]

I keep making various plans in my head to do various stupid things, I don't want to go into detail but they'd hurt me one way or another, either physically or mentally. I'm really afraid I'm going to do something stupid, but I don't want to ask for help, because I want to do these things which is the bad part. I'm very scared of how casually I'm thinking of doing these things, as if it isn't bad at all. It almost feels as if I'm split into two people at the moment; half wanting to do dangerous harming things and the other wanting to be happy and safe.

I know I should ask for help. But the horrible part of me doesn't want me to be stopped. I imagine horrible things and even wrote a story of me hurting myself to try and let out my feelings, but it only made the plan more solid as I wrote it down in grave detail.

I'm just worried. I don't know which I'll do or when, but I feel as though I could do something some time and it makes me afraid.

[Everglow.]

Hey Soda,

It sounds like you're going through some really worrying times right now, and I'm really glad you've posted here to reach out. I know you say you almost don't want to ask for help, but by posting here you're making an effort to do that, and that's really wonderful. I think it's really important to remember what only half of you wants to do these things you keep thinking about. The other half of you really wants to go on trying to fight this, and as hard as it is, that half deserves to be listened to. You're a really talented, kind person and you deserve a chance to get past this.

If you're at the stage where you're making plans, I would strongly encourage you to ask for help and listen to the parts of yourself that know it would be a good thing. If you're not ready to talk to someone you know, you could always try phoning a hotline, such as one of the ones here. There is always someone willing to listen, and I hope this can help you a bit.

I would suggest that if writing things in detail causes you to plan more, try turning your attention to things which distract you rather than things which make you pay attention to the dark thoughts you're having. For example, if you are able, try going for a walk in the fresh air to clear your head a bit, or read a book, listen to some music, do some colouring. For me, I find that having a long shower, putting on some good, happy music and singing along to it can help me to feel a bit better when I'm struggling, but you can try out many different distractions to see what works best for you.

I do think reaching out for help would be a good thing though. As much as parts of you don't want to, it's not a bad thing to need some help from time to time. Perhaps you could talk to your doctor and they may be able to help too. Either way, please know you can also message me any time you'd like to talk and I'd be happy to help too.

[Rivière]

I definitely agree with Hollie about speaking to someone about what's going on. However, don't feel ashamed or bad that you feel like you don't want to. Not everybody feels like they want to be helped. Sometimes when we're in a certain place mentally, we just want to be left to get on with our negative feelings because they can be much safer, well-known place for us emotionally. People tend to cling to things that are familiar to them. Sometimes the thought of reaching our and getting help can be exceptionally scary, amongst another things.

Don't forget that you are entitled to a positive mental wellbeing.

For the time being, try not to concern yourself with why you're casually thinking of all these negative thoughts . Try to focus more on the fact of how you can turn those thoughts into positive ones. Think about why you're having these thoughts. Maybe it's due to your environment? Another reason could be due to the person you've mentioned in the past, of whom you love. Emotions can be a difficult thing for people to process. It can be scary to approach new ways of thinking and attempt to break barriers down for self-improvement. Challenge yourself and try something new. See if you can tell one person, whether it be a friend, family member, teacher, or even a mental health professional, about what's going on in your life and how you're feeling. All you need to do is tell just one.

[BackingErlking]

Talking to your real friend will be the biggest solution that I know cuz sometimes you just need someone for you to be raised.