I'm not sure if I have much longer left.

[Soda_Voxel]

Everything is just too much. I have nobody to talk about how I feel with and even when I do, nobody helps. All the things that used to make me happy just make me feel sad or frustrated. Any happiness that I do have never lasts. Waking up in the morning is such a struggle. I don't want to be me anymore, I don't want to live this life I have, so tarnished from all my mistakes and failures.

I feel as though I have nowhere else to turn. I have no healthy coping mechanisms, and even if I do, they never really give me any lasting happiness. I can do something that makes me happy but someway or another it will make me feel bad. I'll get upset from a small mistake in a game, something I didnt understand in a conversation, I'll feel like my interests and things I enjoy aren't as good as what my other friends like (even though having interests isnt a competition), I'll get triggered by something small...everything is just weighing on me and it really hurts. I have to pretend to my mum like I'm just "having a rubbish day" when the desire to hurt myself is physically killing me. I'm so terribly mentally ill.

I'm sorry for ranting. I'm just feeling an awful lot right now and I have this feeling my time is running out. thanks for reading.

[Astro04]

That's not true!
Everyone have to say something everytime you did something. Everyone makes mistakes. You can't make everyone happy at a single time. And is right like this, trust me. Everyone have pro's and cons, you have to find what you can do easier, and you can't know if you don't try a single time.

[Arabesque- golfing girl.]

Hello,

I am so sorry that you are having a hard time with this right now and hope that you will be okay soon. When we are feeling like this it is also a great idea to come on and say what's going on because you are trying to get what you are feeling out of you and hopefully you can start to feel a little bit better. Can you try doing different things to help you out when you are feeling like this, going for a walk around your house or reading a book for a while or if you enjoy drawing or painting or putting on a funny movie or TV show or something else that you enjoy doing and try this for a while. It is okay to try going for a walk and then putting on a funny movie or TV show or something else to help pick you up for a while. Sometimes we have to do a few things to help us to feel a little bit better. Would you be able to try writing a letter to your parents and put in it that you are having a hard time and say what is going on and then put it somewhere that they can find it. I hope that you will be okay soon.

[Palmolive]

Hey there!

I’m so glad you’ve reached out here. I can’t begin to imagine how you must be feeling with all of this going on but know that you never have to be alone in what you go through.

It must be really hard to feel as though you have nobody to talk too and I can only imagine how isolating and lonely that for for you, especially when you feel like you find someone to talk to but it doesn’t help. However, I’m really glad you’ve reached out for that help, despite not feeling it was helpful and I think it’s so important to keep on trying to reach out.

Sadly there is nothing which will give you constant happiness and that’s the same for everyone. I always say nothing lasts for ever and that everything’s passes so bad times will too but unfortunately it also means happiness won’t last forever. That doesn’t mean it’s not worth the fight because you have to hold onto the moments that bring happiness and hope, and allow periods where you may feel simply content. But there will be bad days too, and it’s just about getting through them for now so you can live for the happy days and the moments which make you want to live. Life is full of ups and downs but take advantage of the good moments and learn from the bad ones.

Do you still engage in things which bring you happiness like hobbies? What are some things that you’re into? Even thought sometimes we lose motivation and feel like there’s no point, it’s so important to keep doing things that can bring you even a small amount of joy. And it can also be a very good distraction which at times is a skill that can be hugely beneficial. However it’s important to remember it’s ok to feel sad too. Every emotion has a function and you need to ensure that whilst you don’t want the unpleasant emotions to take over and make you feel very low to a point where you may feel unsafe, it’s also vital to allow yourself to feel the emotions. If we push or block them out too much, it can make us feel like we’re mottling it all up when crying and being in touch with emotions is OK and even crying can be a good release of emotions.

You mentioned that you sometimes feel as though you want to physically hurt yourself. Have you been hurting yourself intentionally? I know those kind of urges can be hard to manage but please know that it doesn’t help anything. Sadly, people self harm thinking it will help, but most of the time those urges continue and the person feels like need to self harm again; but if hurting yourself really helped, people wouldn’t have to keep going back to it. You are worth so, so much more than to hurt yourself and honestly do not deserve to put yourself through anymore pain that what you’re already going through.

I’m not sure who you have already tried talking to but I want to make you aware that there are lots of people you can go to for help and support. This includes us here at Teenhelp, helplines in your country, if you’re at school this can include talking to a teacher or school nurse/counsellor, parents/guardians, friends, your doctor and even calling emergency services if you feel you are at risk of harm to yourself. All these people will want to help you and it’s okay to reach out to them for help. You do not have to be alone.

Please remember you are never alone. Teenhelp is always a safe place for you to come too and we will never judge you here for anything you say. There are many different ways in the site of seeking support so please feel free to access them as you need them and take full advantage of them; they are there to help people like yourself who are struggling. I know right now it feels dark and hopeless but I promise it will not feel like this forever and you will have moments which will make you want to be alive. Do nice things for yourself which you enjoy and be kind to your mind and your body. You deserve to love yourself for who you are. Nothing is impossible and you can and will get through this too. You just have to keep going and have faith in yourself.

Remember we’re always here, you’re not alone.
Take good care of yourself,
Jessie

[Everglow.]

Hey,

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way, but it's so great that you've reached out for help because fighting this alone is never a nice feeling to have.

A lot of what you're saying makes a lot of sense to me, especially when you say you feel like nothing gives you lasting happiness. I think Jessie put it really well, in that nothing lasts forever and everything eventually passes. I think sometimes, when we're in a bad place there's a tendency to really feel the bad things a lot more strongly than we would if we were in a better place. I know that I often feel this way too. For me, it was helpful to have somewhere I could turn to when I forgot that good things existed too. Could you perhaps prepare yourself a bag or box of feel good items or activities which you can turn to when things are too much? This could include your favourite book, a colouring book, a pretty note pad and your favourite pen, and even some nice memories such as photographs, memorabilia of happy times etc. That way, you have a dedicated space where only good things are, and when you're really struggling to find light at the end of the tunnel, you can turn to that.

I know these good feelings won't last forever. Maybe, though, you'll get a couple of minutes of happiness thinking back on a memory you shared with family, and it'll be enough to remind you that good things have happened and do happen, and that they'll happen again. It might also help you remember that bad things will happen, but they will also pass, and even if you're not happy 100% of the time - and who is? - you're also not going to be sad forever either. And that's worth being alive for.

I also completely understand what you're saying in that sometimes, small mistakes add up and become catastrophes. I'm very self critical, so this is something I identify with a lot. I have been trying really hard to have a conversation with myself in my head when this happens. For example, when I make a silly mistake at work and I catch myself thinking 'I hate myself' or 'I'm so stupid', I'll argue back and say 'no, but mistakes happen, and that's okay'. That's not to say I always believe myself, but I do find that it helps me to be more rational, and sometimes it helps me to calm down a bit and cut myself some slack. Perhaps this is something you can try too.

Your time is absolutely not running out. I heard something really interesting the other day. Somebody said "I don't want to die, I just want things to stop". Could this possibly be how you feel too? If so, I would definitely recommend reaching out for some support, because while you can't stop everything bad in its tracks, you can definitely share the burden with other people. Is there a reason why you have to pretend to your mum? Perhaps you could reach out to her and explain that the rubbish day you're having just doesn't seem to stop happening right now, and that you need support with this. Equally, you might end up being able to access additional support, such as from school counsellors, therapists etc. None of these are a bad thing, and support in going through a bad time is a really good way to deal with things in a healthy way, especially if you feel like you might be at risk of hurting yourself.

Please don't ever apologise for ranting. We're here to listen, and you can come back and talk about anything you like whenever you need to. My inbox is always open if you want to talk as well.

[startangle]

I'm so sorry for hearing about your problems. Please be strong and may God Bless you and your soul.

[BackingErlking]

You do have! Please keep living.