Why do I have to live just because others want me to?

[Soda_Voxel]

It's not fair. Being alive is such a struggle. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I'm tired of waking up in the morning. I ruined my chance at a good life and I simply don't have the energy or motivation to try and get better. I really don't want to live anymore. But I'm forced to because people want me to be. I just wanna leave.

[.Brittany.]

Hi Soda,

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way, it can be exhausting constantly feeling this way. I'm wondering if you have ever spoken to anyone about how you're feeling whether its a trusted adult or a professional. Right now it's extremely difficult with covid happening and most things are virtual (well in Canada they are).

Is there anything in particular that interests you? I'm wondering if there's something that you can do to help distract your mind when life's overwhelming.

[Everglow.]

Hey

I'm really sorry you're feeling this way. Like Brittany has said, dealing with all of this for so long is always going to be exhausting and I can understand why it feels like such a struggle. I'm glad you've reached out here for some support though. It's always a good idea to reach out if you're not doing so well, because that way you're not dealing with so much all on your own.

You're right in that people do want you to be alive. You're an important and loved person. But I also know that sometimes it's not enough to just do what other people want you to, and when you're struggling it's even harder. Are there things you do which bring you joy? For example, I know that you're an absolutely incredible poet. Does writing bring you some sort of peace or comfort? Even things which bring you small moments of joy are worthwhile, and if this helps then I recommend using writing as a way to express yourself as much as possible. Maybe you could try writing other things too, such as stories or diary entries. This way, you can use the amazing talent you have in a way which will help your mind feel a sense of peace when it's needed.

You definitely haven't ruined your chance of a good and happy life though. I think many people have felt how you feel. You get trapped in dark places sometimes and it's so much effort to get back out of them that sometimes it doesn't seem worth it, but it is. You have a way forward and you deserve a chance to feel happier in life. I definitely agree with Brittany in that reaching out to talk to somebody you trust or a professional may help. It's important to know that you're not alone, and that there are people who can help you find a way through this.

I hope you're doing okay.

[Rivière]

I feel that people want you to be alive because you're the sort of person they enjoy spending time with, and talking to. They enjoy your company and they wouldn't want you to go away. They wouldn't want to have to give that up.

You said that you feel forced to be alive because others want you to be, but think of the deeper feelings and emotions here. Why do you feel like you have to be? Is it because if you were to attempt/succeed at suicide, you couldn't go through with it knowing you're affecting how they feel? Is it because you feel that perhaps deep down, they're what helps to keep you tied to the world and although you're unhappy in it, they're what keep you going and you want to make them happy? Does making them happy make you happy, and therefore you don't try to harm yourself because it's the only joy you receive? Or perhaps it's something else?

You said that you ruined your chance at a good life. There are chances, and there are opportunities. Whatever it is that you've 'ruined' may likely be a missed opportunity. However, there are always more opportunities. You're only young. You'll be surprised how many opportunities you'll get to have to chance at a good life.

I imagine you'll have seen it before, but never forget that in the event you feel extremely low or feel like you may harm yourself, the list of hotlines are available to you.