How to support friend?

[TH Anonymous]

[SIZE="a"]One of my closest friends is struggling with suicidal thoughts at the moment. They've previously struggled with those thoughts before and in the past did try to take their life. They were doing better for a while but a lot has been changing for them recently in a short space of time and I think they've found it overwhelming.

I'm not very good when it comes to supporting people who are having suicidal thoughts. I never really know what to say and I often worry about saying the wrong thing or I say something thinking it sounds okay, only for them to say that it sounded insensitive. I've never been suicidal (not really, I've only wished I could be resting and recuperating but not dead) so I don't know the frame of mind. I do know that it often feels hopeless but I also know that feelings of hopelessness may not be the reality.

This sounds selfish of me, and I admit, it is, but I am definitely the type of person who would be ruminating on all the things I could've and should've said or done, if anything were to happen to my friend.

How do you help/support a friend who is having suicidal thoughts?[/size]

Hey there. Thanks for posting. I hope I can be of some help.

It's quite difficult to explain depression and suicidal ideation to someone who has never really experienced those things. I find, many times, people try to combat depression with positivity and hope-centric approaches. Sadly, this often does not work, and in fact can make the depressed person feel even worse because happiness is something they can't achieve. There's a chemical reason why they can't, but they feel like it's a moral failing, and it only serves as ammunition to hate themselves further.

I'm in a good place now, but I have dealt with more than my fair share of depression, and several suicide attempts. Depression in its very essence is separation and isolation. It prevents you from connecting. At least that is how it was for me. The thing that helped most from loved ones was when they came down to my level and sat with me in the darkness. That doesn't mean they let me get wrapped up in the story of why I was feeling the way I was feeling, and they didn't give permission for self-harm or suicidal behaviors, but they were just there, sitting in the dark. And that brought a little light, because someone got it. They weren't trying to drag me up; they were letting me know I was okay as I was. And that really helped.

You can also always ask your friend if they need support, or advice, or anything else. Be prepared they'll probably say they don't know what they want or need, so again, just be in their corner supporting them quietly and let them know you're there for them.

Hope this helps. PM me if you need anything.

[Rivière]

I think it's great that you want to help support your friend in what definitely seems to be a critical time for them. Even if you're not someone who has ever experienced the same feelings as your friend, the fact that you want to try and understand, and help make them feel better is a great start.

Following on from what Eli has written on depression, it can be quite a crippling experience. There are a number of different causes that trigger a downward spiral into depression. Chemically, as Eli mentioned, as well as a person's current environment, whether it be home, school, or whatever else. Finding out why your friend feels the way they are is a good start in seeing how you can best help them.

If you can, try asking them about the cause of their depression. Not everyone is going to be able to give you an answer, so be prepared for them to say, 'I don't know'. They may genuinely not know or have given much thought to how they feel as they may have simply accepted their current state of mind and that's it.

Do you know if they have a good home environment? Are they ok with their family? Are they eating ok? How is their school life? Do they get on well with others? When you ask these kinds of questions, try and be a little sensitive to the fact they may not be used to them. They can come across as a sort of 'interrogation' even if it's not intended to be. Help them understand that the reason why you're asking these sorts of questions isn't to pry, but so you can understand what they're going through a little better.

I'm unsure which country you're from, but we do have a list of hotlines available here: http://www.teenhelp.org/hotlines/#de...on_and_suicide see if you can pass them on to your friend. Though they may not be willing to use them, the fact they are there may help give them that extra layer of comfort. With that said, don't be afraid to use them yourself on behalf of your friend to get some additional advice and support if you need.

[HowrdJns89]

my friend and I went to the doctor together, so I bought him different medications to make it easier for him and in general I was just next to him

[Dawn.]

Hi there,

You don't sound selfish at all. It can be difficult to hear a friend who is having suicidal thoughts and it is hard to know what the right thing to say is. My only advice is to listen to what they say as sometimes it can be what someone wants. Just someone to listen to them. If you need anyone to talk to, I'd be happy to listen.

Hey there, I know you posted this a while ago but I just wanted to say you're not being selfish.

Wishing you best of luck and hope all goes well with your friend. Feel free to reach out again.