Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Suicidal for the future

[Serrate]

Be warned, suicidal and potentially triggering;
I am already easily broke down, whether it be school, mild obligations, etc. How am I supposed to survive 6 years of college after highschool? Or, decades of a career, assignments, and so forth. If I can't bare through with the most mild sh*t, why and how am I supposed to progress in life? If I can't foresee being able to cope, may I end it early to the relief of my own mental well-being? I should probably just fu**ing deal with it and stop whining, but I can't seem to stop reveling in the future, as a disappointment, as a nervous wreck, as the worst there can be.

[Everglow.]

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear that you're having a hard time at the moment, it sounds like a difficult situation to be in and I completely understand what you're saying. When things are bad, it makes the future look like it could be even worse. There's a lot of unknown associated with the future and I think that's a big source of anxiety for a lot of people, so you're definitely not alone in being unsure of how you might cope with all of the pressures it might bring with it. I want you to know that the things you're worried about and struggling with now aren't mild. They're real problems that are affecting you, which makes them legitimate and okay. No problem, no matter how small you might think it is, should be shrugged off as mild if the impact it has on you is real. At the same time, though, try to remind yourself that they will pass. One day, you'll have finished school. You might look back and be glad of it, or proud that you got to the other side. Or you might just be grateful you don't have to struggle with that particular problem anymore. The obligations you have will pass too. I'm not saying to just get past them because that's not realistic, but try to take each problem one at a time. Take the day an hour at a time, or a minute at a time if that's what you need. Worrying about the future doesn't change what may or may not happen, but if you break down what you have available to you right now, that might do something good.

Also, ending it early on a what if should never and is never the answer. Sure, the future is going to be hard - honestly, university and work are difficult things, but they are for everyone. But they can also be really amazing - and there's no pressure for it to be amazing right from the off. It all takes work and time to get things right but that's all a part of being human. Some people, for whatever reason, get dealt a worse hand than others, but it's not a reason to give up. The more time we spend worrying about the future, the less time we have to live right now.

Some of the things that have helped me are to focus on breathing. I've been trying to do this a lot more lately and it does make a difference. Put some relaxing music on, put your earphones in, block out the world for 5 minutes and just focus on your breathing. If this is difficult to do, you can also try focusing on your senses. Think of things you can see, touch, hear, smell or taste. This way you can bring your attention back to the simple, solid things that exist right now, rather than the things that don't yet exist in the future. You can also try journaling as this does a similar thing, but you can also write the things that are upsetting you down so that you don't need to carry them with you all of the time.

Finally, I just want to say that you shouldn't just deal with it, or stop whining. Talking about it is how you get support and support is the best thing for anyone who's struggling to get through things. If you have anyone in real life you can talk to as well, it might be a good idea to reach out. That way you'll never have to face any of this alone.

Look after yourself.

[Serrate]

Originally Posted by Everglow.

The more time we spend worrying about the future, the less time we have to live right now.

That is something that's worth thinking about. Have a therapy visit tomorrow, so hopefully that will bring some thoughts to rest. I've always had a bad time with structured routines, or obligations. Everytime I have one, it worsens everything. I think about; I should stay home, I should just ignore, or something of that variety. I fear structure it seems, or any obligation, which is not a good principle nor good mentally.

I base the future doubt upon past experiences; School = breakdown that resulted in numerous fake sick days and a mental breakdown, or any event that I have scheduled and it closes by; my psyche goes insane and flares suicidal thoughts 100x, which includes self-doubt of "why can't you just do something without f***ing breaking down, and losing all rationality", or "if I can't do this, then why am I still alive" etc. It's something that has to be broken.

[Allyson Wood]

There is more to life than committing Suicide. Enjoy life!