My depression isn't just affecting my life

[AmyRose]

I am a stay at home Mom to a 3 almost 4 year old who starts Junior Kindergarten this September. I am still together with his Dad who works full time, 10 hour shifts. A year ago we moved to a new city for my fiance's job and everyone that we know lives at least an hour away. I don't drive and my son hasn't been in school yet we are completely alone here, I feel so stranded and lonely and depressed. When my son was born I dropped out of high school and I don't have any friends left and my fiance doesn't have any close friends. My family all lives too far away to visit during the week and my son hardly ever gets to socialize with other kids. I have been feeling so depressed I find it hard to get motivated to play with my son or take him to the park or clean and my fiance gets annoyed that the apartment is a mess a lot of the time. My son complains that he is bored and Lonely and acts out I think Because of it. He starts school in September and he's not fully potty trained and has little experience socializing with other kids I'm worried how he will do in school. I get more depressed everytime I think about how badly I'm letting him down and I don't do enough for him. I get really bad anxiety when I think about sending him to school because I don't know how well he will do and I think we will both get separation anxiety and I'm even anxious about having to meet and talk to his teacher and meet other parents I don't really feel comfortable socializing. My fiance always thinks I am being dramatic and over thinking things and telling me that I just need to calm down or get a grip which is not helpful. I don't act depressed when I am around my fiance and family so I am sure no one even realizes and I don't want them to because I don't want them to tell me that I'm just being lazy or attention seeking, I don't want to feel judged. I don't want to go to the family doctor or a therapist about it either because I get extreme anxiety thinking about talking to anyone at all about it and it took me a while to decide to ask for advice about it anonymously online. I don't know if my problem is more anxiety or depression or maybe it is both equally but it isn't just affecting my life it is affecting my son and I don't want to influence him to end up like me but I feel so trapped and don't know what to do. I can't stand the thought of anyone knowing about my own personal issues. Does anyone here have any self help advice on how to improve myself? Online searches Haven't helped me much.

[FMcGill]

Hi Amy!
It definitely sounds like you are in a tough spot, with moving to a new place and having a young son to raise. Being young, I am sure it's even more challenging. But, I want to say that I think you're really admirable. It's no easy job being a mom in itself, and how much you care about your son's well-being is inspiring. I don't think you're letting your son down at all, and in honesty, he and your fiancé are fortunate to have a mom/future wife as caring as you.

I personally don't have any experience with your situation but my grandmother was in the exact same spot when she was 18. She told me how all the feelings you have right now, anxiety & depression, were things she struggled with and still does today. But, she also taught me what to do, so I wouldn't have the same experiences she did. So, I hope they can help you.

For your sake, I think you and your fiancé should definitely try to make friends with other people in your area. it's incredibly hard being alone not knowing anyone, and I think it's really important you have people you can feel like you can count on. Specifically, I think if you found people with children around your son's age, you would be able to find friends for him as well! Of course, I understand being a private person and not wanting to put yourself out there, but everyone in the world needs some sort of social companionship.

As for your son going into school, I think you're being too hard on yourself! As long as you support your son and motivate him the best way you can, he will do just fine in school. My mother was a single parent who was always busy working and worried about me going into school without knowing anyone. What helped me though was how much she supported and love me. Even if you don't feel like you can be a testimony to your child because you dropped out that in no way means you can't support him to be successful in school. Sometimes, a strong & hard-working mother inspires kids just as much, if not more than one who went to college.

I am sure there are still a lot of the different things in your life that seem difficult to tackle, but I hope some of this helps. But in honesty, I think the most important thing you can do is to find things which make you and your family happy, and be there for your child. Even though you're a mom, you deserve to treat yourself and enjoy life too. If you make an effort each day to focus on the positive and surround yourself with encouragement, I know the depression and anxiety will be a lot easier to tame. It's definitely hard at first, but I believe you can do it! Best of luck to you!!

[AmyRose]

Thank you for your reply! I really needed to hear some of this. I am not sure how we would go about meeting People as I am extremely shy but I think your right and we need to try to meet people because I've been feeling isolated for way too long. I did some online research and found there is a place in walking distance to where I live that is a meeting spot for parents with young kids where they have toys, games, crafts, activities, story times, movies and snacks, it's all free and open 8 hours a day Monday to Friday, so I am going to try to take him there once or twice a week and hopefully we can meet some people and it might help prepare him for school. I also plan to start taking to the library sometimes they have a really cool kids section at the library. I find it hard to motivate myself to get out but I am going to try my best to do it anyways even when I don't feel like it and maybe after I get used to it I will start to enjoy it again. I still have so many things I am stressed and anxious about all of the time but I will just have to work on one thing at a time.