We both have depression.

[jamie16]

Is it possible that being in a relationship with someone who like me self harms and has anxiety and depression might cause me to be more okay with me cutting myself. idk I am just being stupid.

[Calaer]

Hey there. You aren't stupid for having these concerns. Why don't you guys talk about it before you commit to a relationship that may be hard to handle. You could also set boundaries to not talk about triggering topics, and try and help each other be more positive. You can always encourage each other to not self harm.

Hope all is well, best wishes.

[Chai.]

Hey Jamie,

You are not stupid. It is absolutely alright to have these concerns. To be honest, I used to be scared of even being friends with someone who has depression because I didn't want to trigger them. But honestly, if you go about it the right way, it can prove to be beneficial for both of you.

Being in a relationship means having someone you can turn to for support and even though we refuse to accept it, we all require support when we are depressed. I agree with what's been said above. Before you commit to a relationship, talk to each other and set up boundaries. With time you will learn to trust each other and you can become each other's support systems.

But, I also want to tell you this won't be easy. There might be days when you will both hit your lowest but will have to stay strong for each other. I am sure you will pull through but I just want to put it across so you will be prepared.

I understand your fear about cutting but to be honest, it can work the other way too. In case one of you is triggered and on the verge of harming, calling the other and talking to them can be a helpful source of distraction. You could also set SH free goals together. I know of a couple that did that. They started off being deciding on a day, then two and slowly pulled it through the week.

Recovery from depression and self-harm is a long road but with the right support, it is possible. I am sorry I strayed off topic here but I just wanted to tell you that you can be in a relationship with someone who is depressed. If you care for each other, there is nothing wrong in being in a relationship.

I hope this helped. Good luck.
Kav.

Hey there, Jamie!

You aren't being stupid at all as this is a valid concern. Being in a relationship with someone who deals with the same issues you do can actually be good for both of you assuming it is a healthy relationship. It is good you are giving this relationship thought to ensure it's the right choice for both of you.

Most people dealing with depression find it difficult to accept support/help, and it may be helpful for both of you to have support and care from one another. An important part of an relationship is being able to depend on each other but it is a good idea to recognize what is an unhealthy point for one or both of you, and establishing a healthy balance to ensure you aren't depending on each other 100% in every aspect. It is nice to know that you always have support from someone who loves you, and to support them and love them through what they're going through too. It could be good for both of you to be in a relationship with each other with support and genuine care for one another.

I encourage both of you to seek support in other areas in your lives if possible, such as therapy, support groups etc. This way you can be supportive of each other, while maintaining an additional source of support outside the relationship to ensure neither of you end up being each other's long-term only source of support. Plus, another benefit of both of you having other healthy sources of support, is that you'll both be more likely be aware if your relationship is going into a direction that is causing you to fall into an unhealthy mindset (example: becoming desensitized/unaware of the adverse effect self-harm can have on you.)

Have you spoken to your boyfriend about your concerns? Talking about concerns, even if they seem silly to you, is important and should be taken seriously. Properly communicating on both ends is important to make any relationship work. From here on, you could express your concerns and set boundaries. And you can ask him if he has any concerns. When you two are having trouble talking about your feelings, you could each get a piece of paper and write what you're feeling and exchange notes, then write positive affirmations to each other in return. Another great idea that Kav mentioned is setting self-harm free goals together. It is important to not make promises to each other, but rather support each other even more so if a relapse occurs and cheer each other on through each day self-harm free.

As Kav said, there will be bad days. In my view, difficult patches can either break a relationship or make it stronger. The more you go through together, if you communicate properly and resolve the issue in a healthy way, it can strengthen the relationship greatly sticking by each other's side. Then you both become confident you'll have each other, even if everything else seems to be going wrong. It creates a strong foundation and strong trust in each other which is important, special, and worth working towards.

I hope things work out for the two of you. Take care of yourself, Jamie!