Postpartum depression possibility

[Mrs.Butterfly]

First off, I want to let you all know that I would never ever harm my child; so please don't even begin to think that I would harm my son.

I had a wonderful birth, and no complications or anything like that. But this recovery has been a rough spell. Sure, I've had difficult time recovering physically, but I've also been having a really hard time mentally and emotionally.

I've been having mood swings, that just change out of the nowhere. Sometimes change throughout a single day. I've thought about harming myself, and I haven't had those thoughts in a really, really long time. I doubt I could go through with that. I've had thoughts where I feel like my son could do without me, would be better without me. I am not a good mother. I feel like a crappy mother, to put it nicely. just feel like crying at times, sometimes I have to head into another room and just cry. I've thought of hurting myself again. Thought that I'd loose it when he screams his head off. And sometimes I just want to say shut up, even though I know he can't help it. Especially in the morning when I think if the neighbors hear it that they'll call someone and that he will be taken away. I feel exhausted and overwhelmed. Just a jumbled mess.

I feel like a freak.

I am scared to tell my OB doctor about how I feel. What if they try to take my son away? What if they see that I'm an unfit mother?

love my son to pieces, and would do anything for him. Yet, I'm still struggling. I am fighting feelings of harming myself, yet I wouldn't do it. Not with having a child with me. I struggle with feelings of depression, enough that I have to go into another room and just sob. I am happy in general, but when he cries and screams and doesn't calm down for a bit...that's when it really hits me. Like, I am not a good enough mother. That someone is going to take my child away and put me away in the psych ward.

I shouldn't be this way. I shouldn't feel this way. God gave me this child and I should not be struggling with this, like I am. I love my husband and I need to be strong for the three of us. But, this is a real struggle for me.

[Calaer]

Sarah love, these feelings don't make you an unfit mother, nor do they make you a freak. Anyone can experience Postpartum depression. I did when I had Ava. I struggled so much, and cried most days. There were days where I would have to put Ava in her crib and walk about while she was crying so I could catch my breath and try again. Parenting isn't easy. Having a child isn't easy. It's hard work, but I know you can get through this.

I would recommend talking to your OB about this asap! There is nothing wrong with you, but talking about these things and getting help isn't going to make you an unfit mother. I promise that your OB isn't going to take your son away, nor is your OB going to judge you! I know that you love your son, there is no doubt in my mind that you wouldn't lay down your own life for him. Just know that you aren't alone. Others have been through this, I have, and I can promise you that seeking help is best.

I love you, and I'm always here for you if you need to chat. Jordan and I will be praying extra hard for you, love. Best wishes and much love~

[Celyn]

I would never even think that you would harm your son. I don't know an awful lot about postpartum depression, but I do know that new mothers may go through feelings of not being good enough etc. That said, since you have had thoughts of harming yourself, even if you wouldn't act on those thoughts, it may be postpartum depression, particularly if you have had depression before.

Being a new mother is challenging enough, and I'm sure there are many other parents out there who have got annoyed at their child crying and have wanted to shout at them. That doesn't make you a bad mother; only human. But postpartum depression will make you feel worse, though you are not a freak. Mental health issues can affect anyone at anytime.

I understand that you would feel scared and concerned about telling your OB doctor, but I think it's better to do this and be on the safe side, as not telling anyone may mean that the depression continues or gets worse. You don't have to go through this alone, and you deserve to get help. I'm not entirely sure what happens when you tell your doctor that you suspect you may have postpartum depression, but I doubt they would take your son away from you, unless they seriously thought you were at risk of harming him (which, judging by what you have written, is extremely unlikely anyway). They wont see you as an unfit mother, since postpartum depression is actually more common than we tend to think. They will just see you as a mother who is struggling at the moment, but who took the brave step in acknowledging something wasn't right, and reaching out for support. There's absolutely no shame in that. Your doctor may suggest medication or counselling, but if the issue affects you the most when your son is crying, they may suggest parenting classes (or if you wanted, you could have a look in your area to see if there are any that you could sign up to). It doesn't mean you are a bad parent, but you may benefit from learning about how to deal with certain situations, particularly if your son is difficult to settle.

Make sure you are looking after yourself too. Try to get plenty of rest and make some time to do things that you want to do.

Hang in there Sarah, we're all on your side!

[Mrs.Butterfly]

Thank you, honey. I really appreciate everything you have done for me. It is hard work, and maybe if I tell my doctor about my feelings that it will help the process of learning to be with my son. To make things easier on me. On both of us.

Thank you for those words and for always being there for me to cheer me on. You are a wonderful woman, and I'm lucky to have you as a friend. I love you too, very much so.


Thank you, Holly!
You are a wonderful person. I have struggled with depression before, so maybe that's why I'm so scared about stuff like this. Guess, it's just hard for me to shake those feelings off.



Thank you for understanding how I'm feeling right now. It's just an uphill battle that I need to conquer. Yeah, I could never harm my son, that's for sure. I'm not like that. Thank you for making it seem like a brave step, that means a lot to me. I wouldn't do parenting classes since I've already done those. But I am hoping that she suggests counseling, so maybe I can get counseling for other things as well.

I am working on trying to take care of myself first, but it's not always easy. But I am doing this, one moment at a time.

Thank you both for being with me through this. <3

This next Thursday, I'll be going to my OB. And I'll be talking with her about this. I know I'll be nervous, but I'm going to talk to her about how I'm feeling.

Thank you guys.


This thread can be closed now.

[Celyn]

It's great that next Thursday you'll be talking to your OB about how you are feeling. It's natural to be nervous, but you are doing really well, and we're all behind you!

I'll go ahead and close the thread now, but feel free to PM me if you want to re-open it.