Confidence, LDR, Depression, help?

[mysticdancer]

Hey everyone
Im not really sure of where to start off since most of these topics im going to discuss I haven't talked with anyone else yet.
Also I apologize in advance if this is in the wrong category for there are a few topics I will discuss that fit into different categories.
I also apologize in advance if this is too long!!! I will try to make it as short as possible, thanks!

To start I think the root of problem number one would be that I think I have BDD for I am really unconfident about myself. I hate taking photos of myself, looking at myself and sometimes even going into public or being around people. Ive asked for advice about this before and ive gotten "if you dont like something about yourself, change it!" but its really hard considering i dont know what I dont like about myself? I would try changing my hairstyle, something simple, or changing my wardrobe stuff like that but I simply do not have the money for it. And its hard getting a job in a small town with few opportunities while still in highschool with no car.

The first problem kind of leads to problem number 2. I was in a long distance relationship with this guy i met when I was 16. It was kind of on and off as there were many difficulties. One difficulty was my confidence. I am so unconfident that I did not even want to skype with him let alone voice chat. And I know it wasn't fair and I always felt bad when I refused to. We eventually broke up in May 2015 but its still really hard for me to get over him. I also think our relationship was pretty abusive with my bad mood swings and he was using substance abuse at the time(i wasnt aware) so we were always fighting and him calling me names which made me feel bad about myself even more. In Nov 2015 he contacted me, I havent had contact with him since we had broken up, and he tells me everything about how he was using drugs and that he was in rehab and just wanted me to know the truth ect. I guess I thought that meant he wanted to get back together and I got my hopes up too quickly and he let me know that he wasn't really interested in me anymore.


And now my third problem is the result of the last two problems. I am seriously so depressed. He was pretty much my best friend and the only one I talked to since im doing an alternative program for school wheres theres only about 15 of us and its not really fun. I know education is not supposed to be fun but its so unmotivating. I sit at a desk staring at the computer screen for the 6 hours of school, and most of the time I can never get assistance with my schoolwork because theres only 1 math teacher and everyone else needs the assistance. I feel like I could just rather do this at home, also I get very depressed when im in school anyway. I get anxiety about taking the school bus in the morning which makes my mom drive me to school everyday and some days I just not go because oversleeping makes me wake up later no matter how many times I set my alarm.

In the end I feel like if I am not enjoying life then why live? I'm considered taking my life, actually I consider it daily and at this point I want to get help, I've thought about hospitalizing my self to get better but idk.
Everything is just so overwhelming.
Also it is somewhat embarrassing to be admitting this all although I know there is nothing to be embarrassed about.
Thank you for your time for reading this!
Any advice is appreciated! Thank you!

[Green Yoshi]

Hello Ray! There's nothing to be ashamed about... In fact its good to rant out your problems here and let us help you.. it's courageous of you and you deserve a pat on the back!

I think that when it comes down to it, BDD is something that is in the mind, and they way to overcome it is to remember that you're better looking than you think you are, and that anyone who says otherwise is merely trying to hurt you or make themselves feel better. I get the feeling that you're a perfectly beautiful young woman, and there's nothing to feel jealous, angry or sad about when it comes to your appearance. You're awesome, sweet and pretty enough as it is and nothing can change that fact. I think that what matters most is not trying to be like others, but learning to appreciate how you are, your every strength, your very self and your confidence. Once you learn to do that, things will get better as you'll have no reason to doubt yourself any more, since you'll be happy with who you are.

I think you shouldn't blame yourself in regards to your LDR. If he feels this way, then the problem is probably with him. He's just using drugs, being emotional and not being understanding. If he's nicer, he would understand what you're going through and he'll help you out through it all. There's no reason to blame yourself because plenty of relationships can end like this. It might be that he's just playing games with you.. (He might be one of those stereotypical, playboy bad boy types ) and none of this is your fault . It's probably his loss because he doesn't get to be with you, and you seem to be someone who's appreciative and nice.. despite all you're going through .. you still make the effort to thank people for their help and you're probably someone who'll offer to help others in return.

I'm thinking that you could get to know some of those 14 other students and some of them might turn out to be really good friends . Some of them may be the feeling the same way you are, which is " I wish that this class was more fun " which will allow you to socialize and have some fun. Most of all, school is what you make of it.. if you learn to enjoy yourself and make things work, then you'll be able to make your weekdays a blast. There's no reason to not have fun during weekdays , because you'll be motivated.. and be looking forward to every hour of the day.

There's so many reasons to live, and you're just about to truly start enjoying what the world has to offer. I want you to stay safe, because you deserve so much more than to feel like this, than to feel like you've nothing going for you. But there's so many positive changes you can make for yourself. If you start believing... and remember that there's better things to do than thinking negatively, you'll be able to beat this situation.

Feel free to rant out your feelings to us and me. I'll always be around if you need a friend or just someone to rant to!