Depression is starting to squash me

[Always *]

Depression isn't my "real" problem; by "real" I mean the diagnosable one. I do have generalized anxiety, but lately I have been getting really depressed. I have been trying for months to find a job (everyone is rejecting me and I honest to god have no idea what I am doing wrong or if it is just bad luck). I hate having to tell people I am still unemployed; it's humiliating and I feel like a failure. I hate sitting around at home all day alone. It's getting hard to even do something simple like go out for a movie with a friend, go to the gym or anything like that even though I know those things are good for me. In all honesty, I know I am in a better position than most, but I am also combatting trying not to fall back into disordered behaviours around food and my weight and my normal anxiety etc.

I know that I should go to see a counsellor but I've had really bad experiences with them. I have tried to see 4 different counsellors and end up feeling like nothing is getting done and I don't have the money to spend on not seeing results, so consequently I feel very anti-counselling on a personal level - I know it's a good thing and would tell others to go, but I really don't want to go because I don't have that sort of money to spend. I also have no idea what I should expect to get out of it. All of the "problems" in my life that make my anxiety or depression worse are things that just need solving (such as being unemployed) and a counsellor cannot fix that for me. I have also been depressed/anxious for years so I have pretty good coping mechanisms. The only thing I don't have a handle on is my ever changing self esteem and my tendency to doubt myself and lack confidence but I don't even know how to explain that or how a counsellor can help me fix it. Any ways, mostly just needed to vent but if anyone has advice that would be fabulous.

[Green Yoshi]

Hello!

I do think that you can do stuff like write things in a diary that will help you rant out your feelings. And for now, i think it's also good if you try by ranting your problems out to your friends or anyone you know won't tell your secrets. The first step is always the hardest, but you've already made it You've ranted out your feelings on this thread, and that is a good beginning. This means that you're opening up, and this will surely help you in the future. The main thing to remember is that everyone has tough times.. so don't blame yourself regarding your situation You have the capability to find a job, and you're more than dedicated enough and hardworking enough for it. Your mind has to encourage your body, and that's where the magic happens.

The best thing to remember about you is that no matter what you think , or what other people say.. you've talent. You've potential and you're special. Nothing can take that away from you. It might not feel that way, but that's the truth. Believe in yourself, make every step with determination and courage and never hesitate in believing Also, stay safe and remember that happiness comes to those who move forward and take their chances . Slowly but surely is the keyword here. Every day, do something meaningful and positive like some charity work, or making someone smile. The little things add up, and these are great for your confidence

You can beat this, and we're here to help you. All the way! Stay strong and remember that you can Pm me anytime!

[bringmethehorizon♥]

I understand it's hard for you but not all counsellors are the same perhaps if you went and saw another it would be a much better experience. I know I have had to swap counsellors twice until I found the right one but it was worth it in the end. Do you have some form of coping method to relax you or take your mind off it? I would highly suggest speaking to a loved one or your local GP about your depression they are all there to help you because you're amazing.
Have you tried speaking to a careers advisor or going to your local job centre or applying for jobs on a job search website? Jobs can be hard to find perhaps you could offer to help cut the lawn or something for people in your spare time to make money and get you out the house. Why not join a club or social group the possibility's are endless.

[JazzyJazz]

I know the feeling of failure that comes with not having a job. I've gone through periods of sitting around doing nothing and it doesn't exactly boost your self esteem.

It's a good point - that there are things which are causing you to feel the way you're feeling. I've noticed a tendency for people to blame their diagnoses for everything, when actually there are everyday reasons which can potentially be removed.

I think it's fantastic that you have not given up on anything.

Counselling is not for everyone. I think it benefits most the people who are in some way confused about what is happening in their head, whereas you seem pretty clear about it all. Having to pay is another reason why it can be difficult, particularly if you don't currently have an income. You never know, you might feel differently when you've got a job. But then you might not.

Feel free to PM me if you want to chat.