Is this depression?

[elvishqueen]

Recently I have been continually feeling awful, and I don't know if this is depression or...I don't know....hormones?
I am constantly angry with my family members, and then, in turn, angry with myself. Some days I hate myself so much, I feel liked I want to die, but then scare myself with imagining the pain.
It frightens me a lot, the way I am, and I feel that I am not myself anymore. I rarely smile, I always hate what I see in the mirror, and I feel unlovable.
I don't Self Harm, or cut, or anything like that, but I have all this pent up rage inside me that I can't express. I love to write, but it never seems good enough, and now I feel like I can't even express myself.
I feel...I don't know....trapped. I can't understand the feeling, it's like I'm suffocating all the time, or about to throw up.
Today, when I was travelling back from the cinema, all I could feel was this inexplicable, overwhelming sadness: and I'd just seen a great movie. It's everywhere, this anger, this hate, this loneliness. I don't understand what to do with my life, and I feel like I'm drowning on air.
I know you can't just diagnose me simply by reading this, but I could appreciate some input in if you think this sounds like a real problem, or just strong mood swings. Or maybe I'm just miserable.
Please help, I don't know what to do. I can't help myself anymore, and this feeling is the worst thing I've ever experienced. It's like I'm rotting away.
Thanks

[TheGuyinCanada]

When growing up many hormones in your body help develop you mixed emotions. It can cause your to feel a variety of ways. It is a natural thing to experience. However, constantly getting angry and yelling is a sign of depression. Most teens fall into depression in their teen years. I myself also have many emotions. I constantly feel anger, however I have ways of controlling it. I can constantly get upset, due to the many of mixed emotions as a teenager. I would suggest you talk to your doctor about it, and try to see a specialist to see if you have depression. If something is on your mind, I would also suggest and try to talk to your parents, or someone that cares. Sometimes people can feel sad and angry about something on their mind, they just need to let it out and tell someone else about it, so they can feel better. Remember, this feeling is completely normal, there is nothing wrong with you, many teens experience a variety of emotions and anger through their teenage years, as your body goes through puberty, and into adulthood. Overall good luck , and try to stay positive

Hey!

Glad to see that you're reaching out and opening up about your feelings; that's really great. Although, I'm sorry you're struggling. These feelings you describe sound really difficult to deal with. I'm really glad you haven't began self-harming though. That's a huge positive and I hope you don't end up feeling as you have to resort to self-harm. I've read of many people who have turned to self-harm to cope and became addicted to it, which only further progressed their problems in the end. If you ever feel as you may turn to self-harm then I definitely recommend to reach out to someone.

As you mentioned, none of us can diagnose you as we have yet to earn degrees in psychology. But we can offer our insight and encourage you to seek help. From what you described, there is always that possibility that it could be depression especially since it's impacting how you feel towards yourself and intrudes during moments when you should feel happy, like after going to the cinema for example. Is it okay if I ask how long you've had these feelings for? If they've been affecting you for a long period of time then it sounds even more concerning. But then again, there's always that chance that it could also be hormones because hormones can dramatically affect a person's mood and thoughts. That's important to keep in mind also. Are you able to see a psychiatrist for a mental health assessment? That might be a good idea as you'll have better knowledge on what you're dealing with and also be able to seek help for the feelings you're struggling with. It might be a good idea to also reach out to someone in your life whether it be your parents, a family member, a friend or your school counselor.

You mentioned that you have a lot of trouble expressing yourself, that even writing doesn't help you do so anymore? I'm not sure what type of writing you do, but would it help if you tried different types of writing? For example, if you mainly write poetry, then could it help to try writing song lyrics or a story? Journaling could also be helpful as you have a place to vent all your thoughts and feelings. I was wondering if you had tried taking up other methods of self-expression such as music, art, crafts etc. Occupying yourself with hobbies and such can be a fun way to cheer yourself up. I realize you never self-harmed, but have you ever looked through the self-harm alternatives list? There's a list of ways that you can express yourself and release anger but in ways that aren't harmful to you. Like popping bubble wrap, popping balloons, having a pillow fight with the wall, ripping up newpapers etc. That's just to name a few.

Something I thought is worth mentioning is that moderate exercise and getting daily sunlight releases endorphins and can help your mood. Along with that, your diet and sleep pattern is two things that can also be affecting how you feel. Making sure you're getting enough sleep, moderate exercise and a healthy diet consisting of vitamins and protein can at least help, even if it isn't the root cause.

When you look in the mirror, try looking for what you do like about yourself. Whether it be your hair or your eyes. Just focus on what you do like and try finding others. Remember that the mirror shows so little of a person. I imagine you have a lot of great qualities and things about you that a mirror doesn't have the ability to show. Perhaps it might help to make a list of your positive qualities and things you do like about yourself to help remind yourself of them and to help you embrace those things?

Even though you're obviously struggling with these feelings, always keep in mind that no negative feelings are forever. You can always push through the tough things, okay? You're strong and you do this. Of course, you have the support of TeenHelp and you're more than welcome to reach out anytime.

Hope this helped. I hope you feel better soon, M. Take care and stay strong. You're welcome to message me if you need anything!

[Green Yoshi]

this is what you called teenagehood, and i reassure you that things will work out for you. All you've to do is occupy yourself with things that will give a positive atmosphere. Something tells me that you hate yourself, but there's no reason to. You have qualities that other people wished they could have, and the only problem is you don't look at it that way yet. You've to appreciate yourself, and not beat yourself up.

The first thing you should do is write a diary , and then write plenty of reasons to love yourself. It could be

1) I'm better than i think i am
2) I want to find out more good qualities about me
3) I'm a young person with a world of experiences to get into
4) There's so many possibilities for me

and so on. There's so many reasons to not hate yourself. You'll always have our support!