Non-PG13 (Strong Language): Literally battling depression

[BubblyBabyBlue]

This time, I'm actually going to commit to overxoming my depression. My anxiety, anhedonia and depression have took my life away basically. I can't get medication from my therapist or doctor because they want me to take a natural approach (they say antidepressants can be very addicting). However, I feel as though I'm actually in battle with my depression. Everytime I try to get over something my "thoughts" throw at me, it won't stop until I give in...THEN IT COMES BACK WITH SOMETHING WORSE. im so sick of this. I can't feel attraction anymore, it's making me question my sexuality even though I've never did before, it's trying to make me let my boyfriend go (I can't do that because I know I love him too much), its constantly replaying the bad moments or the horrible moments in my life (arguments, bullying, etc), it makes me feel bad about myself, it makes me anxious and shelter myself, and it recently destroyed my sex drive. I can't get turned on. TWO DAYS AGO, I DIDN'T HAVE THIS PRO This sucks and I'm seriously trying to get over this but..this shit just doesn't want to go away. It's fucking up my whole life. It doesn't want to go away -_- like what the fuck? I try not to believe ANYTHING it tells me but its hard not to believe your mind :/ My bf ad best friend have been very supportive, but sometimes I begin to lose hope and go into a crying fit. Advice/help?

[Eternal]

Your therapist can't prescribe medication, but if you ask for a referral to a psychiatrist I don't believe they can deny you that and a psychiatrist can prescribe you medication. While I agree the natural approach is best as antidepressants aren't meant to be taken long-term, they are really beneficial to help you get to a better place. They aren't necessarily addictive, they just give you withdrawal effects if you don't come off them carefully.
Depression is really hard, and it definitely is a battle. Remember you aren't going through this alone though, you have a boyfriend, family, and friends who love you. Don't be afraid to reach out to them when you're feeling low, I promise they want to be there for you as much as they can. Having a lower sex drive is common with depression, the illness tends to make activities less enjoyable. It won't always be this way, though. I suffered really bad depression during high school too and I can honestly say it does get better. When you have a crying fit, would you feel comfortable calling your boyfriend or best friend? I know when those times happen all you want to do is curl up and be alone, but having someone who can help calm you down can help shorten these episodes. I also recommend listening to happy music, I know that sad music you can relate too will sound way more appealing, but upbeat music can really help change your mood for the better.
Just hang in there, you can get through this. Perhaps you can write a list of every little thing that makes you happy that you can look at when you're feeling down. You don't deserve to feel this way and I wish I could do more than type up words on the screen. I'm always here if you need someone to talk to!