How do I make new friends? Especially with depression & anxiety?

Paint

I've noticed that over half of my friendships are toxic. I sometimes question whether I'm the problem because I struggle with depression and depersonalization-derealization (which is a disorder that makes it very difficult to leave my house most days, it's almost like agoraphobia). Sometimes I think that I'm the reason a lot of my friendships have become so toxic but when I think about it: I'm not happy around my friends. I have a large group of Christian friends, half of which condemned my dead grandfather because he wasn't a Christian. I've sat through their side of opinions for months and months and I just don't get along with them. I mean I of course don't mind having friends with different religious or political views as me, but it becomes very bad when my friends don't like me for who I am.

The next group of friends I have is the users - we all have them. I've been one of those people too. But I have friends who pretty much want nothing to do with me until they need something or want to talk to me about their problems because they know I'll listen.

I have very few friends that understand my depression and depersonalization (if any at all) and I just don't like myself when I'm with my friends.

But here's the thing: I struggle with MAJOR guilt issues. I have stayed in SO many abusive relationships out of guilt. I am very bad at ending friendships. It's one of the hardest things. I end up being very nice and very fake around my friends and I HATE having to be fake.

How do I make new friends and ditch the old? Talking to my old friends won't do anything, they already know how I feel but through manipulation and using my guilt against me, they keep bringing themselves back into my life.

Green Yoshi

misty. I think that you are someone that is very nice, but you just happen to be surrounded by people who aren't as nice. You are just nicer than them in plenty of ways, and unfortunately, some of them make use of you because they know the person that you are.

To overcome this, i just think you just gotta join new clubs or societies where you are going to meet new people, and socialize more with these new people. And one more thing you have to realize is that.... you've plenty of reasons to like yourself. You're someone who has plenty of advantages, plenty of good qualities that a lot of other people are jealous of. Be proud of that because that's who you are.. you'er a good person who makes others smile. And that makes you a very good friend. So don't ever be nervous or anxious... because I get the feeling that it's a real blessing to get to know you personally.

To the users, the guilt trippers and the people who don't appreciate you for who you are, they're making a huge mistake. It's better to let them be and slowly distance yourself from people who make use of you.

Stay strong. You can overcome this

if you wanna rant to someone bout your problems or just need a friend, I'll always be around

Celyn

Hey there!

I don’t think you’re the cause of the toxic friendships. I know a lot of the time that depression and anxiety can make things difficult in maintaining friendships, but equally, friends who don’t understand or who are ignorant to mental health issues can also make things difficult. It isn’t your fault though.

It can be good to have friends who have different views to you, but that does not make it right for them to force their beliefs onto you. And users never make good friends. It’s good that you have realised that you aren’t happy in the friendships though- you deserve much better!

I can relate to not being able to end friendships, staying in them and feeling guilty. But you have to put yourself first. If the friendships are making you unhappy, then it’s best to leave them. You deserve that much, at least. Perhaps you could start distancing yourself from them, and ‘leave quietly’ and if they ask for favours, let them know how inconvenient it might be for you. It may be hard, but it will be worthwhile. As for making new friends, you could join clubs or take up hobbies and meet people that way. Volunteering can also be a good way of making friends.

Take care