Triggering: TW: SL,ED, SI Anxiety, Depression, Nightmares?, light therapy, ED

I am seeing my therapist in two days. I have a lot to talk to her about. But I just don't know how to go about it.

My depression is getting worse and worse. Everybody is annoying the hell out of me. I have not relapsed in cutting but I have started biting myself again. I bite my self a lot on my cruise because I got so frustrated. I'm unmotivated to do much. I think I might need to go into PHP but I don't know if she will allow that.

My anxiety is throw the fucking roof. My social and general. On the cruise I couldn't go on an elevator that had more than five people in it. The crowds were ridiculous and I couldn't handle them.

I think I am having nightmares nightly but I can't remember them when I wake up so I can't be sure. But I do wet the bed and it sucks ass.

I want to see if I can do the DMR or something like that. The light therapy so i can maybe remember my trama and then hopefully remember the nightmares.

I need to process the fact that my grandpa has always hated me. I know he loves me but he also hates me. He spent a whole trip ignoring me and talking to strangers then when my grandma said something about it he said he tried to, so he was ignoring me on purpose.

My Ed thoughts are getting worse and worse. I am about to relapse. I already have a plan for when I get home because I am fat and disgusting and very ugly to look at. I just want to starve myself and if I eat then to purge. I also want to cut all the fat off my body. So yeah.

I just don't know how to address all of this to her because I've only met with her once.

[Philomath]

Hi Frankie,

It is really great and brave of you to want to talk to your therapist about all of these things. The best way she can help you is if you are honest and explain things to her as best as possible.
Maybe you could try writing these things to her in a letter or printing out the post you made here as guidance or to give her if you are at a loss for words because you are nervous about what to say.
It is good you are thinking of confronting your experiences and that you want to heal from what you have been through. Being open with her will allow this to occur and you will gain a better understanding of yourself, more coping skills that are positive and hopefully with time your triggers will decrease.
I know that this response is not much but I hope whatever therapeutic options that the two of you come up with, they work and are supportive to you. Whatever happens, know you are always welcome to express yourself here and that this will be challenging but worth it.
Take care.
You can PM me if you would ever like someone to talk to.