My Depression Story?

[Finding Wonderland]

I just want somebody to care about me. I am so tired of being alone in this whole depressed thing. I'm tired of caring for other people and getting nothing in return. I am tired of having friends who constantly pick on me and tease me and take care of other people like gold but treat me like crap. I'm tired of being teased. I want somebody to care.

I'm depressed. I don't need to lean on anybody just because I have a mental illness. I can take care of myself. My therapist once told me I was the smartest and happiest depressed person. Because I can talk to myself and figure things out on my own.

But I want somebody to care. I want somebody to hold my hand and tell me everything will be alright. I'm tired of putting all the weight of people on my shoulder's and going out of my way to help people. I want to be free to be someone other than what people have created me into being.

I want someone to care.

That's why I'm depressed. If you asked me just thirty minutes ago or two months ago why I'm depressed I couldn't answer you. Heck I've been writing this thread for the last hour and I couldn't even tell you why I was depressed until right now.

I have no control in my life and everything I do is centered around other people. I live my life for others. I know I do. I always thought service made you happy.

It doesn't if you live your whole life serving people by listening to them gossip, rant, rave, and even share their stories about helping others.

Nobody helps me.

I hang out with 3 guys who I call my best friends. I love them so much. But all of these guys are in love and so I'm often forgotten. And they pick on me relentlessly. They constantly are knocking me down. And they turn around and treat their loves and other friends like gold. They go out of their way to help them.

Once we all had a convention on how to get someone to be happier. A girl who is talented beyond belief, who can do anything you ask her to, and they got 15 people to help her be happier. And there I am, little depressed me who wants to die on occasion pretending to be happy and taking care of other people when really maybe I need the help.

I saved my friend from suicide. But he doesn't bother to catch up with me and make sure I'm not feeling the same way. And that doesn't bother me because he has a lot on his mind. But it does bother me on occasion, I just don't want it to. I want him to be happy. (You see? I live for other's happiness)

I want to fall in love again. I want to laugh with someone and know that they won't knock me down and make me miserable. I want to know that to someone I come first instead of pulling up second. I want to matter to someone and I want to help them and be their best friend. I want to be wanted instead of forgotten.

No. I am not depressed because I'm not in love. No, I'm not that kind of teenage girl. I am fine with myself. I am fine being alone, I just want a best friend who cares about me and I come in first. My so called "best friend" (The one I saved from suicide) takes me for granted. When he falls in love with a girl, or even likes a girl, he pushes me away and opens up to that person more. And I'm forgotten once more. And all I want is to be included in his life.

I want to be included in everyone's lives. I hate being second. I want someone to want me and share with me everything they have. I want to help them and I want them to help me.

I'm tired of pulling all this weight by myself. It's like I'm on this hike and everyone gave me their equipment to carry up the hill. I gladly took it and from behind them I'm smiling and laughing and trying to make conversation, but when I look up I realize that they are all ahead of me on the hike and I'm all alone.

Would it kill them to care about me? It's been this way for years. I've been living for others since elementary school.

Who am I?

[Ryanviola]

I think you are confused little whether allow some one to make entry in your personal life or not. Because you want someone as your best friend and on other hand you are comfort with being single and handle situation on your own.

[Paint]

Hey there. First of all, I’m so sorry about how you’re feeling. You certainly don’t deserve to be feeling this way. I’m going to try my best to address everything you’ve mentioned here to the best of my ability, and if I miss anything out, feel free to PM me to talk more.

I just want somebody to care about me. I am so tired of being alone in this whole depressed thing. I'm tired of caring for other people and getting nothing in return. I am tired of having friends who constantly pick on me and tease me and take care of other people like gold but treat me like crap. I'm tired of being teased. I want somebody to care.

Feeling alone is never fun; people much rather want to die than have to live their lives feeling as if no one cares. Maybe it’s not enough for you, or maybe it is, but I will always care. I know a lot of people say that but never actually mean it but I’m here to tell you I mean it. I hear what you’re going through and I know what it’s like to feel like you wish just one person would care. You said you’re tired of caring for other people and not getting anything in return – this shows your character and what a selfless person you are. As far as finding someone who cares about you: I promise you there’s still goodness in the world, you just have to look harder sometimes. I know most people seem like heartless, cruel, uncaring people – but when you finally find someone who cares, stick to them. Keep looking. You’re not the only one on this quest.

About friends who pick on you and tease you – I think it sounds like they can be contributing a lot to the way you’re feeling. Easier said than done, but I think you need to put yourself out there and make new friends. Show them you don’t need such demeaning friends.

I'm depressed. I don't need to lean on anybody just because I have a mental illness. I can take care of myself. My therapist once told me I was the smartest and happiest depressed person. Because I can talk to myself and figure things out on my own.

But I want somebody to care. I want somebody to hold my hand and tell me everything will be alright. I'm tired of putting all the weight of people on my shoulder's and going out of my way to help people. I want to be free to be someone other than what people have created me into being.

I want someone to care.

First of all, congratulations for being in therapy. I’m glad that you’ve made some sort of positive step toward recovery. This shows that you know yourself well enough to give yourself what is healthy, appropriate and right for you. But just because you’re so good at talking to yourself and figuring things out on your own, does not mean that you don’t need anyone. You still need people; everyone needs someone. The recurrent theme I see in your post is that you feel like no one cares. Again, I encourage you to send me a PM and we can exchange stories. Trust me that I’ve felt this way before, and still do from time to time. I’ll be there for you. I’ll listen. And I know there are plenty of other people who will too, even if it’s just through the internet. Better than nothing, right?

That's why I'm depressed. If you asked me just thirty minutes ago or two months ago why I'm depressed I couldn't answer you. Heck I've been writing this thread for the last hour and I couldn't even tell you why I was depressed until right now.

I have no control in my life and everything I do is centered around other people. I live my life for others. I know I do. I always thought service made you happy.

Ah, the feeling of losing control of your life. Remember that you, and only you are in control of your life and that outside forces should not control the person you are. Try to remember that every morning when you wake up and every night before you go to bed – you are your own person, you’re in control. However, you seem very selfless. And I think this calls for a “pamper me” day – just go out, have fun, do something for YOU. Maybe pick up a new hobby, talent, form of art – something, anything – if you find something you feel passionate about, it will bring you a great sense of relief. You’ll also be connecting and doing something positive for yourself.

It doesn't if you live your whole life serving people by listening to them gossip, rant, rave, and even share their stories about helping others.

Nobody helps me.

I hang out with 3 guys who I call my best friends. I love them so much. But all of these guys are in love and so I'm often forgotten. And they pick on me relentlessly. They constantly are knocking me down. And they turn around and treat their loves and other friends like gold. They go out of their way to help them.

Once we all had a convention on how to get someone to be happier. A girl who is talented beyond belief, who can do anything you ask her to, and they got 15 people to help her be happier. And there I am, little depressed me who wants to die on occasion pretending to be happy and taking care of other people when really maybe I need the help.

Maybe it’s time to have a conversation with your friends. This can totally be awkward but it’s better to have a short awkward conversation than to continue to feel this way. If you feel like you cannot do this in person, write a note, send an email, or something. Have a heart to heart conversation with these people and tell them what’s going on in your lives – or maybe even link them to this thread. Show them that you’re a person too, with valid emotions and feelings.

I saved my friend from suicide. But he doesn't bother to catch up with me and make sure I'm not feeling the same way. And that doesn't bother me because he has a lot on his mind. But it does bother me on occasion, I just don't want it to. I want him to be happy. (You see? I live for other's happiness)

Wow, I think you’re an incredible person for doing this. It’s unbelievable and amazing what you have done for people, and I only hope that you find someone who can do the same for you. Kudos to you. Remember – I don’t know if you’re religious but God, or whatever higher being, knows what you’re doing.

I want to fall in love again. I want to laugh with someone and know that they won't knock me down and make me miserable. I want to know that to someone I come first instead of pulling up second. I want to matter to someone and I want to help them and be their best friend. I want to be wanted instead of forgotten.

No. I am not depressed because I'm not in love. No, I'm not that kind of teenage girl. I am fine with myself. I am fine being alone, I just want a best friend who cares about me and I come in first. My so called "best friend" (The one I saved from suicide) takes me for granted. When he falls in love with a girl, or even likes a girl, he pushes me away and opens up to that person more. And I'm forgotten once more. And all I want is to be included in his life.

It’s good you realized that you’re not just depressed because you’re not in love. It’s healthy and totally fine to be sad about it, but I’m glad that that’s not the root of what’s depressing you. I think you need to put yourself out there more. I think you need to try. And again, I think you need to start having conversations and reaching out. I think that simply using your writing skills or having a conversation can very much fix a lot of your issues. I know it’s awkward, I know it’s tough, but won’t it be worth it? And if it doesn’t work, you’ll know your true friends, and where you stand.

I want to be included in everyone's lives. I hate being second. I want someone to want me and share with me everything they have. I want to help them and I want them to help me.

Start small. Dream big, but start small. Accomplish one thing at a time, and work toward your overall goal. You may want to stick around TeenHelp – a place where you help others and get help at the same time. You’ll find friends, you’ll feel at home. And if you apply the same principles to your real life world, you may find progress.

I'm tired of pulling all this weight by myself. It's like I'm on this hike and everyone gave me their equipment to carry up the hill. I gladly took it and from behind them I'm smiling and laughing and trying to make conversation, but when I look up I realize that they are all ahead of me on the hike and I'm all alone.

Would it kill them to care about me? It's been this way for years. I've been living for others since elementary school.

Who am I?

At the end of the day, you can’t make someone feel a certain way, nor can you make someone care. You should remember that sometimes in this world, you need to care about yourself and keep your head up high. Sometimes, no matter how hard you push, you can’t change people’s minds and that’s something they have to do themselves. In the meantime, you can keep trying to find new people in your life that give you positive energy, and make you feel the way you want to feel. Living for others seems like a really nice way to live, but you’re a person too, and you deserve satisfaction, happiness, a life of love and so much more. You’re a valuable member of this Earth and I hope you continue to keep faith and hope. Please don’t lose it. I’m here for you. And so many more people are too. Forever & always.