Depression Relapse

[SarahRose14]

I have had Major Depressive Disorder for a few years on and off, with a history of a suicide attempt. I have been doing well for over a year, until yesterday.
My friend's mom (who I have never met) called me and told me I could never call,text, facebook my best friend ever again. She also called me a very disturbed, horrible child. She read our texts and I said that I was experimenting with different ideas of religion.
I said I liked the freedom of Satanism. But I also said that I don't believe in worshiping demons or anything, and don't want to hurt anyone. Btw, don't get offended and tell me how bad that sounds, because I know. I have no energy to argue. My mom is very christian and I haven't told her.
My mom found me in my room having an intense panic attack and rushed me to the hospital. I was pulling my hair, screaming, sobbing, and shaking uncontrollably. When I got out of the car I threw up everywhere and the nurse could hardly take my blood pressure because I was shaking so badly. It was my worst episode in 2 years. I eventually ran out of energy and the doctor released me around 2 AM.
Today I feel very drained and can't sleep or keep down any food. Even drinking too much water makes me vomit. I really don't want to face my friends at school, and I don't know what to do. I would be thankful if anyone had any advice.

[Rivière]

It sounds like your best friend's mum has been the trigger of your relapse. After having your best friend for so long and them being someone you can go to for whatever you need, someone who's there for you no matter what, it's no wonder you reacted the way you did when she treated you in the horrific and judgmental way that she did. It shouldn't matter what religion you identify yourself with, it doesn't necessarily make you bad and your best friend's mum should have known better. Understandably she felt she was protecting their child and obviously feared for them but it doesn't excuse the way they treated you and caused you to relapse after doing so well for yourself.

Have you considered talking to someone about this? Do you have any other close friends that you could talk to or maybe a doctor? Doctors are trained to deal with all kinds of things and retain a doctor-patient confidentiality. Have you considered chatting to a counsellor tailored for exactly what you need? If you haven't it may be a good idea to because they can help guide you.

It's very understandable that you haven't talked to your mum about what you identify with considering she's very Christian and this can make you feel like she won't accept you because you're into something that is defined as the opposite of what she practices. You could talk about what happened with your best friend's mum if she doesn't already know, skimming around the religious aspect and go from there.

Remember that relapses are quite normal and they happen to us all, once you've fallen down the only thing you can do is pick yourself back up and already by posting here you've done just that. You can get through this!