Depression is killing me

[Rainy.Eyes]

I just dont know who I am any more. I I love my family but at the same I am detrimental to everyone around me . I hurt my family , and everyone around me. No one needs me . I cant stop arguing with my parents.
I just want to disappear .

[Rainy.Eyes]

I cant express myself... I am blocked ...

[Misty♥]

I'm so sorry to hear you are battling depression - but you can't give up the fight. You're not worthless - you're only feeling this way because of your depression.

You say you love your family and you don't want to hurt them. If you disappeared, I am sure it would hurt your family, and you don't want that, do you? I know that you may be feeling worthless and nothing I say is going to change your mindset but please realize that things eventually do get better and that depression cannot define self-worth. I suggest you try to find someone you can talk to about this - a trusted adult, a best friend - anyone. It's great you're seeking help here.

I think you need to put your life into perspective a little bit. I'm assuming you're 15 since that's what your profile says? You've got your entire life ahead of you - this rough patch will just be a small part of your life in the long run, you will be glad you didn't "disappear" ten years from now when you're living a successful happy life. I know you don't want to believe this depression is going to way - and maybe you will always have "depression tendencies" - but you will get better if you just hang in there. Right now, you might not be motivated to do much, but you should try to put yourself out there and try something new (and positive) every day. One step at a time, but you'll make it.

If you ever want to talk, you can PM me. Please don't hurt yourself - the world needs you.

Hi there, Cristian.

I'm really sorry you're going through this, but I'm really glad you've reached out here. It sounds like you're having a really hard time. Depression can be really hard to deal with and recover from. I think you can get better, it'll just take time. There'll be set-backs, but I believe you can get to a state of being content and even happy. Just don't give up on yourself. With depression I understand that everything looks gray, but I've found that by looking for little positives in a day helps change your outlook on things. I like to look at one thing that made me happy, and just think about that. Or think about happy memories when I start feeling down. Then sometimes it kind of turns into a mind reflex to think happy thoughts when feeling bad, sometimes.

Do you have a journal that you can write in? It might help just to simply write down your thoughts and feelings, rip the page out then repeat whenever your feelings get intense again. Kind of like metaphorically "throwing your feelings away". May sound silly, but it can help. Do you write poems or short stories? Maybe it'd help to express yourself through that. You could even post them in Self-Expression. Hobbies, new things and generally things you enjoy can also help you feel a little better sometimes. Such as playing games, learning or playing an instrument, going for a walk, trying new things you haven't done before, even something as simple as a new food, or moving stuff in your room around. Do you know of anyone in your neighborhood your age, or someone at school that seems friendly? Meeting new people and making new friends can be great.

Is there anyone in your life you can talk to about how you're feeling? Sometimes some support can be really helpful. And if it seems to scary to open up verbally, you can always write it on a note or a text and give to them. Might make it a little easier for you. Could you talk to a school counselor, or maybe a therapist to help you figure things out and hopefully get advice from another perspective? All in all, just don't lose sight of the future. Of the fact that you're 15 and you've got your whole life ahead of you. This isn't all life is, just give it time, things won't always be bad. This might make you come out of this stronger. Just hang in there, Cristian, okay? Your family needs you a lot more than you know. I mean, your parents would be so hurt if you weren't her anymore. They care about you so much, even if you can't see that or believe it. Depression lies. You can get through this, life is hard but worth it and rewarding. If you want, you can message me anytime. Stay strong.