Depression/bipolar?

[Jet]

Let me preface by saying I honestly have a great life as far as material things. We all know that doesn't make someone happy. I'm okay with friends, just shy. That's not the problem. I have just about everything I could want short of a girl (or boy?) to spend my life with.

I could end up being a surgeon that makes $500,000 a year, if I really wanted to. That's not what I aspire to, however. Also I have depression or possibly bipolar disorder that's keeping me from doing anything right. My grades have been pretty terrible this year so far and I'm trying to find out what to do before I doom myself to a life of working at the BK drive thru.

The only time I feel good and don't have to worry about things is when I'm either taking care of my horses or riding my horse with some friends. But I just can't do that all the time. I'm not a very social person from the beginning, and I'm shy too. I feel like I'd rather stay home and watch a movie than go to a movie with friends. The reason I think I may have bipolar disorder is some days I might feel really good for no reason all day, then the next day I just want to lay in bed until something good happens. It gets worse in the winter (SAD).

Now that's not even much of the problem so far. Here it is. I have no confidence and I have trust issues. My mom is a bitch and I know if I say "I've been feeling sad a lot for a couple years now and I think I should see a psychologist" she'll treat me even worse than she already does. She clearly chooses my brother over me for everything, and would probably look for an excuse to put me in a special school for suicidal people (even though I've never even thought about it, and I seriously doubt I ever would). There's no way I can just get her to bring me without telling her either. And she'll know I'm lying if I say something like anxiety, she thinks I'm a drug addict for some reason.

I just need to get to a psychologist, get a god damn antidepressant prescription, and go home. I don't need 5 years of therapy before they decide it's not working. I don't need suicide watch. I just need my damn prescription to make my life better.

What do I do?

[blackheartedballerina]

do you have a school counselor you can talk to? im home schooled so i don't know if schools always have counselors, but i would start there

[Jet]

Schools are even more obligated to tell your parents since they're your legal guardian during school hours.

[blackheartedballerina]

oh. well that won't work. sorry

[dragonblood]

Schools will probably tell your parents. And I always get a feeling that the teacher who you've been talking to will tell all the others during some lunch break or something.

Anyway, you should still talk to someone about your problems. If you can't find a counsellor/professional talk to someone you completely trust, which may or may not be an adult (they tend to tell the parents). You should let it out instead of holding it in.

Hey there!

Sorry you're feeling this way. It may not be bipolar, may be hormones acting up. However, it really doesn't make it easier no matter what the cause and it's always nice to know what it is for sure. Do you have anyone else who's an adult in your family you can have take you to see a psychiatrist? How about a friend or family member you can talk to? Support may help. Also, since this is effecting your grades, it might be a good idea to talk to a teacher for some helpful advice and mainly having someone listen.

Also, I'm sorry to hear about the issues with your mom. Have you asked her why she treats you differently? I'm sure she cares about you.

Something I might add, having outlets in your life can be really helpful to get you through this. Like with horse-riding, do things like that often, sounds like a good way to clear your mind. Pets are also really nice to have around. Hmm... do you have any games? It's a nice distracting hobby. I like venting in notebooks as a form of self-expression, maybe you could try that?

Hope things work out and you can get some proper support. Hope I helped a bit.