Panic attacks, depression, and trichotillomania.

[millymop]

I just want to say before I post this that the reason I haven't been to seek help is because I don't want it to ruin my career prospects. I'm 18, I have dreams, I don't want them ruined by something that might be nothing.

So, recently I've been quite concerned about my own mental health. From the age of around 6, 2 years after my dad left, until probably 12 or 13, I struggled with Trichotillomania, a form of Impulsive Control Disorder which makes you pull out your own hair. During that time I also developed lots of habits such as over-blinking, clicking in my throat, biting my nails (which has unfortunately stuck), scratching my gums, and symmetry (touching the same object with both hands or feet). For a good 3 years toward the end of it, I had no eyebrows or eyelashes. I can't remember how I managed to make myself stop, but I seemed to just forget about it (or as I suspect, blocked the memories out once I'd stopped pulling). I still get very strong impulses from time to time but I seem to have more self control now, and can stop after about 3 or 4 eyelashes.

I've suspected for a few years that I might be suffering with depression, but as soon as I seriously consider getting help, I switch back to feeling fine again.
I haven't spoken to my mum about any of this, but she has commented that state of mind seems to be either overly optimistic or totally negative, and we never know what's coming next. When I'm up, I forget all about feeling down. I can go running and go out with my friends, and start making plans for great holidays or days out with my friends. But when I am down, I can't imagine ever feeling good again. I can spend hours in front of the tv, eating bad food and . I've also noticed that I have episodes of utter grief or panic over things that I should really laugh off, for example getting on the wrong bus, or a joking comment someone made about me. I find myself unable to stop crying, and get a really tight chest which makes me struggle to breathe. Are these Panic/Anxiety attacks?

For the last year or so I've tried to deny that I have a problem, purely because I thought people would laugh and say I'm being attention seeking, but that's the last thing I want about this. I just want to know what is happening to me and that I'm not just being paranoid.

The ultimate question is, should I get help? And if so, do I go to a Doctor or a therapist (taking into account I live in the UK. I'm not sure what the NHS covers and what I have to pay for). And, if it turns out I do have a mental health problem, will that affect my ability to go on and become a Midwife?

Thanks for reading. Milly <3

[Kate*]

Hey Milly, I'm sorry you've struggled with all of this. If you feel that you need help, you should get it. It should not affect your future career since everything is kept confidential and you aren't going into a field where mental health issues could cause serious impairment in your ability to safely do your job without harming others. I live in the U.S. so I can't help with the NHS.

Hey there,

I think that you should definitely look into getting help for this. I know it can be hard to accept help but if you were to open up about what is going on you might be able to start working on getting to a better place. Once you start feeling better you will realize that seeking help was the best step to take. You don't deserve to be going through all of this. I live in the USA so I can't tell you where to go for help but I would think that you could probably go to a General Practitioner and explain to them what is going on and then they could refer you to a psychologist or something along those lines. I know that here that is how some people go about getting in with psychologists or psychiatrists so maybe it would be the same there? Do you think you could talk to your mom about what steps you should take in regards to getting help and who you should see? Lastly, I honestly don't think that something like this should impact your future career because your medical conditions are kept confidential.

I really hope that this helped in some way and I am wishing you the best of luck.