depression from torned friendship

[prettylittlesecret]

I am in college now and I'm having friendship problem. I used to have 2 best friends in college, both of them are socialists and independent. I always wanted friends who would always be there for me and stick around whenever I need them. But clearly, these 2 friends are not what I'm looking for but they are nice and we are perfectly fine. I was with them for almost 2 years and there were stuffs I didn't like. Sometimes they went hanging out with other group of friends and never invited me.They also went tutoring together or even have some extra reading materials and they didn't seem to think that they should share with me. I kind of feel bad for a while but then I met 2 new friends. They are what I've been looking for. They always stick together and helping each other out and most important they seem to want me IN with them. So i kind of faded away from my old friends or sometime I pull these 4 people together. It was a very good time in my college year. Not so long, a problem came up. One of my new friend seem to feel uncomfortable with one of my existing best friends. They are againsting each others and made attempt for me to choose between them. According to the problem, I saw that my old friend was wrong and I sided with my new friend. I am so agreed with my new friend that my old friend is kind of selfish and never really think about others but herselves. After the problem, I moved to stay with my new 2 best friends and one of my old friend sided with me. So now there are 4 people, me, my 2 new best friends and my existing best friend. After we hang out for a while, people keep warning me about my new friend that she is self-centered and being narcissism. I stood up against everyone because I was so sure that she is very nice and I really like her. My new friends really care for me and stick together with me all the time and I was carried away by them that I might seem to forget my old friend. However, my old friend is a socialist and she've been going out with everyone and doesn't seem to care much about me in the first place so I think there won't be a problem. For few months, she started to slipped away but we were still best friend. Due to some circumstances, I have to lived 24.7 with my one of my new best friend. It was a pleasure to live with her and I thought it would be really great and it would help us bond together and get even closer. However, after we've been living together and knowing each others real self I couldn't accept her attitude. I really can't put up with her and there are so many things that I really don't like about her and how I couldn't accept that someone with this kind of habits would be my best friend. We cleared things out but it didn't work. I've been tolerated for a while and one say my temper snapped. I IM to my old friend (high school friend) about her and I was using violent words because I was mad. At that time I really don't mean to say those things but it keeps coming out. Its the point where I realised that what people are warning me are true. When it comes to harsh time, she was only caring about herself. Problems is that she was rudely sneaking on my IM and found out everything about what I said. We cleared things out and I said that I was sorry and I told her how her attitudes were. She doesn't admit any of it. She is totally a self-centered person and shes always right no matter what. I gave up trying to explain and I put all the blames to myself to end the arguement. She said that we could still be friends but she might hang out with other groups of friends too. We haven't met for a while and I can feel that shes shutting me out of her life. I don't know what she've said to other people but my another new best friend is with her and they just cut me out of their life. I feel so lonely and outcasted. What's hurt is that my new best friend is not even have an effort to ask me anything about this predicament. She just teamed up with my other friends and banned me. They've been hanging out, setting up facebook status and never bother to tag me or talk to me. I don't know what to so. I felt so lost. I know I was wrong and being a horrible person for gossiping and I don't think I'm not the only one being wrong here. Everyone didn't know how she treated me when we lived together. It was also extremely unbearable. Now I feel like I have no one left even though I have one close friend left. The problem is that I think that we are different and not so compatible. The worst part is that my existing best friend (one who is socialist) seem to ignore me. She doesn't even care to ask me anything about what has happened between me and that friend of mine. Actually she doesn't even tried to talk to me at all. I feel like I'm being alone and I have nobody left. What should I do?

[Collies R Us]

Try apologizing again; maybe the message will go through....But I'm thinking they'll continue with this stuff because it seems to be ingrained into who they are. This is going to be hard, but maybe you should find new friends. Join a club that you enjoy or just randomly talk to someone. The other option would be to stick with your friends and make an effort to understand why they like they are. Maybe you need to get on a deeper level with them. But this could hurt you even more, so watch out.
Realize a lost cause when you see it. You could get hurt. Good luck. I hope you find someone. God bless. I'll pray for ya.
- Collies R Us

Hey!

I don't have any other advice to give because I agree with Ally completely. So I just wanted to say that you can message me if you'd like someone to talk to.

Stay Strong <3

[prettylittlesecret]

Hey thank you guys for the advice I really appreciate it.
To Ally: I have apologized for a thousand times and have been telling her that I didn't meant to hurt her but it slipped out because I was furious. The problem is she doesn't have an effort to change or to tune us together and she never admit her flaws. It turned up that I was the only one responsible for this breakdown Actually after what I've seen from her, I do not want to continue our friendship either. I felt being used and down. I really don't care about her but I card about my other friend. I just couldn't understand why she just sided with this friend of mine and left me like I never existed. I am also worried that this friend that I have fight with would be going around telling everyone about us and she has a talent of being manipulative and saying whatever it takes to make her right. I don't know how many people she has been going up to talk to and what contents does she included in her one-sided story. Judging from what I saw from my other friend, its obvious that her story definitely make me look like a bad person. I admit that I might not be that good but she doesn't better either. I think she would make up the story to make it looks like I'm a jealous bitch who backstabbed my best friend. I really felt bad for that. I think she realizes that she wasn't that good but she tried to run away from her shadow and put all the blames on me. I'm really paranoid and worried about how many people would hate me and think negatively about me

To Christabel : Thank you for your offer. Let's talk sometime I really need a friend right now!

[prettylittlesecret]

Well I really need an answer whether Im the one responsible for this breakdown. I felt guilty and screwed up. But there's a part of me that I felt like I shouldn't be the only one being wrong. I tried every way not to cause any conflicts and I really need to split these feelings out to someone so that I can cool down and being able to cope up with these miserableness. I chose to talk to my old friend who doesn't even know about this friend of mine in a private chat. I just couldn't believe it that this friend would be so rude to read my private conversation. I never expect her to find out. I kept all these things secretly and I don't thing I deserve to be the subject of some stupid rumour.