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my breaking point thoughts.. ( tirggering i guess )
Posted February 11th 2011 at 11:46 PM by xX-anna-Xx
Tags depression, thoughts, tirggering
Who am i trying to kid ?
me or him.
i know the things i say are usually lies when it comes to him.
but what am i suppose to say ?
that i still love him, when he doesnt give a crap about me .
when you look into my eyes i know you can see the hurt behind the smile and the lie " im fine "
he knew me. he was everything to me. he was my bestfriend. now hes gone. and theres no way to get him back.
i effed up big time by dating him again i guess.
i should i have said no im guessing.
nothings the same anymore.
i feel the whole inside my chest. my heart itself doesnt beat the same.
i wish he knew how i felt.
the pain i get when i see him hugging another girl. knowing ill never ever get another hug like that.
he'll never look at me the same i guess.
we have been though so much stuff.
i dont know how to cope with any of this anymore.
im lost inside someone who i dont know anymore.
i hate this person i have become. its never who iw anted to be er attend to be.
but ; everything happens for a reason, right ?
maybe, this is just a test to see how far i can make it in life wihtout the person i love by my side being there for me no matter what.
people say i should be over this already but its hard. nobdoy understands the pain im in right now.
i dont know what to do anymore.
i hate this more than anything. this pain. the heart ach i have. im sick of it.
i want it gone, and i want it gone now.
but; theres no way. i've tired alot. i cant bring myself to cut cause it always brought him down by me doing that. whats the point though ?
thats what i dont get . we dont even talk but i still care about him alot .
and i cant bring myself to do what he hated the most of what i did. when i wanted to so much.
i dont know anymore /:
someone just please help me out..
me or him.
i know the things i say are usually lies when it comes to him.
but what am i suppose to say ?
that i still love him, when he doesnt give a crap about me .
when you look into my eyes i know you can see the hurt behind the smile and the lie " im fine "
he knew me. he was everything to me. he was my bestfriend. now hes gone. and theres no way to get him back.
i effed up big time by dating him again i guess.
i should i have said no im guessing.
nothings the same anymore.
i feel the whole inside my chest. my heart itself doesnt beat the same.
i wish he knew how i felt.
the pain i get when i see him hugging another girl. knowing ill never ever get another hug like that.
he'll never look at me the same i guess.
we have been though so much stuff.
i dont know how to cope with any of this anymore.
im lost inside someone who i dont know anymore.
i hate this person i have become. its never who iw anted to be er attend to be.
but ; everything happens for a reason, right ?
maybe, this is just a test to see how far i can make it in life wihtout the person i love by my side being there for me no matter what.
people say i should be over this already but its hard. nobdoy understands the pain im in right now.
i dont know what to do anymore.
i hate this more than anything. this pain. the heart ach i have. im sick of it.
i want it gone, and i want it gone now.
but; theres no way. i've tired alot. i cant bring myself to cut cause it always brought him down by me doing that. whats the point though ?
thats what i dont get . we dont even talk but i still care about him alot .
and i cant bring myself to do what he hated the most of what i did. when i wanted to so much.
i dont know anymore /:
someone just please help me out..
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