Doubt

I wonder why people feel like this. This... uneasy feeling. Tightness in the chest. Tears rolling down faces.

I wonder what causes people to doubt reality.

I doubt reality. At this moment, I wonder why I even have friends. Why I have my amazing boyfriend. And these things are but a few of my doubts. Do my friends really care? Does my boyfriend really love me?

Wait, maybe it isn't reality I doubt. Is it me?

Story time.

So I was in elementary when I had my first boyfriend. Let's call him F. F and I liked each other for a while, yet only dated for a day. Reason we only dated for a day was because he broke up with me for another girl.

Another story.

I was in 6th grade when I had my next boyfriend. L. L and I dated for 2 months, and broke up because he lied to me after 2 weeks of dating me. He lied about his feelings, then goes and calls me ugly.

One final story.

My freshman year I dated this guy named P. We dated for 4 months. He used me for sex. Plain and simple.

Now, you may be wondering why I have told you these 3 stories. It's easy: Because I have been convinced by each of those guys that I am unworthy.

I'm watching 13 Reasons Why and I think it is triggering me. Can't stop watching though because I relate to the girl.

Mood of the day: Tired.