Ugh... Oldness... Decisions... Impossible
Been given the A-Level book, have to decide what to do with life...
How on earth am I meant to decide?
16 subjects to choose from... 4 subjects to do...
Not sure how to choose, don't know what I want to do...
Same grades all round... Hate/Like all subjects the same...
IDIOT!

I wander if I should give up, not do A-Levels, not go to uni and just be a loser.
That would be easy... That would suit me fine....

I've been googling how to be beautiful and the likes a lot today. The result:

• Be thin
• Nice hair
• Good skin
• Natural but pretty make-up
• Amazing personality
• Good hygeine

I can do one of those... My hygeine is good... Although most people say obbsessivly good so I guess that's not attractive either. I really want to look good... Even when I try hard I can't do it... I'm no good at beauty stuff so I look a mess ALL the time

I know about being beautiful on the inside and all...

I hate being ugly.
I hate not having the option of being pretty.
Went to the hairdressers today, even then I look a mess.
I want to be attractive, have people look at me and not be like you're ugly or, when was the last time you actually looked nice?
I'd love to have a nice face and hair that shines and looks good.
Nobody likes an ugly person and how can you take someone that looks like Kate Bush seriously?
Wish I was like C. C's beautiful and doesn't have to...

Got to go to school in a sec...
Got a lift so I have spare time...
Dreading it...
Don't want to go...
Look a mess..
Feel a mess..
Another day being laughed at...
Everyone knows I'm a freak
Everyone hates me.
I hate being me..
Want to SH but doing so well...
Want to cry but can't go with red eyes...
Seriously not sure how to make it through another day
Even the weekend isn't exciting
Want To Die

Chemistry - got a test result, 54%, a D I thought that was bad... Aint seen nothing yet!

Physics - did a mock exam and got result, 37.7% i.e. a G!!!! A big fat G! Not sure how to tell my mum... I'm seriously going to be killed...

Textiles - I lost 3 of my pattern pieces... If I don't find them, and they were nowhere to be seen, I can't finish my garment, we're only on the mock, which means I won't be able to make a garment to submit, this means doom! This means...

I fucking hate her
Bitch!
I HATE HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't want to go to some stupid old persons place where people laugh at me for going
I don't want to be surrounded by people I don't understand
I don't want to suffer the plane journey which scars the shit out of me
I don't want to be bored to death
I DON'T WANT TO SWIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't want to miss greeeat matches!

I know it's selfish! I hate...

Breaking Down
Laughing, Crying
Not even happy
Everything is going wrong and I can't help but laugh!
I'm not talking about football.
We're 2-0 down and with 10 men, a previous man suspended... but that's not it. I'm just laughing!
Life's crap... hahahahahahaha
I want to die... hahahahahaha
I'm fucking mental!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha ha
O...

Hate School
Hate Life
Hate Food
Hate TV
Hate Music
Hate Life
Hate Revising
Hate Stress
Hate Me
Hate Life
Hate Football
Hate Sleep
Hate Hurting
Hate Life
Hate Cutting
Hate Worrying
Hate Scars
Hate Life

Why won't things improve?
All I want is to live happily but can't do that!
Can't do anything.
Wish I had never been born.
Wish I could die.

Feel Like Dying

Went for a run this morning
Was good to know I can keep going no matter what
Went so so fast over 5 miles...
My legs almost fell off
I like being able to feel myself again
The stomach pains too
Bliss
I really need new blades
Mine are so blunt they hardly work
Might ask for things I can use for xmas
The irony of using blades my mother provided
Shouldn't really say that..
Shouldn't let people into my evil side...
Don't want...