I know people say they love me
I know it should help and it kind of does
But how do I know they're telling the truth?
People lie all the time
Why should it be any different with me?

Shit

I know I'm nothing special, I know I'm the same as everyone else, an equal.
But this is such shit

Wish I was never born.
Wish I could escape.
Why would anyone want to have a child?
Why would they want to cause pain and suffering?...

Need to cry
Need to cut
Need to die
Need to learn French
Can't learn French
Had days to do it but not had time
Test on wednesday, still know none...
What am I meant to do?
I have so much revision material and none of them work...
Music,
Re-reading,
Writing...
I just can't do it and I can't fail...
Crying...
Can't stop crying...
The stress..
The pain...
My life falling apart,
Never been so...

Good Things:

• Just done Great Eastern Run
• Have Club Championships in the bag
• Lost a bit of weight

Bad things:

• Have 6 pieces of homework
• Only understand 2 of them
• Have a French Speaking Assesment on Wednesday
• Have to learn it all and I don't know one word yet
• Have English exam on Wednesday
• Have to get an A or else
• All homework apart from them in for tomorrow
• Don't have anyone to help me, have no way of understanding
• Detention in all subjects...
• That means after school, that

...

Is it a bird?
Is it a plane?
No it's Melissa, falling, falling, falling,
SPLAT!

\
/\
)==)=O>
\/
/

FREAK!!!!!!!

I'm so selfish its unbelievable.
It's not right.
I can't believe some of the stuff I think.
I like to think I'm a good person.
I like to think I'm a nice person.
But I'm not. That much is obvious. If I was nice, I wouldn't think evil things.
I'm such a bitch.
I'm so ashamed of my mind I can't even say it out loud, I can't even say what I think.
Someone should come and kill me.
I need to be killed before I become well, I suppose like Tom Riddle....

Fell over today...
More to say me and a friend ran into each other and I ended up on the floor :P
It's not that we randomly felt like running into each other, we were playing netball and both of us playing centre wanted to win
Well yeah, we were desperate to get the ball and we ran into each other in the process...
Well, I'm the smaller one and thus ended on the floor...
Kinda embaressing, they were like 'omg look at your leg... Are you ok? Are you sure you're ok?...

I found out how to make an appointment with the school nurse today in assembly. I wasn’t 100 percentage sure in what people were meant to see her for but it turns out depression is allowed. She also said that unless we’re in danger she won’t spill, so I think if I really need someone to talk to in real life I’ll be fine. I just would have to be careful not to say too much, that would be a disaster.
Anyway, I think I’ll be ok. I’m doing not that bad now, well I think not that bad. Sometimes...

Fuck...
I've just been told that all through October we have £114 to spend on food, petrol and anything else we need like train tickets...
We have £10 max to spend on food a week and I can't run or anything because we need to save the petrol...
Aparently we have to have either cereal or toast (I don't even like the latter) for tea at least every other night and I might not even be allowed fruit in the morning...
It's times like these that I hate my Dad... When it's his fault...