I'm sorry I can't be perfect
I'm sorry I lie
I'm sorry You don't know me like you want to
I'm sorry I don't trust you
I'm sorry I don't like you
I'm sorry I'm selfish
I'm sorry I'm not motivated
I'm sorry I'm rude
I'm sorry I hate being here
I'm sorry I don't open up to you
I'm sorry I don't make you smile
I'm sorry I can't laugh around you
I'm sorry I don't always do as you want me to
I'm sorry I'm fat
I'm sorry...

I've been thinking about death a lot recently. Standing in the road waiting for cars and stuff. It was getting better for a bit, but now I think I'm going downhill again. There was this guy, I think I'm in love with him, but he's abandoned me. He's older than me you see, but we talked all the time and he made me forget about everything, he even made me feel good. Obviously I didn't tell him about my issues, but I think he guessed or something, he avoids me now.
I went on top of the car park...

Don't you just love good days? I do! I get them, and when I do I feel on top of the world! I love it! I'm sitting here and I'm happy, I've been happy all day! I got up at like 9.00 and I've been good ever since. I'm not even dreading school anymore! I'm excited! Seeing my friends, preparing for an exam, its all so good! eveything is so good! I s'posse I'm only posting this to say whoopee! for the good days!

It's not always because I hate myself, not always, it can be because I find myself ok, I know I shouldn't like myself, but sometimes I do, and I know it's wrong, I lie, I'm selfish, I'm week, I'm evil, I'm an attention seeker, nobody likes these things, these things make a bad person. me. I'm a fat ugly horrible person.

My head hurts and I feel sick, a sign that I'm not meant to be.

Y'know I was told today that nobody cares about my life - I thought she was my friend,...

It never lasts, the feelings, they always come back and they get worse. There's no way out for me, I always feel worse and worse and worse. When i try and help it they fight back, when I do what feels right, it's wrong. I'm hated and unloved, people don't care about me, I'm just a joke. They avoid me, they don't want to know me, they can't face the facts, I'm a mess. I cut again, I hadn't...

I cried last night and I couldn't stop. It was horrible but refreshing... I think I stayed up half the night, unable to rid the tears that fell from my eyes. I feel different today, stronger! It's a good feeling, just ignoring the bad stuff and focusing on what's good. I never cry, not ever, but it's something I would reccomend, a new start to me, I hope this feeling lasts, it's pretty spectacular.

A/N... If you are a fan of Peterborough United you may just have a heart attack... or hyperventilate, or just be unbelieveably jealous...

No where to begin.. Let's start at the very beginning, A very good place to start, When you read you begin with A-B-C, When you sing you begin with do-re-mi...

Sunday 29th May

That was the day of the match, the match against boro and hudders, the play-off final, to see who would earn their place as a championship team,...

I want to die... I want to die now... I've been so so stupid! I was in the library with my friends at lunch and I got my blade out and cut my friends leg... (with permission) and then she cut my hand and my leg and then I just needed to cut and I made 2 really deep cuts on my leg and they watched and it felt soooooooooooo good and now I have cuts which mum will be able to see and I have blood down my leg and I think they all know I'm a freak now... I've been physically shaking, I don't know why...

OMG !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! POSH WON THE PLAY-OFF MATCH AND I'M GOING TO OLD TRAFFORD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YESTUDAY WAS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...

so after like a month of quitting ive cut 2 days in a row... everything is triggering me, my biology lesson made me break down... I had to escape to the toilets... My cuts are getting much much deeper than before, if i cut any deeper I would be into a vein... i even dream of cutting and of blood and death... i cant stop, everytime i see a car i want to jump infront of it and let everything come to a peaceful end... i never thought it would get this bad, my grades are slipping, ive stopped talking...