? (triggering)

I want to die... I want to die now... I've been so so stupid! I was in the library with my friends at lunch and I got my blade out and cut my friends leg... (with permission) and then she cut my hand and my leg and then I just needed to cut and I made 2 really deep cuts on my leg and they watched and it felt soooooooooooo good and now I have cuts which mum will be able to see and I have blood down my leg and I think they all know I'm a freak now... I've been physically shaking, I don't know why but I think it was because I needed to cut so much, everything's getting on top of me...

I know I need help... that much is obvious and I know I have to ASAP... I almost went and got some in school, when my cutting was dreadful... I almost left chemistry to go and top myself... death is appealing to me right now... I don't see a future me... I don't see me beyond a couple of months... I don't think I can live that long... I think I want to die... I don't think I can cope no longer... I want to die... right now!