I'll never be good enough. I'm NOT good enough. I question every little thing I do and it's just not right.

I get scared when people ask me for advice because a lot of the time I'm not in the right state of mind to do it, or am scared I won't have the answers and then they'll get upset, but I just can't say no.

I'm never going to be smart enough. Someone will always be so much better than me and get all the attention and I'll be left in the dust. They'll be the ones to...

No matter how many times people try to convince me otherwise, no matter how many times I try to convince myself otherwise, I always feel in my heart that I'll never be good enough. That no matter how hard I try it'll never be enough. That I'll never succeed. That nothing will ever change for me.

I go through periods of doing good. Today was one of my better days in THREE WEEKS. But I know it won't last. It never lasts. I've been so depressed lately even though I never show it, everything...

Today I was in therapy. Everything went well until she said that next week she was "learning who would be taking over for her" and that she'd find someone that I'd like and we'd have a few meetings together. Now, I don't know if she means she's retiring or just has to be away for a while due to circumstances or what, but I'm sitting here flipping out because I'm scared that she does mean she's retiring. I started to trust her and open up to her. I talked to her about my SH and everything...

I really don't know why I feel so shitty right now. Monday was fine enough, Tuesday I had to take two statewide tests and a final for science. I almost had a breakdown in science class that day, pretty much I threw my pen down and came super close to crying, calling myself a failure, the whole nine yards. Wednesday I was just under stress and whatever, like I have been for a while now. I was supposed to have therapy today but the coolant line in our car broke and so we had to cancel the appointment....

I had a therapy appointment today. Thank fucking god. I feel a lot better now but realized after I left what I needed to talk to her about. That's annoying. And she always asks me if I've cut again and I have to LIE to her and say no because she's a mandatory reporter and would tell my mom. The real answer is yes, yes I have cut. I wish I didn't have to lie but I really don't want my parents taking away my phone, yelling at me, and grounding me. I really wish I could admit to it and don't really...

I went to my therapist appointment and she wants me to see a psychiatrist. If I see a psychiatrist, my mom would only want me to see her once because we can't afford to see both a therapist and psychiatrist, and my mom still thinks nothing's wrong with me.
I'd be seeing the psychiatrist for self harm and a possible diagnosis of depression. My mom is a shitty listener and didn't hear the depression part until I told her, and my mom pretty much got pissed off and said that I really must be...

My second therapy session went well. Last time I was there, S said that she wanted to talk to my parents. She even told them that she wanted to talk to them, and then either she forgot, or she just didn't. If she didn't, it meant it was probably for the LGBT issue, and I told her not to. My mom wanted to talk to her today too so I was freaking out the entire time, but then SHE forgot. Interesting.
My therapist said I was making progress on my perfectionism, but I don't think so. It's just...

I try coming out to my mom today. Know what she says? Pretty much stuff along the lines of: "Who's a lesbian making you want to be one? You want to be everything you read. Start thinking with your own mind for once, if you think you're a lesbian you really do have problems."
I KNEW she was going to say that, I just KNEW that. Everything is a game to her, my self harm, suicidal thoughts. You know what? I don't fucking KNOW why I feel so bad all the time, I really DON'T. And by...

I ask for a young therapist so I can relate. I get the old chick who did my intake because of my stupid schedule. I just don't want to miss school or quit my community service, but while I lied to my parents saying I liked that lady, I really only found her okay. But my mom said flat up it's either deal with her or don't go at all, and I kinda DO have to go because while my parents don't know this, it's either go to therapy or overdose. The pills are still getting harder to say no to. And nobody...